Recently, I just got out of a year long relationship. I'm a very sexual person, I feel confident being naked, and love the feeling of touching someone else's body. My year long exboyfriend and I had our first sex together after about three months, and of course it hurt tremendously the first few times, and of course I gave it time because I knew that it was common. We started having sex a lot, but it wasn't ever pleasurable, it didn't feel bad, but certainly did not feel good but he always came really fast, so it was never really an issue.
Now I'm seeing this new guy, I'm very attracted to him and he's very experienced and good at fooling around, so I was very excited to have sex with him because I thought it might be different because he was more experienced. This guy was incredible compared, he went on for so long and never even came because I had to stop him because I was so tired. I was so embarassed cause I'm not used to not making a guy cum, but it wasn't enjoyable, in fact, it hurt and felt uncomfortable as we went on longer.
I'm realizing that right before I have sex with a guy, even though we've fooled around before, I'm just not wet or aroused. Any suggestions? I really enjoy the intimacy of sex, but would like to enjoy having sex and recieving pleasure as well. I can get off on dry sex very easily and when I masterbate (only with stimulating my clitoris.) So I'm just worried that maybe that's all I can enjoy!
> I'm realizing that right before I have sex with a guy, even though we've fooled around before, I'm just not wet or aroused. Any suggestions?
Two things come to mind: first, like the recent book with a similar title, maybe you're just not that into him--emotionally. If you are, then what does it take to make you aroused and wet? If you do become wet and aroused as a result of masturbation then logic says that the fooling around before is not sufficient or focused. How much time do the two of you devote to kissing and caressing before moving onto what would be considered foreplay(ing with the genitals and other erogenous areas)? Then, do you continue to incorporate all this making out into the foreplay? It sounds like one or both of you are not providing for your needs.
> he went on for so long and never even came because I had to stop him because I was so tired.
If you go back through my posts or do a search on the key word "tired", you will find time and time again where I inform guys that intercourse should generally last no longer than about ten minutes because after that most women report as you did that they become tired, bored, and sore!
There can be several reasons why your boyfriend did not reach a climax. I'm finding recently that this has to do with rushing past all the fooling around and getting right to intercourse under the misconception that lots and lots and lots of stroking is the way to build and then peak his arousal. This is wrong on several levels. Stroking maintains an preexisting high state of arousal and thrusting peaks this in order to trigger an orgasm. You should not invite him to begin intercourse until you are ready and he is just short of the trigger point of his orgasm where he can stop yet still maintain control.
Never orgasmed? Do you masturbate? Have you gone out and gotten yourself a clitoral stimulator and used it? Have you tried lubricants? Do either of you know where your G-Spot is and how to stimulate it? Have you given yourself permission to enjoy sex yet? Don't laugh, lots of active women haven't. they just go from man to man trying to see if this is the one.
To warm up - try erotic massages with scented oils. He should enjoy the chance to explore your body and find out all of your hot spots. Cunnilingus with gentle fingering on your G-Spot will also work to warm you up - and you might even orgasm from it.
The well lubricated head of his penis should be gently rubbing up against your G-Spot. 10 minutes is about right. Then change positions. Have him come in from behind or do some spooning. instead of just having him slamming int o to you for eons. Mix it up a bit. A bit of fellatio here. Some cunnilingus with or without fingering there. You can have a lot of fun with this.
But not having an orgasm is a problem.