I've been having sex for 9 months now with my first sexual partner who I'm so very much in love with. At first having an orgasm with him was never on my mind but now all i think about is 'coming', as its something I've never done as yet with anyone. I can orgasm fine on my own through clitoral stimulation, the same way that i have always done since i was younger (I know it sounds strange, but i sit almost cross-legged on the floor, with the heel of my foot pressed against my clitoris and i use all my body weight to put alot of pressure and gentle rubbing on this area, and i usually orgasm in under three minutes fine). However, when my partner has tried to encorporate my 'technique' with his hands he just doesn't seem to be able to do it, and the sensations my 'possition' brings isnt even touched on through oral or penetration. I've tried experimenting with myself in other ways other than my 'tried and trusted' but with no success and i usually give up due to frustration. Its all making me feel terribly inadequate as a woman and partner. Its gotten so bad that in the last few months its putting me off sex because i'm constantly thinking 'am i going to come?' or 'its pointless, its never going to work', which i know is definately not helping me. My boyfriends been so accomodating to the way i feel (saying that 80% of women never orgasm through penetration etc), but even he says 'i dont know what to do'. I just feel so angry sometimes that he can 'come' and i cant and this makes me sometimes feel used and so emotional i cry. I now always feel unsatisfied and incomplete after sex, so much that I am unable to 'enjoy' myself while we are making love (I'm not even liking penetration or oral anymore, and i cant/dont want to self-masturbate because i want to be able to orgasm with my partner not by myself). I know that me worrying about this is not helping the situation at all, and that this problem is becoming obsessive (its effecting my sex drive - I'm either really horny all the time because I havent orgasmed for weeks, or I feel too depressed to even think about making love). Could anyone offer any advice or tips?
Fri, 12/17/2004 - 16:18
#1
I Can't Come!
hey well just to make it quick. im a guy and when i was with my ex gf we had the same problem . thoe she loved sex and even sex with out an orgasam she found gr8. thoe she is realy sexualy fustarted now
and shes with another guy but we still do stuff 2geather its realy fucked and i still have feelings for her 
i'm having a similar problem.
i've been masturbating for a long time. since i can remember, at least (that might sound sick, but i'm not embarrassed - it was never really sexual until i got older). anyways, i don't think i have ever had an orgasm. i'm not sure what to do. also, everything my boyfriend has done to me has felt really good, i just haven't come. i'm feeling a little disappointed because of this. i have been looking forward to having sex for awhile and it's been a let down because i can't come.
thanks to anyone replies because i'm a bit frustrated at this point.
Ciko,
Your partner sounds willing to help. Try this: lie on your back with him sitting or kneeling beside you. Lather his hands up with oil - any vegetable oil will do, I prefer safflower - and massage your private parts. Clearly, you need pressure and while he massages you, penetrates with his fingers give him guidance on what is happening. Emphasize what you are experiencing rather than focusing on what you want to experience.
I thoroughly enjoy having an orgasm with a penis in me but I rarely do. I love to have massages and they usually lead to genital massage and as soon as I do have an orgasm, I cannot wait to get him in me. Or, with my girlfriend, penetrate me with her fingers.
You know, if you read the response above, it'd probably help your problem.
Or you can read like 400 other posts on why women don't/can't/won't orgasm in this forum.
PLEASE HELP!!!
i have a real emberassing problem!
me n my bf have been together for over a year now!!!he really turns me on(i mean REALLY i fantasise about us all the time when we are not together and and i get really turnd on!!)!!i ALWAYS get really wet when he fingers me and im really turned on!!!
the problem is that i just dont seem to be abe to orgasm when he fingers me or goes down on me!!hes made me orgasm 2wice before but that was about half a year or so ago!!!
the thing is i cant orgasm when i masturbate either!!i just dont seem to be able to do it!!no matter how turnd on i am!!
this is getting really frustrating for me and he thinks hes doing soemthing wrong when as far as im concernd it is obviously NOT his fault!!i just dont know what to do!!!
the problem is also that since i cant even bring myself to orgasm how is he supose to when i cant even tell him where he has to go or what he has to do!!!thats why im really orried about telling him when something feels good cuz im scared if i say a bit more right or a bit more left or something i wopnt be abe to feel anyhitng and he'll think its him!!!whats wrong with me!!the only time i can have an orgasm is in the shower bymyself but not by my own fingers!!the first time i had an orgasm in the shower its felt really good but since thenm they have been getting less and less satisfying!!it was really nice when my bf made me orgasm tho!!
when my bf fingers me it fells REALL good!!!he does it for quiet sumtime but his hands always get sore b4i get anywhere near an orgasm and i start feeling really bad for him!!it also feels great when he goes down on me but still no luck!!
please help me i really dont know whats wrong with me!!
i REALLY hope someone can help me out!!sorry for writing so much!!
[QUOTE=Quote (Sweet Ciko @ Dec. 17 2004,08:18)]i cant/dont want to self-masturbate because i want to be able to orgasm with my partner not by myself).[/QUOTE]
There is nothing wrong w/ doing this tho. I usually can't orgasm thru penetration alone except when Im on top. If my b/f and I are in missionary or doggie I usually have to manually stimulate my clit. He does sometimes but not always as good as I can. Sometimes, if my hand gets tired I use a little vibe I have and the orgasms are that much better. I bet you could do your trick but slightly lean forward and your b/f could enter you from behind, that might work.
Good luck!