I have a big problem when it comes to sex. My husband wants me to initiate things and I am embarrased or scared to. He wants me to be a little more into what we do , but I do not know how. I want to give him what he wants, that is not the problem, the problem I think lies within me, and I guess it comes from not .... I dont know. I guess what I really need is someone I can talk to , someone who might be able to give me ideas and hints as to how to become more seductive in the bedroom. I am a 33 year old woman with kids and no nothing about sex or how to please my husband. How pathetic is that .
Mon, 03/19/2007 - 14:24
#1
Husband wants me to initiate - what to do ??
It is actually very real. I doubt that you have ever experienced orgasm, either. I have had patients in their thirties with kids who finally discover orgasm. The record, for my patients was a 54 year old woman who experienced her first orgasm.
The seductiveness comes from within and that requires a confidence in self that you seem to lack. Start with learning how your body works. The old book, Our Bodies Our Selves, is a good place to start. And also try clitical.com to learn more about your body and how to masturbate. My guess is you were raised in a rather sexually repressive environment and that is a lot of baggage to overcome.
You may want to ask your gyn for a referral to a good sex therapist in your area. That is someone trustworthy with whom you can discuss your issues. It all starts with your question and then goes through understanding and, eventually, you will get there. In the meantime, just do some unexpected things like greeting him naked or surprise him with a blowjob as he crawls into bed. You need not finish him that way if you are not ready. He is asking for the unexpected so give it to him and you will be reinforced for it and gain confidence. Better get going or he will be looking elsewhere for the unexpected.
I am not sure if I was raised in a sexually repressive inviroment. I was 15 when I lost my virginity, I know I was not ready. And soon after , about a year , I found out that I really meant nothing to him. He was not my age either. He was older. I found out that when he was not with another woman he came to me. About a year after that was over I met yet another man , older but only by a few years who I had a relationship of 2 years and was engaged to be married to him, when I found out that he was unfaithful to me as well, only this time the damage was permanent. Not life threatening but permanent. My parents spoke openly about sex with me, but I was never versed for lack of a better word in how to please someone. You are right , I am very lacking in self confidence. I do not want to be that way, I want to be everything my husband wants and more. Not for him , but for me. Maybe I am a mental case, I dont know. I just know that I need to jump on the sexual bandwagon . I just dont see how books can teach me how to be more self confident and how to please a man in and out of the bedroom.
[QUOTE=totallyconfusedandscared;171154]I have a big problem when it comes to sex. My husband wants me to initiate things and I am embarrased or scared to. He wants me to be a little more into what we do , but I do not know how. I want to give him what he wants, that is not the problem, the problem I think lies within me, and I guess it comes from not .... I dont know. I guess what I really need is someone I can talk to , someone who might be able to give me ideas and hints as to how to become more seductive in the bedroom. I am a 33 year old woman with kids and no nothing about sex or how to please my husband. How pathetic is that .[/QUOTE]
My girlfriend is pretty much the same, but she's 21.
I've told her ill do anything to help, but there's nothing I can do :(
Honestly, talk to a sex therapist. You should feel open sexually especially with your husband and free of embarrassment. You need to find out why you feel the way you do. It may be the best money ever spent. There is nothing wrong with you, you just have to find out what the issue is that's preventing you from being open....
At least give yourself credit for trying through taking the initiative by posting here, it's a start.