I've been married for 6 months and my husband doesn't want sex. He's affectionate and doesn't have a problem touching me or performing oral, it's intercourse he doesn't want to do. I perform oral and manual stimulation for him but he doesn't want to go any farther. I've tried talking to him, explained how unhappy I am, and he gets defensive, has said that he's tired, has a lot on his mind and that he doesn't want to get me pregnant. I am on the pill and take it religiously. I've explained to him how effective the pill is and that he shouldn't worry. He does look at porn on the internet and in magazines. I've never been concerned with it before but am wondering now if it hasw become a problem. Should I be concerned? Am I putting too much pressure on him?
Thu, 12/29/2011 - 04:03
#1
Husband doesn't want to have sex
Perhaps, however, it has been said that if a relationship is in trouble sex is 90% of the reason. If a relationship is working well, sex is 10% of the reason. If your husband is not interested in sex after six months, then something is wrong and if he will not talk to you then perhaps he needs to talk to a counselor.
If he will not talk to a counselor then you have a decision to make.
At six months, it is time to see a marital counselor. You will not be able to get this sorted out on your own. As Doc points out, sex is often a symptom and not the real problem.
The man has been honest and open with you.
He does not want to get you pregnant; he does not want children; he does not trust the Pill; he does not trust you being able to stick to the daily ritual of taking the Pill; and he's never heard of condoms and probably wouldn't want to use them if he had.
In all of this: notice the Absence of Trust.
Why on earth did you marry him??
I married him because I love him. He didn't have these issues until after we were married. This has only been going on for the last 3 months. It's not that he doesn't pleasure me we don't have intercourse and for me oral stimulation isn't enough.
We don't want children, so that didn't come as a surprise for me. What I was surprised about was that birth control became an issue for him-it wasn't before we were married. I've been taking it for some time because of menstrual cycle problems. We have had a heart to heart discussion on the phone(he's a truck driver but not long haul) and I've explained in no uncertain terms that I could not continue to live like I am. Since he came home things are better;) he's much more touchy feely and I've been much more flirty with him something neither of us have been lately but I'm not fooling myself I know we have a lot of work to do on our relationship. I guess time will tell.
Just stick to your guns and emphasize rationality. BCPs are reliable if taken correctly and condoms are always available.
Look up "the passive aggressive man". That might give you some insights. But if this is a problem now, it will continue to be a problem the rest of your marriage if you don't figure out what the real problem is and why he is doing it and what you are willing to put up with.
I am young but I have heard of this alot. People change ALOT after marriage. It is one reason I have lost all faith in marriage as a whole. Seems like thats what hapend to you. Yu married a perfect guy. Suddenly ooops not the same guy anymore. I am sorry to say this but maybe he is bored. Your his wife now maybe its not intence enough for him anymore. That would make him an ass but not unheard of either.
We're coming up on a month--has an appointment been made to see a counselor?
If not, why not?
If not, when?
I agree with others, you should see a councilor. If he won't go, you should and get some professional advice on what to do.
Don't do what I did and wait 4/5 yrs before acting. My wife stopped kissing me and only hugged me the way one would hug a friend. We still had sesx but it was all about her, making her feel nice. By the time I "woke" up, stopped blaming myself and spoke to a councilor (because she refused to), it might be too late. Now we are seeing a councilor together I feel nothing toward her and wonder why we are even seeing a councilor.... I might have left my run too late to seek help.....just doing it for the kids really...
Your husband has disconnected from his sexual nature over the course of your relationship. There are several ways you can reactivate it. Download the free report from http://www.moreandbettersex.com- it will help you.