My fiance is very traditional in bed. He doesn't necessarily need oral sex himself, and he doesn't understand that what turns him on, 'decent and romantic', does not work for me. Recently, in a frank discussion about oral sex, he basically said it was like 'licking the floor.' That he couldn't even be good at it, because he didn't enjoy it himself. Actually, he said it 'disgusted him.' He had done it in the past, albeit poorly, but this was the first time we had actually talked about it. I was heart-broken. Absolutely devasted. I don't love performing oral sex on him, but I've always done it because I enjoyed seeing what it did for him. Now, as we begin our life together, I've lost my interest in pleasing him. Help! I don't think there's anything I can say to convince him that he needs to be more generous sexually.
Sun, 06/12/2005 - 23:05
#1
Husband disgusted by giving oral sex
[QUOTE=Quote (Rawbob @ June 24 2005,07:05)]I personally think this has NOTHING to do with the smell and alot more to do with his fear of NOT doing it right![/QUOTE]
That was my reasons for being hesitant.
I don't fiend to do it, but not I am more likely to.
I enjoy seeing my b/f happy and that makes me happy
OH my! After all these girls refuse to give head a guy finally does and ... WHAT... what's that? He is a complete asshole and you should lose interest in him? GREAT thinking!!
Ok..bottom line...if 2 people go out to dinner, then go dancing and then go home and get naked and start performing oral sex on each other - there is most likely going to be some sort of natural body odor just due to perspriration.
now, some folks like to shower before ANY kind of sex, but i can tell you (as a person who's performed oral sex on both men and women).....that if i'm horney, unless it is just REALLY REALLY bad, i'm gonna hold my breath and lick and suck iwth all my best!
trust me, guys crotch's can be a bit musky too....it comes (no pun intended) with the territory. And to stop intimacy and take a shower sometimes is just not fun - it kinda breaks the mood!
Being sexually intimate somtimes means you have to hold your breath or look past some things you might otherwise want to be different!
I personally think this has NOTHING to do with the smell and alot more to do with his fear of NOT doing it right!
First time I gave oral, I hated it.
Took me a while before I gave it a second shot, and eventually I liked it better and better and now I love giving it.
Hope he tries that second time...somehow...
LOL. I am not dating your brother, Ben, Maggie, but I suppose there are other women in the same boat as I am.
To address someone else's comment-when I said he 'insists' that I am properly groomed, I didn't mean he makes me groom. I meant that despite my accusation that he didn't like the way I smelled/tasted, he insisted otherwise-that I was groomed and 'clean'-that those things were not the issue. Does that make more sense? He's not that jerky, although I do know he prefers it all groomed despite not venturing down south very often.
These are helpful ideas-I think reading some materials together and discussing it might help to affect some change.
by the way ... where do you live...... are you dating my other brother Ben? ........LOL....
I have six brothers....
I think you have found your main "problem"... his upbringing.
I gave my brother and his new wife several books on sex.
( we were brought up in a home where it was "dirty" to have sex ! unless it was just emotional sex with your wife/husband )
I was the "bad" child when it came to sex. I tried it all... before I married the first time and in between marriages.
It will take time to easy him into changing his mind set about sex. He has had 30+ years of that mind set.
Go slow, read together ( sex tech. books )
If possible , leave them in open view all the time... I have a copy in my living room. ( out of reach of granddaughters ) but clearly anyone who can read can see the book.
Keep one in the bedroom as well. The more we are exposed to something the more comfortable it will be to explore .
Well, with all that new information, i still think you need to sit your fiance down, reach out and hold both his hands and have a frank discussion!
Sounds like alot of decisions have been based on emotions, and for him to say the things he did, to insist on your "grroming" and him not performing oral sex, is unacceptable.
The fact that you can get an understanding of why he feels the way he does about certain issues about sex is NOT an excuse.
Before you go too much farther in your relationship, i'd have a candid caht wtih him. Tell him you EXPECT him to be more open and respectful of your needs.
I'd say.. its time you get some flavour'd lube.
Thanks for all the input. To address one person's thoughts: my fiance insists that I am perfectly groomed and clean "down there" (his words) and that there is nothing wrong with how it smells. The taste I cannot say for sure. He insists that he has never enjoyed it with any woman.
To address maggies54,
. How old are the the two of you.
We are both in our early 30s.
2. How long have you been sexually active with one another.
We began dating 4 years ago, but recently got back together and at the same time decided that we wanted to spend our lives together. We have been sexually 'reactive' for just over 2 months. This is also a long distance relationship so we won't see each other on a regular basis until he moves here next month.
3.How many sexual partners have each of you had.
I've had 7 sexual partners. I'm not sure about him exactly, although I can say that before we met 4 years ago he had not been with more than a handfull. BEtween the time when we split up and got back together, I would say he was with more women, but as he is more connected to the emotional side of sex than your average man, he's not a complete dog motivated by it (definitely unlike me!)
4.How does each of your sets of parents view oral sex.( if you know or have an idea from things said )
My parents never discussed oral sex with me, but I grew up with a pretty open mind about sex. I also had one partner that got me to explore the different sides of it. He comes from a very religious, old-fashioned family. I guarantee oral sex was not discussed, but definitely regarded as dirty.
5. What is YOUR defintion of "decent & romantic".
My definition of 'decent and romantic' is probably traditional missionary, not a lot of kinky stuff...lots of kissing and holding, but no dirty talk. I think I've come to define 'decent and romantic' by how he makes love.
Before I could or would make any comment I need more information.
1. How old are the the two of you.
2. How long have you been sexually active with one another.
3.How many sexual partners have each of you had.
4.How does each of your sets of parents view oral sex.( if you know or have an idea from things said )
5. What is YOUR defintion of "decent & romantic".
I know these are very personal questions. You do not need to answer them but it would be most helpful.
I know a couple who have been married for 40 years and neither of them have EVER had oral sex .... EVER !!!!
They where both brought up that it was "dirty". That the organs where for unrine, feces,mens.periods,sperm deposits. Filled with germs.
I've known couples whom when young didn't have oral sex, yet after a few years of marriage started.As they grew together in all areas of their life together so did their sexual comfort and willingness to explore.
Don't dismiss that " decent and romantic " doesn't turn you on. While from time to time you want more than that, there are women who would " kill" , " die " for romance.
Sex is natural , pleasure is learned together.
Sorry to say but it might have more to do with how you smell/taste. I don't know what causes that but a girl i was with stank bad. She was very clean, showered a lot but she stunk. It was hard not to gag. She didn't like it so i only tried it a few times.
My current girl tastes and smells great. I LOVE a 20 minute snack before we even start. A bit salty maybe but its the easiest way to get her motor revved up. She's the first girl i've been with that's not offensive AT ALL. Some are worse than others but theres a reason we guys refer to "tuna" when talking about that area.
Wow....its good you found this out now!
Once again, you see how some men can compartmentalize sex. When he said "it disgusts him" he thought it was ok to be honest, when in fact, you, inferred that YOU disgusted him.
That's a very painful thing to say - even if he didn't mean it.
My suggestion is that you get with your pre-marriage counselor (priest, pastor, rabbi, etc.)
If you don't resolve this, your marriage will not be starting out on a strong footing!
A hearty "amen" to what has been said... with one added observation.
This is not about oral sex and is probably not even about sex in general. The more often I hear this "complaint" the more convinced I am of that.
It's about an attitude and it's about control. What you are being told is "I ain't gonna do it (whatever it is) if I don't like it and it don't matter much what it means to you." I'll bet you are going to find other examples in your relationship. I hope you find them before you marry him.
Read your last sentence over and over: Help! I don't think there's anything I can say to convince him that he needs to be more generous sexually.
You might want to ask yourself if you are truly beginning a life "together."
Personally, I would feel more than a little offended if the man I intended to marry found aspects of me disgusting. With that said..
There is nothing quite like sexual problems to totally ruin a marriage. If you're finding yourself mismatched now, it's going to be even worse after marriage as marriage itself seems to make minor problems into major ones down the road. Life is too short to limit yourself to living a life of hidden thoughts and desires that you can't experience with your life partner. I find it very sad that you are willing to do things for him to see him pleased but this isn't returned. It's rather ominous, in my opinion.
I'd be wanting to know exactly what his definitions are of "decent and romantic." Apparently he finds being on the receiving end "decent" but not for you? Is he the only one important here? I really do believe a person's generosity sexually in a relationship says a lot about their generosity in other ways as well. You might find yourself living a life with him that is totally disastisfying. That dissatisfaction will breed resentment after a while and those feelings will insinuate themselves into every aspect of your life with him. Although you didn't ask this, I'd think long and hard about marrying him. He sounds very selfish.
Sorry if I sound preachy but boy have I been there.
he is missing out on the pleasures of pleasing u. like u said, u give him oral even tho u dont enjoy it but to give him the satisfaction of ur lips and mouth around his cock. if u havent already, tell him how he hurt ur feelings by saying its like "licking the floor"...i would of slapped the shit out of my b/f if he said anything that rude to me. try this, flavored lube. he just might enjoy giving u oral then. just giving my opinion
don't give any to him and say "it disgusts me it's like loving crap". And you can spend some time alone and find things that he can't do for you cause he's such a selfish prick. Teach him a lesson about respect.
Well, for my part, I am always willing to perform oral sex on any woman that wants it. Have Tongue Will Lick, is my motto. There is nothing like feeling your woman squirm when you find just the right spot.
