Notice how everyone here has told you that it aint going to happen? None of us ever said it would be cheating but none-the-less would more than likely make her feel incredibly insecure? That all of us beleive you are not respecting your wife's wishes...
respect is not cooking and cleaning by the way, that is part of living together, respect is accepting her decision which it seems you have not...
You came here for advice, we gave it... you may not like it but maybe you should listen to us instead of arguing the point with irrelevant examples

[QUOTE=Quote (LittleFury @ July 05 2005,11:46)]Sex ain't skydiving, otherwise I doubt we would be here discuss all the emotions and resposibilities tied with it.[/QUOTE]
Never were more truer words spoken.  What a great line Fury!  

See, the thing is that he came on here trying to get us to give him some quick tricks or ideas on how to get his wife involved in a 3some.  What he didn't know would happen is that we would actually think about his wife for a moment.

She was a virgin before you.  What makes you think she wants to do this, EVER?  She does not.  You are not going to talk her into having a 3some.  Well, maybe you could.  Here's how you do it.....

Say "hey wifey, I want to have a 3some.  If you don't do it with me, I'm going to divorce you.  I'll just walk away from you and the kids".  I bet that would get her attention and then if she was really weak willed and dependant upon you she would grudgingly comply with your request.  She would go ahead and let you set it up.  She would dully wake up the morning of, take the kids to the sitter's house while thinking "today is the day I have to break my marriage vows so my husband doesn't leave me.... I never thought it would come to this, but hopefully this will save our marriage and keep him around"  Then she will be there for the little 3some and be embarassed and insecure.  She'll want to cry because it's something she was forced into, but she's doing it for you"  

Eventually it will be over and you guys go back to your home.  She then keeps envisioning the night and feeling sick to her stomache because it's not the way she was raised and she didn't want to do it.  The marriage falls apart or weakens because she no longer trusts you.  

But in the end you got your 3some, so you're happy.  Is that how you wanted it to work?

*Sorry if this sounds terribly rude, but I'm growing tired of arguing the point that she will eventually "change her mind".

The original question was heavily modified so that it's not even a question anymore. Not quite sure why that was done???

Here's an idea. Why DON'T you guys go skydiving or something that doesn't involve her breaking her marriage vows or doing something that she would be ashamed to share with her friends the next day at lunch?? geeeeeze.

You can tell us the verbal definition of cheating, but you're really bordering on it. Sure, if you did it behind her back it would be blatantly cheating. But trying to set it up so you can do it in front her of her really doesn't make it A-OK!

dear 3some guy, if your wife don't want it you'll never get it EVER. i have always wanted to have one also but my wife has said no all four times i have asked her. but on the other hand she does really enjoy her dildos lately (tessie thanks). will your wife use a dildo? and if so would both of you go to a adult store together and pick one out?.
my wife has dated two of my friends prior to dating me and marrage many moons ago, we just went to the adult store last week and we looked around and she saw one she liked. she told me this c**k looks like cris, one of my old friends. that night she was screaming his name then asked me if it's ok to do my other friend ( the other dildo) and called it another friends name. my point is you can still have fun with out another real person. for me i thought i would love watching her with another guy with me ( i have seen her with another guy when we double dated in the past). but i REALLY enjoy watching her taking on the dildos. one pointer if you would like her to blow one put on a flovored condom.

hope this helped.

HAve I ever had a threesome mysef? No, I haven't. and I don't plan on it. BUt I know it would not end well, becuase I know myself well enough to know that insecurities, not about his fidelity, but about my competancy, would get to me. And yes, we have a strong relationship as well, we gotta to survive my mother and both of us going to school again.
And sex and skydiving is not the same thing. If she were to go skydiving with someone esle, a friend, that would not have been a big deal. If a partner were to have sex with someone other that their s/o, that would be cheating and in a lot of relationships would be grounds for break up or divorce.

A lot of us, your gf or wife, have real good memory...we don't forget things for a long time. A lot of us have big insecurities, that maybe having nothing to do with fearing that you weill be unfaitful. A lot of us are worried that there is someone who you might find more attractive or better in bed. Especially if we were a virgin before we got married. And while it might seem ok at first, talking us into a threesome is a bad bad idea. While it mgiht be fun during you do it, it's like opening a Pandora's box. It mgiht turn out to be ok, but if it's not...you will wish it never happened. If she is set in her ways, and you force the change, it has a potential of really hurting her, and for her to be hurting for a really long time. Would you really want to take that chance with a woman you say you love?

PS. Sex should never be on the same level as activities as skydiving or mountain climbing. WHat do you get after doing those things even if you didn't want to do it in the beggining? Maybe a few sore muscles, a few pics and telling yourself in amusement "I can't belive I did that". It will nto effect you after next few days. Threesome can effect her for a long time, if not for the rest of her life. Sex ain't skydiving, otherwise I doubt we would be here discuss all the emotions and resposibilities tied with it.

Konman probably put it a bit better than me...Im not to good with explaining my thoughts. i know tis not about loving the other person and i know how much my boy loves me but there is some little thing inside me that makes me jealous even when i KNOW Im being silly about it... alot of girls are the same and I was just trying to give a girls point of veiw because I can see where you wife may be coming from as I feel the same way...
But anyway thats not the point, as most people here have picked up on it seems that you are not respecting your wifes decision.... maybe its just the way you worded it i dont know but you cant MAKE her do anything....

[QUOTE=Quote (alan1969 @ July 04 2005,16:42)]skyby having a threesome is not about loving the other woman or man sure you have to like them but your in a marriage you love our wife or huby and i know if my wife changed her views i would make sure it was for the right reasons i can tell when she is doing things she doesnt want to do we have been married for 13 years and have two boys and if we can still be together after that im sure our marriage can survive any thing. You have to trust the person you love .

quote : dont make love to the moral police [/QUOTE]
I'm guessing that you trust your wife, but would you be willing to watch her get screwed by some other guy? My girlfriend trusts me alot, btu she won't get me a sex toy because she loves me so much that it would make her feel like I was cheating on her. She knows that I love her, and that I couldn't possibly love the friggin' toy, but her love is so bonding that it transcends reason and logic. This doesn't bother me one bit, I was just asking hypothetically, but I'm guessing that your wife loves you, and no matter how much you trust someone some people can't seperate sex and love. I sure as hell can't, and to tell the truth I don't want to.

Now, I understand that you are different than me, and you are entitled to your opinion, but I'm just saying, that you don't seem to respect your wives opinion, you just say that she could think otherwise, and that you don't understand what she is thinking. Try to understand her before you try to change her.

I agree that life is an experience, and I am onpen to all things sexual however i WILL NOT have a threesome with my current boy, maybe when we first started going out but i care way to much about him now to even consider sharing him with someone else.... and i know i would be even worse if we were married, you need to repsect your wifes wishes, even if you were to convince her chances are that she would only be doing it for you and it could end up ruining your marriage as she may come to resent you being with another woman... are you willing to loose her over this?

Some people are turned off by the idea of group sex and threesomes are definately not for them. Sex is an extremely important part of life. How awful it would be to spoil it for your wife by pressuring her in a threesome! If she thinks you won't enjoy it, she won't enjoy it.

I was married to a beautiful and exciting woman who loved threesomes. I was also married to a beautiful and exciting woman who abhored the very idea and I respected her wishes.

Were I to marry again, one of my requirements in a spouse is that she enjoy the occasional mff threesome. It's too important to me to deny myself this pleasure. But it absolutely is the kind of arrangement in which all parties must be enthusiatic participants. Otherwise, the result will be pain; not pleasure.

Thanks Jack, But you may also want to let Alan know that you and your wife probably discussed 3somes together and both agreed you would like to do it. And apparently you made that clear with your current gf too.

Unfortunately alan is with a woman who is not comfortable with a 3some and he's looking for ways to get her to participate. He feels he can change her mind on this issue.

I am interested in how you feel about that, Jack. And I'm not being bitchy here, I know it's hard to give voice reflections or how something is meant to be read when writing on this board. I would like to know if you were dating a girl and maybe married her and she was totally against 3somes, what would you do? would you keep trying to talk her into it or just look for other ways to spice of your sexual life together?

I hope you'll write and let us know!

I agree with those who have already posted on this topic.

My wife and I enjoyed many threesomes with other women. She was enthusiastic about these trysts and often arranged them. This is not to say that we had threesomes every night or even every week -- probably we averaged a threesome about once a month. Usually we would have another girl join us for the night or for the weekend.

Lots of women enjoy threesomes. It's been a pleasant surprise to me to learn just how common an activity it is.

I'm divorced from this wonderful woman now. Our divorce had to do with matters completely unrelated to threesomes.

My girlfriend and I also like to invite another woman to be our bedmate.

For men readers who have never partcipated in a mff threesome, let me assure you that you do not have to be blessed with extraordinary sexual stamina. The situation is inspiring. Moreover, the man is not "on stage" all the time as the women will want to play with each other.

Fair winds,
Jack

My ex husband wanted me to get into swinging too. I was a virgin before him and was not comfortable at all about being with other people. Plus I thought that would just be an open door for him to cheat. I considered it an uncaring request. I mean there comes a time when you need to accept the fact that you're married. Be faithful to her and enjoy life with her in all the other ways. Fulfull sexual fantasies together in the bedroom - alone!!

Ha ha. My ex sure was upset when he learned I went to a swing club when we were in our separation before our divorce. He was like "no way!! You wouldn't do it with me!!" Well that's because I was married, I happened to have taken our vows seriously.

Now that I'm in a relationship with my boyfriend i would NOT want to see him with another woman or be with another man besides him. I'm way too stingy to share!

If you're a couple that talked about swinging and both enjoyed it from the beginning and agreed upon it, then that's great!! Have fun! Enjoy it.

Asking her to do this when she has said she does not want to is wrong and disrespectful. Period.

I got to agree with everyone else. There is a big difference in having fun with your wife and expecting her to have sex with another person. For women it is usually wrapped up with their emotions and we can't just have sex for the sake of sex alone.

I let my husband push me into swinging. I wanted to make him happy and allowed myself to do it even though I always knew it was wrong for me.

When I refused to do it anymore there was a lot of anger from him. There still it alot of anger. I just don't care anymore.

Keep the sex between you two and learn to be more creative without actually adding another person to your bed. Trust me you might really live to regret it.

*** NOTE ***
POSTER'S ORIGINAL QUESTION WAS HEAVILY MODIFIED, MAKING MY RESPONSE LOOK OUT OF CONTEXT, BUT I AM STILL LEAVING MY ORIGINAL REPLY BELOW.
_

If that's the case, you should have married someone that shares the same belief(s) as you in those regards. It is unfair to impose YOUR ideas of what is acceptable onto someone else... especially the one you love.

If she is not comfortable with it - THAT is her choice. You should respect that choice and either (a) not pursue it further unless her views change or (b) end your relationship with her and find someone in your life that shares your views of open-relationships and multiple partners.

If my wife approached me out-of-the-blue saying that she wanted to sleep (mess-around) with other guys - and that "life was meant to be lived to the fullest" - I would say... "That's great! Let's get this whole divorce thing underway and you can get started when it's all said & done!"

That's not something you can expect ANYONE to be okay with against their will. They are either fine with it - or not.

(just my opinion)

I may be putting my own feelings into this by imagining the same happening to me, but I think it is selfish and inconsiderate to try to convince her if she has already stated her position and was honest with you. Let it go.

Peace.

What disturbs me is that even though you knew how your wife felt about it, instead of respecting her point of view and letting it be, you came here to try and find away around it, which to me seems rather callous. Other than that.... (you know me.... just have to add my 2 cents, no matter what) I agree with everyone else

i agree, threesomes are something not to be taken lightly, she said not with another guy, have you considered two girls? but then you have to take into account the jealousy factor

Secretly shy is absolutely right.

If there is any doubt about having a threesome, then it can do far more damage than any "fun" you might get out of it. If your wife isn't comfortable, then I think you have to respect that and keep the threesome idea as just a fantasy.

If your wife isnt confortable with the idea then you may has to come to terms with the fact it may not happen.