This question comes up once in a while and the general reply is-
* stop giving him oral

I'd try to find out the real reason he won't because I don't believe what he is telling you. Of course he may be telling the truth but more often than not this is an excuse for either not liking the taste and not being willing to acquire a taste for your juices. Or, that his fragile male ego won't let him because he knows he can't do it right so why try and look bad, etc., etc. etc.

My guess is the second because most guys who may have had a bad experience want to do it and will go thru fire and brimstone and pubic hair to try, again. So, me thinks there is something he is not telling you.

Question: how far down will he go? Will he trace his tongue down from your belly button to the top of your vulva? If yes, encourage him to go a bit further. If not, encourage him to at least do this.

Ask him to nuzzle your mons.

Encourage him to finger the folds of your vulva and to follow along with his lips and/or tongue. If he becomes comfortable with this then encourage him to go further--especially with your body language and physical and verbal responses.

IF not of this works, then you have to decide whether or not you are willing to settle for this or not.

TheSenseMaker33, I feel for you girl... :( I've got a similar problem with my man, so I know your pain! It really sucks.

What's different about my situation though, is that we have never talked about it at all. And what's more, there was actually ONE time where he DID do it, but get this... We were both pretty drunk (or at least I was, it takes a lot more to get him drunk) and I just keep thinking that the only reason he went for it that night, was because he thought I was wasted. Too wasted to know or remember, maybe? I don't know. But what I do know, is that I sure as hell felt it, and sure do remember it! From what I do remember of it, I know it felt amazing. And I didn't want him to stop.

We have never spoke of it, nor has it happened or even come close to happening since. And I just feel so terribly uncomfortable talking to him about it. I wouldn't even know what to say, and even if I did have a good way to bring it up, I just can't imagine myself feeling comfortable talking about it. What's wrong with me!?

It's definitely very frustrating, but it's just something that I've forced myself to live with since I'm way too chickensh*t to do anything about it. Unless there's something I'm just not thinking of, I don't think there's really anything I can do (or at least, anything I can bring myself to do). So yeah, it really sucks. And the more I think about it, the more upset I get. It kind of makes me wonder... is it me? Or is it just some issue that he has? What if he doesn't even know that I want it? There's no way for me to know his thoughts on the subject. See, I'm an idiot for not being able to talk to him about it! But then again he's not much of a 'talker'... I know these feelings and hesitations I am having are coming from somewhere.

> So if I cut him off, don't you think he would tend to get angry and then I get nothing in the end any way?

Good point; I do believe it is worth testing out.

Another thought might be to begin performing oral on him and then ask him for feedback on what he enjoys, does not, and would like you to do--and how. If he will be a willing participant in this, then encourage him to let you do the same for him with you.

> he will practically go all the way down there and even kiss my thighs but thats it, he stops there.

Have you tried guiding his head to your crotch with your hands? What about moving your body around to position it against his face, instead. Moaning, groaning, and asking for "more" might spur him on. Don't know, because this could also be a turn off. My answer: nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Be direct. Without oral I have great difficulty achieving orgasm. Tell him directly and it is likely that once he gets over the initial hesitancy he will learn to enjoy doing it. Otherwise, you have a decision to make.

I agree you need to try and get him to at least just take the intial step. A lot of the guys I know won't give oral because they are afraid that there will be some god awful taste or smell. I give oral to my girl almost everyday and I have never seen her orgasm more. Just talk him down and tell him that you won't judge his performance and that no one else will know about it anyway. You just have to talk down his mental block and let him see that there is nothin bad about giving oral sex to a woman.

I agree with the Doc. If he wants oral all the time, why can't he do it for you? If I were in your shoes, I would definitely cut him off of the oral until he gave me some. He may very well be afraid that he won't be able to please you, but like you said, you would tell him what to do. Try reinforcing the fact that you think it would be really hot and feel really good and you would really love it if he would go down on you. Good luck!

You get what you give. Be sure to tell him why.
Or you can tie him down onto the bed and sit on his face.
Either way!

[QUOTE=EvilEvilKitten;183531]You get what you give. Be sure to tell him why.
Or you can tie him down onto the bed and sit on his face.
Either way![/QUOTE]

LOL
Go EEK!

I agree with demon on this one, although Evil's idea really has a ring to it. I think talking is the key.

be forceful, then gentle, then encouraging and clear.

first, stop giving him oral. tell him that if he's not willing to return the favor, you just won't do it anymore. i've never had any resistance to going down on my gf because communication and equality are two things we value very strongly in our relationship, but if i was holding out and she made that ultimatum, id be burying my face between her legs instantly.

the reason he probably doesn't want to is he's afraid he won't do it right. either that or he's a macho lunkhead, and threatening to take away his oral will do the trick. if he's afraid, this is where the gentle and encouraging part comes in. find a position that's comfortable for both of you. bathe first (that one's important). when he starts, odds are he'll be way off. tell him he's doing fine, and guide him. most guys, well at least me, don't have any problem taking advice. just be patient with him, tell him exactly (precision is good) what you want. imagine the first time you went down on him. hopefully he was patient and encouraging. treat him the way you wanted to be treated the first time you went down on him. encouragement and specific advice are the way to go. oh, and don't be afraid to make noise and body movements. the more he perceives you're enjoying it, the more he'll be into it.

if this doesn't work, odds are he's just so full of himself he won't "subject himself" to a woman, or he's so insecure he's afraid to do anything new. either way, you might want to find a new guy

Agreed! And, you should continue to withhold from him - at least the oral. I mean, I know it's frustrating, but he's certainly not being fair at all. When I read how he tricked you into going down on him again, I was pretty pissed myself. I can't imagine how angry you are - and you have every right to be!

EEK's advice? :) I totally agree :D

Have you tried telling him if he won't, someone else will?
Have you tried telling him he's a bad lover because we won't get down on you?
I think you just have to make him realize you want it and either he provides it or someone else will.

Oh, and I think he doesn't want to do it. Period. Don't believe the "male ego" stuff. Seen some cases like this, and it's just a matter of him not liking it. He said it himself "Babe, I just can't do it." If he's disgusted with a female body, he's half a man, and trust me, with your sex knowledge, you would find better somewhere else. In no time.

[quote]I have to say I take that as an extreme complement lol.

Thank You[/quote]

You're welcome, but it's what I feel, really.

[quote]love him but damn one of the biggest things for me sexually is definitely clitoral stimulation..I can't go without it or I don't achieve orgasm..[/quote]

most women don't. that's why he's being an ass

[quote]but god I would just about give anything for him to take that extra step...I'm telling you I would be his dream girl in bed if he would...well I think I may possibly already be.[/quote]

That's the problem, my dear. You already are. :) stop being

[quote]Some guys are so freaking confusing..do you know what I mean?[/quote]

What, and you aren't? :p
But seriously, this is pretty simple IMHO. He's acting like an egotistical b***ard. And you love him. Hey happens. I had a girlfriend who broke up with me at 10 a.m. and started with my ex-best friend at 11 a.m. Got over it.

I think you love him more for what you get sexually, even with this problem, than actually love him, really. Might be wrong though. I just think that if you look over your shoulder, there's actually a line pilling up... you don't want to cause a traffic jam, do you? :D

[quote]can't get everything you want sexually though..right?[/quote]

sure you can :)

[quote]well I know thats a lie i'm just trying to make myself feel better in a horrible version of denial.[/quote]

Act on it then. remember, women have all the power (ask EEK). Men are easily trashed in their ego, and sometimes they should be. I've been trashed 2 or 3 times sexual performance-wise.

That's why I keep getting better. I know i'll never be perfect. But it's a world of fun to get as high as I can get!

[quote]What makes me laugh though is right now i'm strongly considering going to college to become a "Relationship/Sex Therapist" yet..I have sexual issues..well really only this one[/quote]

Issues? Not having your boyfriend going down on you is not an issue, it's only a "Not kicking your boyfriend's ass that often and showing him who's REALLY in charge" matter :p Check older posts and you will see that no matter how good a sexual therapist is, people will have different tastes. That doesn't make them less good professionals.

[quote].I think i'll give him another shot..[/quote]

good for you. and what will you do?

[quote]but besides getting rid of him do you see any other issue it could possibly be?[/quote]

Not really. I think a good scare will do, quite frankly. When you tell him, there's going to be 2 pictures in his mind: you having sex with someone else besides him and him making out with palm and the five sisters, AND being laughed upon by all his buddies for losing such a lover because he didn't want to go down on you. :)

It will work, trust me ;)

[quote]simply just like you said..tell him
"if he can't do it someone else will and he has one more chance to prove himself worthy, because honestly I don't need to waste my time with a half ass lover, I can do better."

sound good?[/quote]

Yeah, pretty much. :) That will put some "Sense" in his head ;)
If it doesn't... ah well... know what to do. :)

Someone else will be happy I'm sure :p

[quote]hats why your my favorite person on this forum[/quote]

Oh thank you. Glad I can help

[quote]Woah I thought you got off the forum for a while.[/quote]

I'm at work in the TV network. Had to subtitle Solana for 1 p.m. news.

[quote]Well I hope it works..but you know guys ..seeing as you are one..sometimes their just hard headed.[/quote]

we're just lazy sometimes, but if you rock us up, we act. :)

[quote]By the way I LOVE your signature..I actually Laughed OUT Loud On that one[/quote]

It's a bit what I think of some debates :D sometimes people debate without arguments, just contradiction. I always try to make and prove a point with arguments and facts. :)

[quote]you just seem very "well rounded" to be a 20 year old or less.[/quote]

oh thank you :D
33 the day before yesterday :D

[quote]side not it's funny to me that your 33 now not because of the fact that it's the last 2 digits of my screen name but because..i'm assuming that you may get married while your 33 and thats a love song by "smashing pumpkins"

*shrugs* just a bit of knowledge I thought I might throw in.[/quote]

Really?! Have to dug into that. :D It would be nice to see what it's all about

Okay, if you two lovebirds have finished, (j/k) since "sorry, I just can't do it." was his response - you'll have to go my route. Begin by incorporating dominatrix attitudes and play into your style. Pounce upon him. Be sexually demanding (no fellatio however) and use the female superior position in every bout at least once. Slide a collar around his neck and cuffs upon his wrists and ankles. Attach the cuffs to the bed. Then do body worship, omitteding his genitals, until the man's begging for you to get him off. (trust me - he will) Then place a knee on either side of his head and gently lower yourself onto his mouth and say sternly Lick and then Suck. If you happen to ejaculate, you can then say Drink. Once he has done this. You may then ride him or whatver to get him off. Do not untie him until you have finished using him and getting him to orgasm.

A bit rough but it seems he's only shy - this will get him over that rather quickly.

In my most humble opinion he's either selfish or he somehow feels disgusted - it doesn't necessarily have to do with hygiene, but with the way some men look at women.

Some men fear women - not because they fear their physical strength but because, in some cases, they have a certain type of fear regarding female sexuality and they don't really know how female bodies work (despite what they might like to think) and they have the feeling that 'it's all a big mess down there'. Mind you, I had a colleague whose boyfriend would feel disgusted touching her clit because he said to him, that was 'dirty and messy'. Go figure...

I'm not suggesting that you should leave him, but maybe just let him know that he if doesn't like to do oral sex on you someone else would.

If he doesn't even attempt, then really, this is his problem. Obviously, there is nothing wrong with you. You're clean and all. Take a shower right before and if he STILL insists that he can't do it...man, I'll come over there and punch him for you!

He's afraid of a smell? To me it sounds like he's just making excuses to avoid going down on you for whatever ridiculous reasons he may have.
You've talked with him. You've tried to stop giving him oral, but he basically tricked you into going down on him again. Unless you take a more threatening or forceful path, what else can you do?
He's being very selfish and ignoring your sexual needs. I'm not going to suggest you break up with him because that appears to be something that you don't want to do. You love him, so you're trying to work things out, which is good.
If you don't want to end the relationship, then I guess you have to keep pressuring him and possibly give EEK's suggestion a go. Whatever you do, don't think that anything is wrong with you. I don't know what his deal is, but it is certainly making things unfair when it comes to sex, and you shouldn't have to put up with it.
Perhaps showing him this thread would give him a clue of how inconsiderate he is being? (And how much of a jerk he is.)

Well, now is the time to get dominating!
All you need to begin is the attitude that his entire role as a male is to please you. Have him sit on the sofa, straddle his thighs facing him, kiss him demandingly and begin removing his clothing - do not remove your own. Stand up, holding onto his belt and inform him that he has 3 minutes to get naked on the bed, remove hisbelt and retain it, then say "starting now". Fold the belt in half and hold it in your hand and gently slap his leg with it. MAke it stern, you can wink if you must, but do not smile at him.

The idea now is that he's naked an waiting for you. Take your time. When you get there, command that he NOT move at all. He is there for you to use anyway you want to use him. If he does move, you stop whatever you are doing and step away from him. The punishment is that the sex stops - immediately. You do not ever hit him with anything. If he obeys, he gets sex, if he doesn't behave, then he doesn't get sex.

Do you see?
ry that a ew times and see if that works.

[QUOTE=EvilEvilKitten;184114]If he does move, you stop whatever you are doing and step away from him. The punishment is that the sex stops - immediately. You do not ever hit him with anything. If he obeys, he gets sex, if he doesn't behave, then he doesn't get sex.[/QUOTE]

Oh my goodness... When I read this part, I couldn't help but make the connection between this and training a puppy, lol! I know it must be weird that that's where my mind went, but the same basics apply - it's like positive reinforcement. :p I think it's a good idea though. Hopefully it works out for you, TheSenseMaker33! (Hey, if it works for a dog... right?) ;)

As a guy, knowing it's the only way I can really get her off certainly helps...

^ hahaha, I liked the comparison!
I completely agree you should get what you want or at least real reasons.
Smell? No problem, tell him to do that IN the shower, in that case it is impossible for him to use this excuse.
He is not saying anything. That is two bad things in one. not being open and being selfish. It would be great if you followed EEK's advice. I know I'd probably be a bit too scared to do it right away. But maybe it would work for you?

Looking forward to seeing your update!

Well, sorry about this reply, but that's bull**** SM33! He doesn't want to do it, period!

No man is afraid of a woman's smell. A real man that is. They are turned on by it.

It seems you're going to have to go dominatrix style. That guy is a loser (sorry about being blunt, but pagans normally are). I say you go EEK style, otherwise, go mandatory: either he goes down on you or you go down on someone else.

Send updates :D

There are just some men who don't like it, do not care for it, and are not going to do it. After some attempts, you need to decide if you are willing not to have oral as part of your sex life-not hoping he will change either. After you answer that, you make a choice.

sorry but no matter if he doesnt like to or not u dont tell someone to cheat on their S/O

[quote]sorry but no matter if he doesnt like to or not u dont tell someone to cheat on their S/O[/quote]

I beg your pardon?

Demonic, I think you are misunderstanding. It is just letting him know that if he isn't willing to do this for her then she does have other options besides being with him. No one is suggesting she cheat on him.

[quote=Demonic-Booze;184200]sorry but no matter if he doesnt like to or not u dont tell someone to cheat on their S/O[/quote]

Since you followed my response, I did not say to cheat. It's deciding if you are not sexually satisfied finding a relationship with someone you ARE compatible with!

for gawdsakes, just tape a $50 bill to your inner thigh!!..that'll get his attention!

cute... cute... not funny, but cute...

[QUOTE=sera300;184236]Since you followed my response, I did not say to cheat. It's deciding if you are not sexually satisfied finding a relationship with someone you ARE compatible with![/QUOTE]

sorry sera i wasnt referring to you. alban had said it at the top of the page. i now understand that the point was to show him she has options but personally i dont think threatening to leave is the right course of action. there are many other ways to solve problems. leaving someone isnt something that should be held as hostage so to speak

[QUOTE=alban lusitanae;184248]cute... cute... not funny, but cute...[/QUOTE]

ya, i agree....a $100 bill would work better