[I[COLOR="RoyalBlue"]]Big and weird question in your head Huh?[/COLOR]
I'm in a steady relationship now, we know each other for a long time, we were friends first and foremost. After alot of time and experiences we ended up together and I'm very happy and thankful for having her by my side.
She's more than my girlfriend, she's my partner, I love her.
We are both sexually very different, in part because we've grown to experience different things and people. She is less experienced than I am with the act of sex, but is very sexual herself. I've had 4 partners altogether, and she's only been with me. She has slowly and gently been opening up to me, we're sexually growing.
She's a beautiful sexy girl, and gets hit on alot. I think that now that she has experienced sex with me and is opening up more, she might want to try something different. I feel weird about this, and I need advice and different points of view.
In some ways I figure that it's not fair for her to have only been with me. I've asked her, just to know, if she has been curious about having sex with someone else, and she said "yes". I know that she is not trying to hurt me, it's only natural to be curious, and I went through all these weird emotions because of it....so I chose to accept her just as she is, curiosities and all.
In another way, I think about "What if it actually happened"...It would be so painful and freaking weird. We've talked about it, we've come to the conclusion that if at any time she feels the desire to do it, it's ok to do it, as long as we're honest to each other...I want her to be happy and to live without regrets. Hell I know sex is important for me.
She asked me"do you think it'll help our relationship?" and to tell you the truth, I have so many thoughts in my head, that I just don't want to see it as good or bad.....I'm just confused. I love her, that's all I know, and yea, to be honest, I would let her if she wanted to.....She knows it.
I just need some orientation, what do you guys think? Girls, your thoughts?
Thanks, we'll get in to the details when I see if anyone pays attention.
Good to read that the two of you can talk this sort of thing through. However, the fact that you're putting this down on this board makes me feel that you may not have been entirely truthful with her - yes you want to keep an open mind about it; no it's not pleasant and it would tear you apart if she went for it. Have you told her so that (or really, your own) way?
I admire your "courage" (or isn't this really "love"?) as I would never have had the same, at least not in the early stage of the relationship/my infatuation with my love. Now that you've put this on the table with her, you do need to let her know how you truly and deeply feel and not just put things in a way that will make her feel at ease to go out and experiment while you are left to rot in your corner.
(By the way, I do not consider the feelings you express above are either selfish or narrow-minded. They're just plain human and nothing to be ashamed of.)
I know I would never let anyone sleep with my girlfriend. I like the fact that people find her attractive and try to chat her up but thats as far as it goes. Any more and thats my personal space. Its teritorial for many blokes and I would hate another man to touch my gf in the way I do.
Sex is private and intimate to me, a way of showing love and afection so thats why I feel this way.
To me it looks like you dont want her to sleep with anyone else. But out of the fear of her leaving you if she gets curious you said it would be ok. Put it this way, if she did go ahead with it your relationship would never be the same and you will probebly split up anyway.
The way I look at it your togeather because you make each other happy. You may aswell enjoy the times you are having togeather rahter than worrying about the future. Women think about more than just sex so if you make her the happiest girl in the world she wont want anyone else.
Make it clear how you feel or you will regret it. Ive only slept with one person, who is my girlfriend and no matter how much I wonder what its like to sleep with others, I would never go ahead with it because there's only one person in the world for me :)
Hey, thanks for the comments, nice insight.
Ok, yea, I have told her that it would deffinately make me feel awful, but that she shouldn't worry because I was willing to take that in order for her to be happy. Hey, women have children, believeme I've delivered babies, looks awfully painful, and I don't know why they keep coming back for more.
Guess I feel the same way huh?
I liked the comment about me being affraid to let her know exactly how I feel. But the fact is that I already have, we talked about it for like 5 hours. I admire her for being so open and honest with me, I preffer to see her that way. Before coming to this realization I was just critical, which that wasn't much help...just made me feel like crap.
So I decided to acept her, I mean nothing has happened yet, so why should I feel bad because she's curious. I remember I was so courious about sex, and I'm probably still courious too.
She said to me once that I should stop mentioning it, because she knows that it makes me feel bad, and that I just conjure it up. But hey I said "better it happening now than when we're more involved and we have less time and youth to digest it". Anyway, I dunno, still confused.....
She said to me once "would you like me to do it?". She said "I'll do it if it'll make you feel better about this". And the weird thing is that I said "YES". A cold feeling in my stomach took hold once my words had reached her. I actually said yes. Weird huh?
But wait, don't jump to conclusions just yet. I said yes, because I want her to be regretless about her sexlife. I don't wanna keep her tied to me and my "sex" without her knowing what someone elses touch is like.....I make love to her, we've had sex...but I guess in some ways I see her like having missed a great concert, and I have the one ticket for the next show.
I'm sure she doesn't need my permission or approval, she could very well do anyone she pleases. I dunno this is so confusing, and I haven't got the slightest clue as to what to do or say. So many conflicting thoughts.
I read somewhere while trying to do research for this, that when you let your partner sleep with someone else it could be devastating, because maybe she'll enjoy it mre with that other person, and it would be weird seeing that she could have so much pleasure and extasy with someone else. And then, my ego could be shattered to see her with someone better endowed than me inside her making her cum.....ahh so many thoughts in my head.
I remember she said "well if it ever happens don't see it wrong, just think of it like an experience I had and just let it go". She said this because I'm very curious about this kinda stuff with her and she made it clear that she would feel awkward telling me what happened during her "experience".
.........I'm a mess. I've been able to tackle so many things in life, but this emotional crap has so little logic to it. Either that or I'm in some ways emotionally crippled. Whatever.
Anyway, thanks for your interest, hope to see more opinions soon.
Now for the voice of experience, since apparently no one who has acually shared has replied.
In the swing world - which you might be about to enter, women rule. This means she will not only open up but will fully embrace her sexuality in a way you may not be prepared for. Most women find freedom there - freedom from jealousy, freedom from modesty, freedom from worrying if she's too fat, too skinny, too pretty, not petty enough and so on. She will say No she will say Yes and both without explanation or apology. She is the partner that picks the other participants in coordination with the other ladies involved.
The men get laid more than they ever dreamed possible.
Now then - most men who are into it agree that they get a kick out of seeing their wife with other men that is to say the husband enjoys it and that they also enjoy seeing her enjoying herself - she enjoys it.
You also learn things you didn't know about him/her before simply because everyone has a different style. Does she like A? You might learn that she does if you see her doing A with another. Or that B is not a very good idea at all.
However: your relationship will change dramatically. Whether for good or ill, no one can say. Go to a swing club and mingle but do not play then go home and discuss it further.
Until you can walk up to a man and say, with great dignity, "My lady would like you to have her phone number." you are not ready to swing/share. There's more but I'll wait.
Why are you so persistant on her going out and trying the same thing with some one else? It will hurt you after it is done, your mind will be racked with ideas of what happened and how you stand up to it all now. Whether her feelings are the same towards you.
You want her to live without regrets right? To be sexually experienced? To experiment somewhat?
So why not experiment with eachother. See what really gets the both of you off together. Experience sexual things together. You may be her only partner and have experienced everything with you. That is something to look back at too!!
It is a special bond between two people, to share and experience as a couple.
Be Smart. Don't mess it up.
Well, 2Much? You have heard from 3 persons who have not done it and say Don't. And from one has has and still does who says Maybe. Where does the issue now stand with her and you?
This is getting very interesting. On one side there's the opinion that the experience will probably be detrimental...and then there's another voice stating that it could actually move in to a whole different type of relationship. Very, very interesting...thank you.
To adress the first I would have to say that yes, I know it could be destructive, but that's why we would take some time appart. We would still continue being friends, and would still talk, but not with the same intensity. Is this putting the love of my life on the line? Yes it is. But I understand her feelings. I know she's willing to spend that time with me only. And yes, we could grow together, and we probably will. But the world is not just me or her. Not to boost my own ego, but we're smart and very curious people. We've seen and want to see alot of things.
Now yes, maybe I'm pushing this, but I just want to be 100% sure that I did not hold her back...is that logical?
Ok, now to address the swing thing. Ok, first off, I really don't think she's the swinger type, she's old and cute enough to have become that already if she wanted to a long time ago. But it is a valid point, it's sort of like swinging, but a little more elaborate and less aggressive maybe? Besides this would be just experimenting. Granted, she (or in that matter I) could freak out and become engulfed in that whole carnal part of sex. Yes, the getting laid part sounds really flashy and stuff, but I'm happy like I am. Besides, I not only have sex with her, sex is just physical, when I'm inside her I let go...and enjoy her, not only in the physical sense, I actually enjoy just being so close to her and seeing her get pleasure from my presence there. I mean I enjoy the sex so much, but I would never trade it for the quiet moments that we've shared.
Hell, when we're old and she's dry like an old bag of potato chips, and her boobs are droopy and weird, I'm still gonna love her....or at least I plan to. Jajaja. So yes, sex right now is a BIG part of our relationship, but not the biggest part.
Now, If I could have sex wheneverand wherever I wanted, well, I'd be doing it so much I'd probably die from multiple system failure after a couple of months....jajaja. But seriously, let's go back to the point. Ahem.
Yea, right now we're young, and that gives us the opportunity to experiment, and well, cuz we're litterally still growing...what do you think? Yes, that "It's a Maybe" part is real true. Maybe she'd enjoy having sex with lotsa guys (which girl wouldn'g), actually, I'm pretty sure she'd love it.....But such things involve a bigger problem.
Now the question is "If we agree for her to do it...who would she do it with?" You see it's a tricky process. She probably wants someone who wouldd treat her nice and be thoughtfull of HER and not just someone who gets her naked and ****s her....although, that's also fun...sometimes.
Ahh this is too weird. But in a way I feel free just talking to her about it, and whatever happens I'll always love her. Truth is that, even if she breaks my heart, she's gonna be the owner of the old raggity shambles she'll leave behind. Why? Well....I guess because it makes me happy just to know that she exists.
So, more comments? Keep em comming, I enjoy this!
Oh and thanks!
By the way...
If she was to go through with it, how would it be handled? Would she just do it once? Or would it be a period thing? Maybe multiple guys? (not at the same time).
I dunno...give me feedback people!
[FONT="Georgia">hi:) ...
ok. well I'm the girlfriend...
and please someone make him understand he has do drop the subject! i appreciate that he is opened enough to let me go out and experiment, and that he loves enough to be able to say those things...
but i don't want to! i don't need to have another sexual partner! and he doesn't get it:mad!
make him understand he is not depriving me from anything.. if i felt i needed it i would do it.. but i don't! and that's it!
and yes, I've told him that if me doing it would make him shut-up... or make him feel better I'll do it! but i know it would only damage our relationship...
so... if someone can make him drop the subject.. i will be very greateful.. cause I'm going crazy with this!
oh.. and ok.. he forgot to mention.. so, i haven't slept around.. but I've dated enough guys (a lot actually) to know what i want... so, and if i didn't feel the need to sleep with all the guys I've dated.. why am i going to start now? why am i going to risk loosing the guy i decided to spend my life with.. but HE DOSEN'T GET IT!
thanks for reading all the stuff he's written... and replying... hopefully this will make things better...[/FONT]
...
Got it, Jack?
Cut it off now! She only loves you ... only.
(Maaaaaaaaaaan! The personal stuff we bring into our relationships!!!)
Hey - the girlfriend- we can't make him a anything - that's YOUR job! If he cannot get off this topic, then maybe he's NOT the guy for you. He certainly is not listening to you thus far.
"but i know it would only damage our relationship..." Really? Based upon what? Prior experience with this particular man? Another man? Or because it is you?
Amazing what people know without actually having tried it.
well 2much i think you have it, your gf has spoken, time to let it go, obviously she loves you and she doesnt want/need anyother sexual partners, be happy together, its time to end this subject~ move on and take care of her xD
So yea, like you saw, I told my GF about this (I love you doll) and she posted a reply...
OK, let's see what else other people have to say and what she has to say about all of this.
She just wants me to quit...but then, how did I get this idea inside my head =S
Fantasy, 2much, and just trying it out in reality is all. It is a common fantasy.
Hey,
Now you have written it down on paper so to speak he might get the idea :).
seems like u love her
if she loved u
she wuld be curious
i guess
but real love
means wanting to be with one person
and one person only
so i durno