Do you masturbate? It's very hard to know what someone else can do for you if you don't know yourself. If you do, guide him to what feels good. Foreplay can be very important. If you use the "stick it in and go", I'm pretty sure you may never enjoy it. It's all about trial and error. Experiment and I'm sure you'll hit a few things that will open doors to much, much more.

We women often need to learn to enjoy sex and learn to reach orgasm. The book Our Bodies Our Selves was written to teach us how our bodies work and get us over all the baggage that was trained into us about what "should" be.

Our best training is alone - masturbation. There is a statistical relationship between how young we started masturbating and sexual satisfaction later in life. But, it is never too late.

There are good ideas on this Board and on the site clitical.com.

Welcome to the SI101 Board and its Forums. I hope you enjoy participating. Please begin by familiarizing yourself with the FAQs, the Posting Guidelines section, and especially the Index, all found at the top of the main screen.

> I've been with my bf for a month and have only had sex a few times ( he was my first ).

For a man or woman who is in a new relationship having romantic sex (not just lusty sex for sex sake), one month into it is a bit early to build a comfort level with each other, and, trust, not to mention losing one's inhibitions enough to let go emotionally and really get into the "moment". These aspects are compounded when one or both individuals have no experience.

> Problem is I just cant seem to get into it, I try but nothing happens for me so i've yet to see the fun side of sex.

There can be one or several reasons why this may be so.
* How inhibited are you, emotionally? Physically?
* Have you learned to masturbate and can you climax regularly
and consistently? As Buck stated, this is critically important.
Each person is responsible for his/her own orgasms, we do not
give them away. All any of us can hope to accomplish is to help
our partner achieve them. That said, you have to take his fingers
and guide his movements over a few sessions until he learns to
mimic your unique and specific movements. KEY to this is in also
giving verbal and non-verbal feedback on how you are responding
to his kisses and caresses and for what you need now/next.
* How emotionally connected are you with the guy? If you just
like him and have little emotional involvement then there may not
be any pheromones, "sparks", and emotional involvement to get
all turned on.
* Another KEY ingredient to successful love making is in the how-
to of making love. Are the two of you devoting a minimum of
forty five minutes just fooling around and making out? It takes
half an hour or so of kissing and caressing and going through the
stages of "Necking", "Petting", Heavy Petting", all before getting
to "Foreplay" in order to arouse a woman sufficiently. Men also
benefit from spending this time to getting all turned on.

Again, as Buck stated, if the two of you are rushing to have your
respective climaxes whether from oral and a hand job {Foreplay)
or actual intercourse, then you are placing the proverbial cart
before the horse! If so, it's no wonder things aren't workin' for ya.

> I really want to get into it and enjoy sex but also want my bf to enjoy having sex with me.

Do you mean he isn't enjoying having sex with you? I can pretty much bet that he is having fun unless something is very wrong with the process and procedures. Making love is not what we do to each other, it is what we do with and for each other. It is a partnership and also a process of exploration and learning. This can sometimes take time in order for one or both people to become comfortable with each other, to develop trust, to become uninhibited about being seen without clothes on, etc.

Making love and engaging in sex is serious business, yet you should not take it so seriously that you cannot have fun. RELAX, do not rush, and take the time to turn each other on--really on, and to be comfortable in each others arms.

So much has been made about sex education yet this is often at the core of a couple's problems. I encourage the two of you to learn as much about the art as the science as you can. "Sex Ed." is not just about the biology and what goes where. As Brandye stated, begin learning (more) by reading the book and the info on the website she suggests. In addition, the Index found at the top of the main screen contains links to helpful informative insightful and how-to articles. I recommend that you begin at the top of page one and continue reading each of the articles and internal links until you get to the bottom of page two.

> Is there anything I can do or my bf can do to help me enjoy sex?

Do the homework by reading the material we recommend. Do this separately or together, then discuss what you have learned and begin integrating the various information and techniques into your lovemaking. Please pay particular attention to the information in the articles by EvilEvilKitten (EEK). Lastly, do not be too critical with yourself; be open to new ideas and concepts and learn to become comfortable within your own skin and within each others arms.

If you have questions or concerns, please do not hesitate to ask. Answers are a major reason this site exists. All we ask is that you do your homework, first, and take birth control seriously. I hope this is of help.

Enjoy
-doc

S L O W DOWN. Do not rush.

It takes time to become comfortable with yourself and with each other. It takes time to learn to trust each other. It takes time for love to blossom.

There is a difference between being in "like", loving someone, and being "in love". Each stage is a process and part of a progression from one to the other. Some couples only make it to stage one or two while others make it all the way with plenty of pheromones and "chemistry" between them.

There is a link in the Index to an article that describes a method a girl/woman can employ in order to learn how to masturbate as well as why it is necessary. Basically, explore your body with your fingers, hands, and also a flashlight and mirror. Learn how your Vulva is constructed.

Next, plan to devote a session or two sitting in a bathtub filled with warm water. (No soap or bubble bath.) Explore your body, learn what feels good and repeat these feelings. Let your mind wander then begin focusing on the those specific sensations building between your legs. You can then transfer your sessions to the bed. Plan to practice when you are not tired, or otherwise preoccupied with problems and concerns. Also, do it when you will not be disturbed by others inside or outside. Practicing in the morning is a great time. Just wake up forty five minutes or so before having to get up. If you are cool, calm, and collected at night, then try practicing after going to bed. Also know that your ability to respond will vary depending upon what time of the month it is.

> As for forplay there really isnt much of that.

Please read the articles that delve into making out. Women require time to become aroused. Men benefit from this development time, also. Learn how to begin making out, progressing through the various stages, why each is important, and, why bypassing or moving too quickly short changes our ability to fully enjoy each other and what we are doing with and for each other.

I recommend that you spend a few weeks and a few dates just Necking, then a few more weeks and dates at each of the other stages before you ever see or touch each other's genitals or fully nude body.

Do not be in a rush to let him expose your breasts. There is a how-to article on this important aspect of love making, also. Let the intimacy build over time. Permit him to only fondle them from outside your clothing, then much later, you can let him explore from inside your blouse or shirt, and much later yet, slipping a finger inside a cup. Sometime down the road let him unfasten your bra, letting it dangle, yet not fully removing it for a couple of dates. Let the suspense and the anticipation build during the next several months. Do these things between now and the middle to end of summer before ever getting fully naked. Do not let intercourse be the goal. The goal is to learn how to pleasure each other, and how to demonstrate the love you are establishing between you.

The two of you may never get to intercourse--or, you might. It all depends upon what you learn along the way. If you only touch his penis through his pants, so be it. If you want him to expose it through the fly of his pants later on, let this be the limit for the time being. The same goes for you and your pieces-parts.

Learn about limits and boundaries. There is an article on this, also. Begin reading the many articles and why each one is important to your success and happiness. As you learn and progress, begin adding the things you learn into your lovemaking a bit at a time.