One of the most asked questions has to do with how to to get "him" or "her" to climax from stroking or fingering--oh yes, and then there is the blow job question that often goes along with this.

What follows is the information I give most often.

ORAL STIMULATION-

About guys-
As fantastic as blowjobs are, they usually present a different path to Nirvana than what he is used to in order to reach an orgasm. It is not uncommon for a guy to become much more aroused from this form of stimulation than what it takes to reach an orgasm by hand or intercourse. The reason he has trouble or cannot climax is because the stimulation is not what he needs and has come to rely upon over the years to trigger a climax.

Soon after every guy begins to masturbate he quickly settles into a routine or a set pattern of rhythms, movements, and pressures that he then pretty much relies upon day in and day out for the rest of his life. Oh, sure, we may vary the routine from time to time in order to experiment and to stave off bordom, although if we stray too far from what works, an orgasm will either not happen or it will be less than expected.

My recommendation with regard to oral stimulation is two-fold: First, to do it as you and he desire to drive him wild with anticipation and desire, raising his excitement and pleasure into the "Ozone layer" far far above that which orgasms provide (either solo or especially by you); second, when it comes time for his climax, to let him slide back down his arousal curve (drop down into the "stratosphere") to add a hand job near the end in order to trigger the orgasm via its normal path. This is what I refer to as the dynamic duo. Learn to mimic his stroking technique. Encourage him to demonstrate how he does it and then to take your hand and to guide your movements over a few sessions.

In addition, every guy has one or more hotspots. Learn where they are and then rub one or all when he is very very aroused for maximum effectiveness. The A#1 hotspot is the Frenulum {Y-shaped ridge of skin on the bottom of the shaft extending from the cleft to the start of the shaft). One or more secondary hotspots can often be found distributed randomly around the Corona Rim.

Girls-
(The same holds true for you with him.)

WAIT--HOLD ON--

Listen up-
If the two of you are engaging in intercourse before he has been aroused to the brink of an orgasm then you are starting intercourse much too soon. It seems to be a common misconception among some young guys that the way to build arousal to the brink of an orgasm is from lots and Lots and LOTS and LOTS of stroking and thrusting. WRONG. Stroking should be used to maintain a pre-existing high level of arousal and thrusting to peak it bringing on a climax. If this is what the two of you are doing, (spending ~10-20+ minutes stroking away as an example) then delay intercourse and devote a lot more time to making out. Devote no less than half an hour to making out, especially for her benefit (and yours!). You want him to be on the raw edge of a climax yet not so close that he cannot still maintain control so that moving into position will not trigger it. Please read the articles listed in the Index on the fine art of making out and all of its variations.

MANUAL/HAND STIMULATION-

Another of my common replies is that we do not give orgasms away. Each of us is responsible for our own. All any of us can hope for is to help our partner achieve his/her own. To best accomplish this, it is important that we understand how our partner masturbates. While we may know the basic mechanics involved in fingering a clitoris or stroking a penis, there is much more to this that I call the "Fine Art". Each person, male and female, develops a set routine shortly after learning to masturbate that is unique and specific to each individual. We pretty much rely upon this method for the rest of our life. Oh, sure, we can vary the technique somewhat to curb bordom and to add variety and spice; however, if we drift too far from what works, either an orgasm will not happen, or it will be less than expected.

In order to maximize what can be accomplished by caressing the penis, try cupping your well lubricated palm and rubbing the Glans of the penis in a circular manner as if to polish a door knob. "Results vary", although this is one sure way to drive him wild.

+ You can let the surface of the Glans slip between a couple of fingers using different amounts of pressure
+ You can encircle the Rim with thumb and one or two fingers and rub just this one part. If you know where any hots spots are then you can add additional pressure to these areas all based upon the reactions you are getting from him
+ Combine one or more of the above while stroking the shaft with the other hand

Girls, take note-
It is critically necessary for you to be able to masturbate and reach an orgasm on your own. If you do and can, then you can guide him in what to do in order to achieve an orgasm. If not, then you absolutely must learn to masturbate, first, in order to connect the nerves in the skin with the pleasure center of the brain and to establish these connections. You must know what it takes to bring about an orgasm before you can expect your partner to help you have them. Guys pretty much learn matter-of-factly right out of puberty; girls learn much later in life, if at all.

For all concerned-
I recommend that each of you demonstrate to the other how you masturbate and then to take each other's hand and guide each other's movements over a few sessions until both of you learn to mimic each other's method of rhythm, motion, and pressure.

Please keep in mind that very few positions provide an opportunity for a woman to achieve a climax directly from intercourse. That said, what a loving, caring, skilled, lover will do is to reach around and finger the clitoris while stroking. Hint...hint.... Consider helping your partner to climax before intercourse as well as after, also, if it is her wish.

More On Oral-

About Guys-
1. Most anything is pleasurable except for an inadvertant scraping by the teeth!
2. To make sure this does not happen, the woman should wrap her lips over her teeth and then moisten them while stroking.
3. Guys can become hyper-sensitive immediately after having a climax.
4. Combine oral and manual stimulation, together, when he is at the brink of an orgasm.

About Gals-
A. Women can and often do complain that the clitoris has become too sensitive to touch immediately before having a climax. Both occur from the release of a chemical in the brain.
B. Stimulating the clitoris indirectly is the best approach once it has become too sensitive to touch directly. This can be done by caressing adjacent pieces-parts, and/or folding the inner labia over it and massaging the clitoris through them. In addition, do not forget about the shaft that is buried beneath the skin and between the folds of the upper vulva.
C. The area around the outside of the vaginal opening and just inside are rich with sensitive nerve endings. If you want to stimulate the vagina, concentrate your efforts here rather than going inside, especially if she is a virgin.

One of my favorite oral techniques is to use my lips as a vibrator on occasion. To do this just pucker up and blow through them making a motor boat engine sound. (Add humming for more intensity) You can vary the intensity of the air being expelled, the pressure used, all to make her squirm in wild abandon. This said, guys, please keep in mind that not every gal likes or wants you to do this, so do a test run, first.

Because the female orgasm is much more internalized than a man's I believe it is good etiquette and a necessary part of feedback to let him know in no uncertain terms when you have climaxed. Doing so keeps him from asking the age old question of "did you cum (yet)"? Feedback can be given verbally or non-verbally. Verbal feedback can be a word or a phrase or some other utterance the two of you work out to convey a specific meaning. The same goes for non-verbal communication that can be a squeeze of the hand or some other form of body language.

In all cases, male and female, the partner should take his/her cues from the other as to what is pleasurable, what is needed now, or what not to do. Spend no less than half an hour (more within reason if time permits) just making out with plenty of kissing and caressing of each other's entire body, except for the erogenous zones at first. Work these areas into the mix as time progresses and passions build.

Making out should be all inclusive. In otherwords, you begin at A, add B, add C, go back to A & B, add D, and so on.

Necking, Petting, and Heavy Petting are all progressive and should come before any Foreplay. When you begin Forplay, then all these other things are simply included until a person's passion, excitement, arousal, anticipation, tension, are peaked.

* If you are not receiving any pleasure, then help your partner understand what is missing and then to include this into the mix. Communication is key. So too is exploring, and learning, and discovering together. Making love is not what we do to each other; rather, what we do with and for each other. It is a partnership.