Hey everyone. I have a boyfriend who whenever he masturbates, he feels shame and guilt about it. I have no idea why. He is not religious so that couldn't be why but he always feels shameful and guilty after he does it. I am personally fine with him masturbating if he wants to and encourage him in it. Yes, I love to make love to him but we only see each other 3 times a week and so I am sure there have got to be times when he feels the need to masturbate because I'm either not available or he simply doesn't want to make love/have sex. He always tells me when has masturbated and then he tells me that something bad is going to happen the next day because of his masturbation. I always tell him that nothing bad will happen just because he masturbated but the next day he is always in a depressed mood. Why is this?
Wed, 03/23/2011 - 07:57
#1
How can I help my boyfriend get rid of his shame and guilt about masturbating?
tell him his body NEEDS to ejaculate. The male body is constantly producing the different pieces of semen, and it has to be gotten rid of somehow, he might as well enjoy it. Also tell him that you want him to. I'm sure he will get over it if you just talk with him about it alot, and even help him masturbate.
> help him masturbate.
This is an oxymoron. Masturbation is a solo activity. The lad probably has no problem having the o/p stimulate him.
> tell him his body NEEDS to ejaculate. The male body is constantly producing the different pieces of semen, and it has to be gotten rid of somehow
What are his thoughts about having periodic nocturnal emissions/wet dreams?
How does your boyfriend rationalize the following:
* Nocturnal emissions
* Stimulating his penis to orgasm
* Having you stimulate his penis to orgasm
* Enjoying intercourse
The destinations are the same regardless of the route taken. That said, please ask him to explain why he believes masturbation is wrong or dangerous when the others are not.
My recommendation is for him to read up on masturbation and the benefits for doing it, and, perhaps having a session with a psychiatrist or sex counselor.
Benefits of Masturbating for Boys and for Girls
One fact bothers me about his belief that by masturbating something bad will happen. Unless your boyfriend has lived a very sheltered life, he's gotta know two things:
T#1- that all males masturbate, albeit some more often and/or frequently than others
T#2- that if he has "urges" and an overwhelming need to have an orgasm, why would his physiology be lying to him?
Males of the species enjoy climaxes for the following reasons:
* stress relief
* simple enjoyment
* expression of the love he has for his partner
Lastly, if your boyfriend believes that masturbation is bad, why does he do it? Why not stop? If he says he cannot, then how can this be a bad thing? If, by holding off for as long as possible, he finds his stress level increasing and/or his anxiety level increasing, then how can lowering these conditions via an orgasm be bad?
If your boyfriend believes that masturbation is bad, how does he rationalize every other male doing it, also?
WHY?
as in "why do you feel guilty about something you SHOULD be doing?"
Unless you know why, there is nothing you can do to help him.
You can talk to him until you're blue in the face but unless he addresses the issue 'head-on' there will be no solution to thisproblem.
[color=green]that's a psychological problem.....probably an influence (parents, ex, etc.....) that stims from his life before you......[/color]
Do it with him and give him a photo of you, or a shirt that smell like you. Guys need visuals and props. Let him know you like that he wacks off and thinks of you when your appart.