Ok so about a week ago I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. He's been with three other girls, one he was sexually active with for 6 months and the other two were one time. The first time he had trouble keeping an erection and he told me later he was really nervous because he wanted it to be special for me and was afraid to hurt me and mess up something. (I'm a very nervous girl and have trouble doing stuff with him he's been so sweet and patient with me ad waited until I was ready) this weekend we tried again and the same thing happened. Both times we were able to eventually have sex but it took upward of an hour to get there. I feel like its sort of my fault for putting so much pressure on the situation and being like super vulnerable. The only problem is I have no idea what to do to help him. :[ I tried just telling him the truth that I didn't care if we didn't have sex and that it didn't bother me at all but it's really frustrating him so I don't know what I am going to do. How can I help?
Sun, 07/20/2008 - 04:14
#1
How can I help my boyfriend?
I think maybe he is just not ready himself. Maybe he needs to feel more relaxed and comfortable around you. Try not making sex the goal, tell him you just wanna makout or somthing and if he is feeling in the mood then sex is a bonus.
Ok I personally just tell people first time sex will suck 90 percent of the time.
First of all you dont know each others bodies that way and you are not comfortable with the physical actions that are being performed.
The secret is, practice and comunication.
Try it out and talk it out every time.
It was similar for me first time virgin sex was awkward and dissapointing and then 5 years later me and my highschool sweatheart were sex machines just orgasming and exploring all the time and everywhere.....then we broke up......then I started dating and discovered its still nearly just as difficult to have a balanced pleasurable first time. Not saying it never happens its just rare.
So observe your situation and accept that this will not happen overnight
Its not like the movies :)
Maybe if your really struggling just pace yourselves have sex for a little bit then get each other off with oral or hands. Just take baby steps and enjoy every second as much as you can.
More than likely your boyfriend is experiencing anxiety that is quite typical both for fairly inexperienced guys, and for anyone in a new relationship. The simple solution is not necessarily so simple to accomplish, yet it is simply to relax. This is a mental exercise as much as it is one of trust and familiarity with you, as well as having confidence in himself.
You gave him good advise. As noted, above, do not make intercourse the goal, rather, just make out and have fun and if things go further, fine. Learn to give him a hand job by asking him to demonstrate how he masturbates, and then to guide your hand with his over several sessions until you learn to mimic his routine of motions, rhythms, and pressures. Key to all this is in him providing feedback (verbal and/or non-verbal) on how he is responding to your caresses and for what he needs now/next.
Please look at the Index found at the top of your main screen and read the many articles listed in it. You'll find a lot of helpful hints 'n kinks information and insight.
Lastly, if his erection begins to subside, grab hold and stroke the shaft or titillate the Corona Rim and Frenulum in order to help rebuild it. Do not make a big deal about this or the condition will get worse, not better. Help him to relax and not fixate on "performing". Having great make out sessions will help the rest fall into place sooner than later.
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We do make sex a goal too, like we know we're going to because we live far away from each other so it's like "Ok so your house this weekend? We're going to?" Thanks for the advice next time we'll just start hanging and what happens, happens.
And about what madeye is saying, I thought that since he hasn't had trouble before that there was something wrong with me but maybe it's just because we are a relatively new couple (5 months) and just need to learn and teach each other.
I'll look at the articles thank you guys!
Hi Lizzi
Wow sounds as if your boyfriends got a penis problem. I know that really has never happen to me and if it did my g.f would laugh at me. The excuse he used it totally made up and is covering for his lack of sex drive. You know what you have to do and you need to doit fast.
> The excuse he used it totally made up and is covering for his lack of sex drive. You know what you have to do and you need to doit fast.
ho8er2, I do not believe your answer is either insightful or accurate; it is completely off base. On the one side you have a person with a nervous disposition who is also apprehensive, and, you have a guy wanting what we all want at this stage of the game, wanting things to be perfect and without a hitch or glitch, yet knowing that it probably won't happen. The result: Performance Anxiety, a very real condition. The fix is for the guy to simply stop worrying; easier said than done, yet that is the answer. As they become more comfortable with each other and the situation, this should ease and go away, soon.
His sex drive has nothing to do with this, period.
> You know what you have to do and you need to doit fast.
And just what is it that she has to do fast?
[QUOTE=ho8er2;219463]Hi Lizzi
Wow sounds as if your boyfriends got a penis problem. I know that really has never happen to me and if it did my g.f would laugh at me. The excuse he used it totally made up and is covering for his lack of sex drive. You know what you have to do and you need to doit fast.[/QUOTE]
You're sort of an insensitive ******* aren't you? I'm glad your girlfriend would ruthlessly mock you if you had a situation like this, serves you right. Please refrain from commenting on my posts if you aren't going to be helpful or kind.
And what exactly do I need to do and fast? Clearly I don't know or else I wouldn't have posted here now would I?
But thanks I guess, you've really given me an appreciation for my boyfriend. He's kind, respectful and understand. Everything you seem to not be.
[quote=ho8er2;219463]Hi Lizzi
Wow sounds as if your boyfriends got a penis problem. I know that really has never happen to me and if it did my g.f would laugh at me. The excuse he used it totally made up and is covering for his lack of sex drive. You know what you have to do and you need to doit fast.[/quote]
Hi ho8er2
Wow sounds as if you are an a$$hole.
To think someone gave me negative feedback for my advice in this thread I cant imagine how bad ho8er is looking right now lol.
If his advice was worded properly and applied to a different situation I would be more forgiving of this crude in your face advice.
Considering that the "man" in question has previously had sex and now has to approach a situation where he is all the sudden expected to give her a memorable first experience I have to sympathize and and give him the benefit of the doubt.
Looking back im shocked I didn't have that problem, ok maybe i didn't have that problem I had a different problem. Instead of being so nervous I couldn't get an erection, I was so nervous i blew my load in about 20 seconds.
Have no worries love, don't trust how television, movies, and maybe a few immature friends (and forum folk) give you the false pretense that sex is this consistent fluid romantic and pleasurable experience. Even when you think you and your man have found your stride and start having great experiences something about your bodies and senses will change with your life and you will hit a rut and nearly start over and change you entire idea of "great sex". Once you have the experience and comfort these situations will just be opportunities to communicate and rediscover how much fun two bodies can have.
be safe and have fun.
And do some research on the health concerns and gyno needs that are required by a sexually active woman. Nothing to be afraid of as long as your educated and make the responsible choices.
Doc posts plenty of that information for you probably in the "womens health" section.
And please be using birth control and condoms!!!
Just wanted to say that I agree with the others; that it is an anxiety problem and it would be best for both of you to stop putting so much pressure on having intercourse. And don't worry, it isn't anything that you are doing wrong, just takes time and a certain level of comfort to get there, especially for those new at it.
[QUOTE=madeye;219626]To think someone gave me negative feedback for my advice in this thread I cant imagine how bad ho8er is looking right now lol.
If his advice was worded properly and applied to a different situation I would be more forgiving of this crude in your face advice.
Considering that the "man" in question has previously had sex and now has to approach a situation where he is all the sudden expected to give her a memorable first experience I have to sympathize and and give him the benefit of the doubt.
Looking back im shocked I didn't have that problem, ok maybe i didn't have that problem I had a different problem. Instead of being so nervous I couldn't get an erection, I was so nervous i blew my load in about 20 seconds.
Have no worries love, don't trust how television, movies, and maybe a few immature friends (and forum folk) give you the false pretense that sex is this consistent fluid romantic and pleasurable experience. Even when you think you and your man have found your stride and start having great experiences something about your bodies and senses will change with your life and you will hit a rut and nearly start over and change you entire idea of "great sex". Once you have the experience and comfort these situations will just be opportunities to communicate and rediscover how much fun two bodies can have.
be safe and have fun.
And do some research on the health concerns and gyno needs that are required by a sexually active woman. Nothing to be afraid of as long as your educated and make the responsible choices.
Doc posts plenty of that information for you probably in the "womens health" section.[/QUOTE]
Thank you! Very helpful.
[QUOTE=EvilEvilKitten;219755]And please be using birth control and condoms!!![/QUOTE]
haha thank you! I am on birth control and we use a condom everytime :]
[QUOTE=Lizzies234;220066]haha thank you! I am on birth control and we use a condom everytime :][/QUOTE]
Hallelujah! Thanks for being responsible. The post by Doc pretty much sums it up. Things take time. Just like how the focus of a relationship should be enjoying each other's company and not "trying to find a husband/wife", much of the pleasure in sex comes from being able to let go and just enjoy it instead of insisting s/he will have the best orgasm of their life. Eventually, though, as long as you take your time and constantly learn, you will reach a point where you can do that with someone, and man, it is ever fun.