well, i know what u mean. ive been overweight for most of my life, im talkin 260+ at about 6'1. but over the years ive shrank down after working out and eating right. im now at a healthy 200.

but that pain and insecurity of not wanting to be seen never really goes away. we keep on seeing these small little "flaws" and they get magnified until thats all we see. but really, its not like that. if we are with someone, they obviously dont mind were overweight. i mean really, they are gunna know taht were overweight, so why would they be with us if t hey didnt want us as we are?

i dunno if ur with someone right now. but if u are, remind urself that they are with u for a reason, and also find you attractive for a reason. if ur single, u gotta realize that our "flaws" arent that huge. its just something we need to deal with and get on with our lives. it isnt worth spending time agonizing ourselves over things we cant really change.

but as for me. i love chubby chicks. i love their bodies. there isnt a damn thing wrong with you. the only thing unsexy/unattractive about thick chicks is when they are so distraught over their own bodies.

ive been with girls who are absolutly GORGEOUS. but they always need reinforcement that they are attractive. it gets really draining to have to keep repeating yourself. empower yourself and remind yourself. your damn sexy.

Hey, don't get too hung up about being a little chubby. There are many guys who find larger women attractive. I lean that way myself, even though I'm 6'1" tall and slim.

By all means wear the sexy lingerie and go for the grooming, if you wish. If that helps you to build confidence in yourself, then all well and good. I'd say that you are probably on the right track with that.

What you say about a guy wanting to be with you is sort of right, except that instead of overlooking your chubbiness, perhaps he actually finds that attractive.

Don't sell yourself short.

[QUOTE=OriginalBoks;162134]well, i know what u mean. ive been overweight for most of my life, im talkin 260+ at about 6'1. but over the years ive shrank down after working out and eating right. im now at a healthy 200.

but that pain and insecurity of not wanting to be seen never really goes away. we keep on seeing these small little "flaws" and they get magnified until thats all we see. but really, its not like that. if we are with someone, they obviously dont mind were overweight. i mean really, they are gunna know taht were overweight, so why would they be with us if t hey didnt want us as we are?

i dunno if ur with someone right now. but if u are, remind urself that they are with u for a reason, and also find you attractive for a reason. if ur single, u gotta realize that our "flaws" arent that huge. its just something we need to deal with and get on with our lives. it isnt worth spending time agonizing ourselves over things we cant really change.

but as for me. i love chubby chicks. i love their bodies. there isnt a damn thing wrong with you. the only thing unsexy/unattractive about thick chicks is when they are so distraught over their own bodies.

ive been with girls who are absolutly GORGEOUS. but they always need reinforcement that they are attractive. it gets really draining to have to keep repeating yourself. empower yourself and remind yourself. your damn sexy.[/QUOTE]
First of all, i want to congratulate you on your weight loss through exercising and healthy eating. Go you! :)

And yes, true, i know plenty of women who are so insecure even though on the surface they look thin or they've lost a lot of weight. i love chubby men, why don't i get that many chubby men hitting on me though? When i was really overweight i would just wish some chubby men would hit on me and then i would feel comfortable being myself. But they go for the thin girls it seems. Or maybe they feel bad about themselves they don't hit on a lot of women? I like thin guys, don't get me wrong, i love lean but i also love all the body types out there, muscular etc. But i've always felt wierd being overweight with a thin guy- and sometimes that has stopped me from truly enjoying the sexual experience.

But yeah, i'm losing weight steadily from healthy eating, no exercise although my sister in law who just came to live with us is going to whip me into shape that way. :) I took psychosis drugs for years- still take them but they're the ones without side effects- the old ones blew me up. But i lost most of the weight without a switch in medication through healthy vegan raw eating and learning to be satisfied on less, although i probably lost muscle too on the way which i have to build back up.

But i think fat people are beautiful. I always thought that. And people wanted to be with me when i was fatter so i know there are people out there that love us too. Just i couldn't get past my negative thoughts about my body no matter how hard i tried so gave up being close to anyone at that stage. And that shouldn't be. so this thread is for all the fat people out there who need to learn to love their body no matter what size it is.

Thanks OriginalBoks, for your sincere reply! :)

[QUOTE=cyclefreak;162156]Hey, don't get too hung up about being a little chubby. There are many guys who find larger women attractive. I lean that way myself, even though I'm 6'1" tall and slim.

By all means wear the sexy lingerie and go for the grooming, if you wish. If that helps you to build confidence in yourself, then all well and good. I'd say that you are probably on the right track with that.

What you say about a guy wanting to be with you is sort of right, except that instead of overlooking your chubbiness, perhaps he actually finds that attractive.

Don't sell yourself short.[/QUOTE]

Hi again Cyclefreak! :)

Thanks, i really appreciate your opinion. It makes me feel good that chubbiness can be an positive thing.

Yeah, i think i'm going with the grooming and i'll keep it up after i'm where i want to be thin wise. I've done the grooming on special occasions and got a lot of good responses so i know that works, although it's still scary taking off your clothes. But i think that could give me the self confidence i need maybe...

right now i've had a nice experience with a friend although it didn't go far. But i like this other guy who's really thin and muscular and he can assure me all he wants that he likes thick girls (although they've complained that he makes them look fat... hehe!). I had a bad experience with this guy, my first actually, who would say i look beautiful in the heat of passion then told me i was fat afterwards or would ask me if i lost weight when i told him i was eating healthy... and i was like now, just a little overwieght, maybe 20 pounds, and he was really thin (but not lean). So, that kind of makes me feel oh they say things like i love thick girls but then they're actions prove that they're lying. oh well, it could have been just him.

anyway, i think i'm totally beautiful at this weight but i'll wait till i lose weight to get freaky unless i run into someone completely by accident who wants me and i want him... hehe! thanks guys for reminding me that fat is beautiful.

and if there's anymore ideas or experiences about being overweight and loving sexuality you can post it here!

Honestly, it's not about how you look. I used to be the same way. I'm a larger male(i'm talking 6'1 280 here). My apperance used to be everything. I would try everything to lose weight. i changed my diets. i excercised, I never gotten to the point of tanking any pills becuase i think they are a joke(like a pill can really make you lose wieght by sitting on youir bum). So anyway it worked for a while...but i always end up getting lazy on myself and i get most of the weight i lost back.

Well just recently i fell inl ove with someone who loves me for who i am. I know teens may think it's a bit corny but it's the truth. i used to be really shy with her. But she doesn't care how i look and loves me very much no matter what. Now this doesn't mean i am going to stop trying to lose weight. It just means that when i am being intimate i don't have to worry about such things as my wieght or something isn;t big enough or something is TOO big.

You most likey don't wanna hear this but i am going to say it anyway. You shouldn't rush into sex. Find someone who cares for you, who has enough brains to know that sexy isn't only on the outside but the inside as well. Find someone who you can spend your life with. Then you shouldn't have to worry about the small things :).

Romanticism- you are your name aren't you? :D

Thanks. I'm glad you found a woman who can love you no matter your size. I'm like that too. I've always given every size a chance. That's so lovely! :)

I feel like right now i just want sex though. And i want the stuff leading and after sex too. I want to keep my options open while looking for Mr. right so i don't fall for the first guy i get and then get dissappointed. But i may not have to look far, this is just my thoughts on the subject. I might get lucky on the first couple of trys like you. I wish you the best... and thanks! :)

Yeah, and your right, if i'm just about sex i might get hurt by guys who are just about looks. That's something to think about. But i really want to be a sexually free women, even if it involves getting hurt a little through the learning curve. Hmmm... i'll think about this. I definitely think i want a guy to love me and treat me with respect and you can't know if a guys like that if you jump into bed with him first thing.

And keep on keeping on with the weight loss. You'll get there, we all will. You're totally handsome now i bet... :)

[QUOTE=yuna5;162173]Romanticism- you are your name aren't you? :D
[COLOR="Red">Lol i try to be my name...sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't.[/COLOR]
Thanks. I'm glad you found a woman who can love you no matter your size. I'm like that too. I've always given every size a chance. That's so lovely! :)
[COLOR="red">thank you :)[/COLOR]

I feel like right now i just want sex though. And i want the stuff leading and after sex too. I want to keep my options open while looking for Mr. right so i don't fall for the first guy i get and then get dissappointed. But i may not have to look far, this is just my thoughts on the subject. I might get lucky on the first couple of trys like you. I wish you the best... and thanks!

[COLOR="red">Well of course you have the last say in who you want to have sex with. But i wish you'd take just a little extra care before you do have sex. Guys can be very sneaky when it comes to things like this.[/COLOR]

Yeah, and your right, if i'm just about sex i might get hurt by guys who are just about looks. That's something to think about. But i really want to be a sexually free women, even if it involves getting hurt a little through the learning curve. Hmmm... i'll think about this. I definitely think i want a guy to love me and treat me with respect and you can't know if a guys like that if you jump into bed with him first thing.

[COLOR="red">Well you could be hurt really bad, just be sure to do it safely....please. About the leraning curve, it might be better if you found someone who also hasn;t had sex yet. That way your both learning and growing together. Also you can be a free sex spirit just do it safely. Sex is great, but only if you realize it's also very risky.[/COLOR]

And keep on keeping on with the weight loss. You'll get there, we all will. You're totally handsome now i bet... :)[/QUOTE]
[COLOR="red">Yeah ill get rid of it eventually

of and im not handsome:P[/COLOR]

Yes you are handsome! :D

And thanks but i have had sex before- shhh! no just kidding- but i've had sex with 2 guys. I put this in the New To Sex forum because it wasn't about dating, it was about body image so i thought this was the most appropriate forum. And it wasn't about either gender but both really. Definitely will be safe- condoms and birth control- i'm not having a baby!

What do you mean guys can be sneaky? :)

Its more about what you are on the inside rather than the outside, I know this sounds cliche. I have had negative body images most of my life. I am turning 52 in a few weeks and still have some of the images. You need to project what you feel inside. Not all men want a model thin woman, most of them want a real women with real curves and real feelings. If this really becomes an issue for you, find some one to talk to a therapist. Life is to much fun to go through it so sad

[QUOTE=yuna;162107]I think fat people need love too. And i think people want to give fat people love.

I'm not that fat anymore, but i'm a few dozen pounds over being thin. How do i get over my disgust of my body?

I've always been thick, or i've been thin and when i've been "thick" i've never had confidence to have my body seen naked, i've always been disgusted with it. When i'm thin i'm fine though.

But i need the touch of a man. And why should i wait till i'm thin?

I can think intellectually but instinctually i feel like i don't want any guy to see me naked.

How do fatter guys get past their body image to be seen naked?

How do fatter women get past their body image to be seen naked?

I think fat is a not an insult, it's just a fact, so sorry if some people don't like how i describe it.

My only idea is to wear some really sexy nice lingerie. But do my hair and make up and look as perfect as i can look and not take off my lingerie till the end. That's a pretty good idea. I could shave everything, trim everything, legs, underarms, eyebrows, upper lip ;) and do my hair perfect and wear perfect makeup and get a beautiful bra a bikini set. Then i can get a manicure. And just look totally perfect in every other way besides being fat and if a guy wants to be with me then they know i'm a little overweight so they should overlook my little chubbiness right? What's your opinion?[/QUOTE]

Hahah i am not! :p

I mean guys can be sneaky becuase they can say anything to make you believe they care. Then you have sex with them and they don;t care about you anymore. I have 2 friends that are really good for that. If your susceptible to charming guys then your in even MORE trouble lol.
I don;t like saying we becuase i happen to be a black sheep as the males go but WE have this ability to use and abuse woman. Just be careful

Thank you Ellentheb!

Yes, it's what's on the inside that counts. Yeah, i have a social worker, i talk to her regularly about this but i don't know if i can get into like "how do you deal with being seen naked while you'r eoverweight?" ya know? that might suprise her. But i think i'll talk to a sex therapist if it gets bad but i think this thread is really helping me out to see what's truly important. But i'll rpobably lose the rest of the weight in not much longer and then i'll have nothing to worry about. But i just wanted ideas to be sexy and big, ya know? And you definitely can be!

I am married and recently have found a lover that adores my body and makes me feel like I am the only woman alive. There is a cover for every pot so to speak

[QUOTE=Romanticism;162178]Hahah i am not! :p

I mean guys can be sneaky becuase they can say anything to make you believe they care. Then you have sex with them and they don;t care about you anymore. I have 2 friends that are really good for that. If your susceptible to charming guys then your in even MORE trouble lol.
I don;t like saying we becuase i happen to be a black sheep as the males go but WE have this ability to use and abuse woman. Just be careful[/QUOTE]

lol! you are, you are, you are! and i'm not taking no for answer... :)

thank you- you're right- i have to be careful of those guys. Those are the type that can hurt me. I hate it but it's a risk i'm gonna have to take.... Have you read my "sex or marriage" thread in "dating and relationships", Romanticism? That's where i am at this point in life. I'm not a ho, this is not about money, it's about pleasure. I just want to feel different guys and gain experience and the way different guys touch you can be so unique that one guy can make you like a sexual position or feat that another guy leaves you feeling cold with. And i want to learn to like each and every sexual, sensual thing there is. I don't want to go through life missing out on pleasurable things because i'm limiting myself. Although i know i'm meant for one guy eventually, most definitely.

[QUOTE=ellentheb;162181]I am married and recently have found a lover that adores my body and makes me feel like I am the only woman alive. There is a cover for every pot so to speak[/QUOTE]

That's nice, i just hope you're honest with your husband about sleeping with another man. It might not ruin your marriage it might actually make him want to improve. Or he could sleep with other women if you're doing it...

But the thing about cheating is that you never know if the other person will develop strong feelings and then try to become the only one in your life, maybe threatening to tlel your husband, maybe attacking your husband, you never know. If i see a couple of men at the same time i'm going to be truthful with each of them so they know the deal and it's safer.

I think your marriage can survive this if you want it to. sorry if i sound bad, who am i to talk but wanted to give you a different perspective on the subject. I wish you the best, Ellentheb. God bless. :)

[QUOTE=yuna5;162183]lol! you are, you are, you are! and i'm not taking no for answer... :)

thank you- you're right- i have to be careful of those guys. Those are the type that can hurt me. I hate it but it's a risk i'm gonna have to take.... Have you read my "sex or marriage" thread in "dating and relationships", Romanticism? That's where i am at this point in life. I'm not a ho, this is not about money, it's about pleasure. I just want to feel different guys and gain experience and the way different guys touch you can be so unique that one guy can make you like a sexual position or feat that another guy leaves you feeling cold with. And i want to learn to like each and every sexual, sensual thing there is. I don't want to go through life missing out on pleasurable things because i'm limiting myself. Although i know i'm meant for one guy eventually, most definitely.[/QUOTE]

No have not read that yet...i'll go there now.
I never said you were a "ho" my guess is that would make you more of anympho then a "ho" Either way just be careful. it's your life and your body and you only get one.

A nympho! haha! yeah, i'm a nympho! hehe! omg! i'm going to tell my friends that! they'd probably agree... although that's what i sound like i really haven't had much experience.

Oh, and of course you didn't call me a ho, just wanted to clear that up for anyone who had that misconception from the way i write.

[QUOTE=ellentheb;162177]Its more about what you are on the inside rather than the outside, I know this sounds cliche. I have had negative body images most of my life. I am turning 52 in a few weeks and still have some of the images. You need to project what you feel inside. Not all men want a model thin woman, most of them want a real women with real curves and real feelings. If this really becomes an issue for you, find some one to talk to a therapist. Life is to much fun to go through it so sad[/QUOTE]

Ellentheb is spot on with this. I'm 51, and I've had a rather negative body image of myself too, even though I'm fairly slim. I've always thought that I look rather pale and scrawny naked, and that no woman would ever find that attractive. I've discovered, though, that the image you have of yourself, and the way other people see you are often quite different.

She is dead right about many men wanting women with real curves and real feelings too. That's the way I feel too, although I do think that sometimes guys take a while before they realise they feel that way.

And, as far as your weight is concerned, I would suggest that you don't worry so much about the diets and concentrate more on getting fit. Find some sort of aerobic exercise that you enjoy. Running, swimming, cycling etc. are all good, but you just need to find what is best for you. If you find something you enjoy, then it won't be a chore, it will be fun, and you will want to keep on doing it.

Honestly, exercise is the key. Too many people worry about their weight, when its really fitness that counts. I firmly believe that if you get fit, and are reasonably sensible about what you eat, then your weight will settle to a level that is appropriate for you. And you will reap the benefits in many ways. You will feel better, and it will help your sex life.

For my part, I enjoy cycling. Its something I've been doing every week now for around 25 years, and I have really reaped the benefits in terms of fitness.

Thank you but unless you walk in another persons shoes you can not understand what and why they do things
I am having a fling on the side that I hope is long term, I would never tell my husband. My lover and I are both attached and have no need to leave our mates, we are both in sexless marraiges and use our realtionship to fill the void. He is a very oral man and I adore that. So dont worry about me I am a big girl and I know what I am doing, and enjoying every minute of it.:D

[QUOTE=yuna5;162184]That's nice, i just hope you're honest with your husband about sleeping with another man. It might not ruin your marriage it might actually make him want to improve. Or he could sleep with other women if you're doing it...

But the thing about cheating is that you never know if the other person will develop strong feelings and then try to become the only one in your life, maybe threatening to tlel your husband, maybe attacking your husband, you never know. If i see a couple of men at the same time i'm going to be truthful with each of them so they know the deal and it's safer.

I think your marriage can survive this if you want it to. sorry if i sound bad, who am i to talk but wanted to give you a different perspective on the subject. I wish you the best, Ellentheb. God bless. :)[/QUOTE]

cyclefreak;162276 wrote:

Ellentheb is spot on with this. I'm 51, and I've had a rather negative body image of myself too, even though I'm fairly slim. I've always thought that I look rather pale and scrawny naked, and that no woman would ever find that attractive. I've discovered, though, that the image you have of yourself, and the way other people see you are often quite different.

[COLOR="SeaGreen">True True. :) Whenever thin men call themselves scrawny i like to refer to them as lean instead. I like the lean look. I call it the fashion model look- not the bodybuilder type fashion model though.[/COLOR]

She is dead right about many men wanting women with real curves and real feelings too. That's the way I feel too, although I do think that sometimes guys take a while before they realise they feel that way.

[COLOR="seagreen">Take a while huh? Yeah, i guess everyone has to grow and learn, i did and you did...[/COLOR]

And, as far as your weight is concerned, I would suggest that you don't worry so much about the diets and concentrate more on getting fit. Find some sort of aerobic exercise that you enjoy. Running, swimming, cycling etc. are all good, but you just need to find what is best for you. If you find something you enjoy, then it won't be a chore, it will be fun, and you will want to keep on doing it.

Honestly, exercise is the key. Too many people worry about their weight, when its really fitness that counts. I firmly believe that if you get fit, and are reasonably sensible about what you eat, then your weight will settle to a level that is appropriate for you. And you will reap the benefits in many ways. You will feel better, and it will help your sex life.

For my part, I enjoy cycling. Its something I've been doing every week now for around 25 years, and I have really reaped the benefits in terms of fitness.

[COLOR="seagreen">That's so cool! I figured from your name you're into biking. 25 years is a long time. That's amazing! Yeah, i want to get into power walking. I did that for two weeks. I'm also thinking about wearing a weight vest on my upperbody to tone it while i'm doing the walking. But first i'll give my sister a chance to whup me in shape. [/COLOR]

[QUOTE=ellentheb;162285]Thank you but unless you walk in another persons shoes you can not understand what and why they do things
I am having a fling on the side that I hope is long term, I would never tell my husband. My lover and I are both attached and have no need to leave our mates, we are both in sexless marraiges and use our realtionship to fill the void. He is a very oral man and I adore that. So dont worry about me I am a big girl and I know what I am doing, and enjoying every minute of it.:D[/QUOTE]

ok... yeah, i can't understand... true... just be safe so you don't get an std and give it to your husband. My friend just found out her husband was cheating when she got hit with like 3 STD's and she was faithful. so, her husband finally told her the truth.

Anyway, i wish you the best, Elletheb and i'm glad you found at least a little or maybe it's A LOT of happiness. :)

[QUOTE=yuna;162107]

How do fatter guys get past their body image to be seen naked?

How do fatter women get past their body image to be seen naked?

[/QUOTE]

They either need to learn to accept things the way they are or do something to change things.
Losing body fat is not as hard as people think if they put their mind to it and follow a strict diet and train hard, but you have to want it. If your happy the way you are then by all means stay that way, but realize that there are options. You just need to decide whether it's worthwhile to you or not.

[quote=whitewater;192452]They either need to learn to accept things the way they are or do something to change things.
Losing body fat is not as hard as people think if they put their mind to it and follow a strict diet and train hard, but you have to want it. If your happy the way you are then by all means stay that way, but realize that there are options. You just need to decide whether it's worthwhile to you or not.[/quote]

100% accurate! Be comfy in your own skin; if it bothers you (your weight--something which is easily fixed) then do it. You can always go back! Loosing fat fast? Cardio for a short period, weight training, and a decent diet (not starvation either). I am not implying to use all the machines but rather the use of "free-weights"! Stamina and strength increases, metabolism kicks in, fat burning happens, and you do feel good; emotionally, physically, and about your appearance. Then comes the marathons! Energy levels hit an all time high & so does your sex drive!!! Remember if you do not like the results you can always return to your previous state of health--with ease & no effort!