Why is it so frustrating?
All you had to do was simply stop whatever, wait until she stopped talking, and then resume whatever you were doing.

This is not rocket science here, guy.

Tell her what your reaction is.

Talk to her about it, and let her know that it upsets you.

When she 'unlocks her tongue' - stop everything. If she doesn't take the hint, and you should tell her what a 'mood killer' her language is, next time leave.Just simply stop, get up, and walk away. That usually has an effect. Then you can say 'not so loud' or 'tone it down - I'd rather not fuck a longshoreman".

Some times, telling isn't enough and you have to show.

[QUOTE=anaheimsk8er;251979]My gf loves to be on the bottom cause we love gazing at each other through her legs through the folded deck chair position esp. Anyway, she's normally a very quiet sweet and shy person, but when we have sex, it just seems to unlock a beast. I don't mind her being kinda loud and doing some dirty talking, but sometimes, she's too loud and a little too brtual for my tastes. Like she said a few nights ago: fuck me you dick loving pussy hating bitch! you tiny dick pussy! and she was screaming so I had to actually cover her mouth with my hand, lean down, and kiss her to tell her to be quiet.

How can I make her be a little less brutal and quieter with the dirty talk?[/QUOTE]

And to think that I pay EXTRA for that service!! LOL:D

Yes, just talk to her about it. Communication is the most important thing in any relationship. You can't read each others minds. Tell her not only what you don't like, but also what you do like. I would NOT recommend stopping or walking away. That would be bad.

Okay - during coitus, the brain is rather 'on hold' dontcha know, so talking and trying to communicate - you have to get her undivided attention first and that's going to be difficult - if he stops moving - he'll get her undivided attention so 'bad' or not - it is the fastest, and clearest, way to get the job done.

If she can't adapt to such a simple request, I doubt this would have been the least of your problems. You're better off, IMO.

<--brick-counseling time
Then perhaps next time you will LISTEN to me and DO what I recommended.

JUST STOP MOVING

simple, effective, and respectful since it leaves the choice up to her
hand over her mouth is derespectful so you deserve what you got
remember females generally understand nuance, males generally don't get it

Because 1. that's what you do to children and 2. that makes it YOUR decision, NOT HERS.

If you're going to indulge in adult fun, you have got to be adult about it.

You can choose to not participate, as in not moving, but you cannot make her decisions for her.

Are ya mute or something? Ask her - "Are you going to trash talk some more?"

You aren't out of line here so stick to your guns. She's killing your mood while all you're asking her to do is to tone it donw.

hmmm now she is pushing you to the point of anger, what happens next you slap her or worse to get her to shut up?
not saying you will but you see my point?
When she starts again tell her you wont tolerate it, if it persists get up and walk away. If she still doesn't get it maybe it is time to find someone else.
Time to man up

So, it is time for you to find someone else. Do so.

[QUOTE=anaheimsk8er;252324]. I just wanted to get her to realize that I didn't like it and that i was kind of insulted by her trash talking. .[/QUOTE]

Well if she is too immature or stupid to stop it then don't have sex with her.. Find someone else who wont treat you this way.

Yes. I will agree with that.

Have you, you know, tried talking about it outside of the bedroom?

*shakes head and pads off*

ACtually yes, he did. Where have you been?

What I don't understand is why no one seems to think it's important that during sex your gf actually likes the trash talk. So basically you are being turned off by it, but by telling her to knock it off or "tone it down" you are going to turn her off.
I don't know about other women, but for me, when I am full on turned on, into sex, my brain is somewhere else. I am in the moment and sometimes I say things that later would make me blush.
So you asking your girlfriend to stop trash talking would mean taking her out of her body and putting everything in her head. How is that enjoyable to her?

It seems you are both acting rather selfishly and should call it quits. From your posts it doesn't seem that you have too much invested into this relationship beside "staring through her legs", so it shouldn't be that hard for you to find someone who makes the appropriate noises in bed, & for her to find someone who likes to be called a pussy & a bitch.

Good Luck!

Well, I for one don't 'trash talk' during sex...I make noises but you wouldn't call it 'speech'. "Expressions of pleasure", yes; speech, no.

and then I purrrrrrrrrrrrr afterwards

Talking isn't mandatory or important...unless it is important to you. This is why having a wide 'social circle' is important; you find out what you like and what you don't. And yes, your head had better be with you when you're enjoying sex. ALL systems must be engaged.

The point I am trying to make is when your entire body is engaged in sex, including your brain, & you are with someone that you feel comfortable enough with, your inhibitions fly away. I don't think that it is right to ask someone to change something that they enjoy during sex, just b/c it makes you uncomfortable.

For example, this girl wants to trash talk b/c when she gets turned on, that is what her body tells her to do, but her boyfriend wants her to stop, and start to think about a more appropriate term to use. That in itself is a turn off, to think, "Oh my boyfriend doesn't like this, so what should I say instead."

I am also not saying that they should stay together or either is right or wrong. If sex with your partner isn't completely comfortable w/inhibitions to the wind, you are missing out.

Why not? He can ask. Just because you're asked doesn't mean you must do what is asked.
But it depends upon what relationship you want to have. If you LOVE this person, and you are seeking something long-term, perhaps marriage, you try to NOT make him uncomfortable by moderating or modulating those behaviors that are "relationship killers". What you do is try to find "Win-Win" solutions.

We ALL teach or partners what is and what is not acceptable to us simply by how we behave or react.

In this case she could stop saying trash and start saying OMG THAT WAS SOOOO GREAT!!!! DO THAT AGAIN!!! or something to that effect. She gets her self-expression and he gets his comfort that he isn't in bed with a longshoreman by mistake and THEY BOTH WIN.

That she didn't even try and showed him disrespect when he talked to her about it shows that LOVE was conspicuously absent in this relationship. So his choices were quite clear: either enjoy her for as lnog as he could take it (thus confirming her low opinion of him) or find someone else.

I have to disagree with inhibitions flying away during sex. That doesn't always happen. And that isn't what her body tells her to do, that is what her brain says is 'acceptable'. Let's suppose that he got off on smacking her across the face - would that be what his body was telling him to do? "Oh, honey, I love you but I can't orgasm unless I'm knocking a few teeth out of your head?" And since his inhibitions were now 'gone' would that be acceptable?

If she has to compromise, so should he. I feel that the are both being selfish, not just her.

Also, comparing "trash talking" to violence is a little dramatic. Don't you think?

To explore ALl of the ramifications of an argument, one should carry the premise out to its extreme. If it is valid at the extreme then it will be valid in moderation as well. Which is precisely why you do it. Doing this also makes the point more clear.

Your argument breaks down at that point. And he's not asking for a compromise, not really.

It isn't that he minds her talking - just that he doesn't want her to be that extreme. He said TONE IT DOWN not cut it out, if you will remember. I don't find that being too much to ask. And her calling him a "pussy" because he didn't like it and wanted her to moderate her language was completely out of bounds!

He was willing, she was not, therefore she was the selfish one in this case.

Yeah b/c covering her mouth and shoving her is "asking" her to "tone it down".

My argument doesn't break down anywhere. They shouldn't be together if they can't completely loose themselves in each other. And by loose themselves I mean, relax completely and enjoy sex to it's full capacity as they want it. It's like someone who enjoys choking and dominating, becoming sexually involved with someone who is conservative in bed.

They aren't compatible sexually if he can enjoy sex as much as he wants but she has to back up & alter how she enjoys it.

Unless they have a lot committed to this relationship besides sex I suggest they break it off and find different partners. If they are invested then there should be some compromise on both ends.

anaheimsk8er I wonder what would happen if you dished out some abuse to her
maybe try calling her some names see how she reacts to that.

[QUOTE=anaheimsk8er;252444]Okay, here's the thing. I didn't mind if she said things like "fuck me" and "OH! That feels so good". She would occasionally scream! That was really sexy. But only when she did it fairly quietly.

Saying stuff like: "fuck me you dirty fucking bitch! You dick loving pussy fucking cumguzzler!" was not a turn on to me, it was insulting and it annoyed me how she did it with a smile on her face. I told her to tone it down nicely, but she would just call things like "fucking pussy" and "shut the fuck up, I'll fucking say what I fucking want!" Again, she was so quiet and shy normally, so it was a big surprise.[/QUOTE]

I am not having any problem understanding your dilemma or that you are "insulted" by what she is saying. What I am trying to get across is that when you and your gf are enjoying sex, you both need to compromise. I think that as long as she is saying things that aren't insulting she should be able to say them as loud as she wants.

Also, you need to sit down with her at a separate time, and have a serious conversation. You need to explain to her that you don't mind when she screams or says dirty things, but when she says things that insult you, you are completely turned off and sex isn't enjoyable. If she cannot understand and doesn't want to change anything, than you guys need to call it quits.

You covering her mouth or shoving her are not ways to get your point across, and like said from other comments, you are taking away her right to make the decision herself.

Do not just say compromise: say WHAT compromise you would recommend.

1. he doesn't mind that she talks

2. he minds when she getss too trashy

3. he minds when she insults him

What would you suggest that he has not yet aready tried?
He has spoken to her about this.
That didn't work.
Then he tried the hand over mouth and the pushing thing - which was NOT the advice he was given.
That didn't work.

So TELL him WHAT to do next.

BTW they DID call it quits. He got tired of being called a pussy.

"lose themselves in eachother". Wow! How long have you been married?

[QUOTE=Newwife;252447]I am not having any problem understanding your dilemma or that you are "insulted" by what she is saying. What I am trying to get across is that when you and your gf are enjoying sex, you both need to compromise. I think that as long as she is saying things that aren't insulting she should be able to say them as loud as she wants.

.[/QUOTE]

It appears to me that you havent understood what he is saying . He made it clear that all he wants is for her to stop with the nasty name calling.
That is why the title say's "How can I get my gf to tone down the trash talking? "
Not "How can I get my gf to STFU while I screw her?" lol

He has also had conversations with her out of the bedroom with her

So the compromise should be... her stop her foul mouth name calling of him or he walks away

[QUOTE=anaheimsk8er;252454]When did I ever say that I shoved her? I would never do that to a girl[/QUOTE]

[QUOTE=anaheimsk8er;252317]
She glared at me and told me that I was a fucking pussy. I got mad and pushed down on her legs pretty hard just for a sec which made her pissed. Now I really think that was the last time we'll ever have sex...[/QUOTE]

It's ok dude .. she has taken the above statement and dramatised it a little:D

I think that you are all missing my point, but it's ok. I continually try to explain what I am trying to say, but I am obviously not making any sense, or no one else is open to another opinion besides their own.

Anyway, good luck with everything.

I have been married for 4 years btw.

[QUOTE=anaheimsk8er;252457]I know, I'm just saying...but to respond to the earlier comment: no, I never tried insulting her or trash talking. I'm a pretty quiet and shy person by nature, so I never really tried it.[/QUOTE]

Well give it a go .. Or some loud music with headphones on:D

I am Curious to know the age of this girl

And I have been married for more than 30 years - to the same wonderful man. You will modify your sexual practices...all in good time, of course, but it won't be via compromise. Desires change. Hormones change. Someone blows out a knee (both of us), someone's back goes out (him) - circumstances beyond anyone's control will force the change. Especially when the kids start noticing what you're doing. There won't be any compromises either. Maybe this year you take. Maybe next year you give.

We got what you were saying but it just didn't apply to this situation.

[QUOTE=anaheimsk8er;252806]Well we're back together, and just had makeup sex last night. She screamed and screamed and screamed, but didn't do much trash talking with the exception of a few "fuck me's" and "harder you fucking pussy". Ahhh, it was so great staring at her through her legs, knees pressed up against her shoulders, feet touching the bed and headboard behind heer. She even let me lean down and kiss her, but we could only hold it for a little bit cause she got a bad cramp in her abdomen, so it ended with her moaning in pain. Oh well, at least she's not trash talking as much.[/QUOTE]

Well hopefully she realizes she can have a good time without the talking smack, and hopefully it stays that way. Good luck to you both! :D

I was going to say, this is the opportune time time to 'accidentally' put it in the wrong hole...either that flip her around to doggy and bury her head in a pillow...kiddingg!!!!

But seriously, I wish my girlfriend would talk dirty. I think it would motivate me more to really give it to her.

> I wish my girlfriend would talk dirty. I think it would motivate me more to really give it to her.

Everything in moderation.

It's too bad that life has to have so much "trash" that needs to be cleaned up.

-doc

"I think it would motivate me more to really give it to her."

The idea that "sex is dirty" or "a battle" or that sexual motivation must needs be "trash" is repugnant.

Come to me in joy and with delight or stay home!