For a little while now I've really wanted to ask my boyfriend if he'd be interested in anal play for him. We're very open about the topic of sex, and we normally have no problem voicing what we want from each other. However, I'm kind of nervous about his reaction.
Has anyone ever discussed this with their partner? If so, how did you both go about doing it?
One night he sent me a good night message and I replied "I am fantazising how you're f***ing my a**". Believe me, then he didn't stop writing messages and next time we met we had anal sex. We talked more about it afterwards, he was somehow very unsure I could possible like it and not do it just for him (I guess previous gfs were always refusing it).
Another possible way would be reading a sexy story for him which involves anal sex and ask him what he thinks afterwards.
As noted in my Sticky post on the subject, just let your finger slip down to his anus when he is very highly aroused. You can tap and finger the outside using a dry and/or wet finger in the early stages, and a wet finger later.
Because fingering the anus, outside, inside along the sphincters, as well as the prostate, all boost the intensity of whatever else you are doing to caress him, it is best if you hold off fingering it until he is really turned on.
You do not have to go inside as the outside is richly endowed with sensitive nerve endings. The passageway alongside the sphincters is also extremely sensitive. Just be sure to spread plenty of lube around the passageway from your finger. If you think you are using enough, use more!
Anal play should not be uncomfortable if done correctly. Please read this:
This is also an excellent tutorial for people interested in and concerned about the how-to of Anal play.
:D My boyfriend and I are just fine with the idea of anal sex.
Thanks, Dancingdoc for pointing me in that direction.
However, I'm wondering more how I can ask him. Should I just throw it out there, or should I be discreet and just slip a finger down there and watch his reaction?
Personally, I'd much rather discuss it with him prior, simply to avoid the twitch of discomfort and then have it end up being a mood killer.
With that said... should I stop worrying about his reaction so much and just ask him?
You could ask him.
Don't just stick a finger in there tho.
Like maybe when you are giving him a BJ let your hand roam to his sack...massage there a little...then inch your way down.... if he's doing ok...the just rub the hole...don't insert anything tho.
Just see how he reacts and then maybe can move forward...or at least next time ask him how he liked just the rubbing and if he'd be open to more?
Ive always been the type to make plans before I do them. If your the same, I suggest you first talk with him.
I myself have been interested in anal play (male) for a while. I love it and think every guy out there would love it if they are not closed minded. When you bring it up to him, let him know a few things.
1. Your interested in anal play for him.
2. It would turn you on, seeing as you have been thinking about it.
3. It doesnt hurt, infact when done right it feels great if relaxed.
If he says he will give it a try then give it a try, but have a plan. Tell him to let you know if it hurts, if he says it does, stop that instant. Wait a bit until he says ok then continue. Sometimes durring anal play if a person tenses up, or if they are not ready for something of a particular size, a sharp stinging sensation will occure in their anus, which does not feel good. It usualy lasts for about 10 seconds or so but subsides. After a bit it feels normal. It happens, but you can get past it by following the rules that Doc posted. So have a safty word at least. Then ask him how he wants do do it, laying down on his stomach? On his back? Across your lap like a bad boy?:cool: (i suggest for the first time on the back with you between his legs). Then make a plan to have him lay that way. Tell him you will explain what you are doing durring the process.
Once you lay him down, have him spread his legs and you lube up your finger. CUT YOUR NAILS. :p Rub the outside of his anus with your finger for a bit while talking to him softly. Ask him how he feels. If he responds in a positive manner continue on, if negative tell him to try to relax some then continue to rub lightly. Once he is ready to continue, while rubbing his anus tell him you are going to slowly slip your finger barely inside. When he nods, do so, VERY SLOWLY. (remember make sure you have plenty of lube) Dont go deep yet, just go barely past the O ring. Then slowly pull your finger out and continue to rub. Ask him how he feels agian. If he respons negative, ask what you can do to make it better and if he wants to continue. If its positive, do it agian after telling him your about to insert agian. This time go about an inch to an inch and a half in. Leave your finger there for about 5 seconds, not moving. Then slowly pull it out. (durring all this if he says stop pull it out asap) Ask him how hes doing. If positive do it another time just past the second nuckel and leave it in for about 10 seconds. While its in ask him how he feels. If he says its ok, then with your palm up, move the tip of your finger upwards towards his penis (if he is on his back) very lightly and slowly. Ask him how it feels. If you are in deep enough (which is about 2-3 inches) you should be hitting his prostate very lightly. Continue this process untill he is comfterable with one finger inside of him, moving arround and being there for some time.
Repeat the process with two fingers, be very careful because 2 and 3 fingers start to get harder. Do the same thing though. I suggest for a first timer, unless he says otherwise, only go up to 2 fingers. Make that your goal for the night.
If you feel like it, go past 2 otherwise leave it for the next session.
In time you should be able to get 3 fingers in comfterably if thats what he wants. There are a few different reasons to want anal play:
1. Prostate stimulation. This really only takes one good finger if you do it right. For some, they stop here with only one finger and they are set for anal. Also a small vibrator for the prostate would be a good idea.
2. Depth. Some like to feel something inside them deep. For this you might move on to a skinny toy.
3. Fullness. Some like to feel full. These tend to keep going till 3-5 fingers and use dildos and butt plugs.
Figure out what he likes about it, and it can be a combanation of the 3. Whatever he seems to like, work on it more. If he likes depth, work on depth, if he likes fullness, add more fingers. In time you two will know exactly what type of anal animal he is (if at all).
Also, I highly suggest for his comfort you suggest a few things to him AFTER he says hes ok with anal preformed on him.
1. Relax.
2. Be clean. I suggest a full bowel movement 2 hours before anal play, and OR a enema 15 min before. Yes, this part of the conversation is wierd, but if there is fecal matter in the anus durring anal play it usual causes a scratching/burning sensation, not to mention it gets everything dirty. Have him clean out before so he can have as good of an expierence as possible.
GL to yaall, im envious of such a GF!!!! :rolleyes: