I say tell her what you like, want and need. Sex is not for the shy. If you want her to do something besides simply sucking you during fellatio just tell her, she will probably comply. If you don't express your needs she will continue to think that things are just dandy. Personally I think hands do not belong on the penis during fellation, except to hold it steady for the mouth. You might have seen women in porn movies vigorously stroking a penis in the middle of what should be a BJ scene. Much of what looks cool in porn flicks is not so cool in real life.

The best approach would be direct but not begging of becomming demanding and leave the discision up to her. Not all women enjoy giving BJ's to completion as I am one, I simply don't do them. He's got too hands and if he wants release and satisfaction, he can handle that himself. If however he wants a mutual sexual encounter with me as his partner, then he accepts oral stimulation as foreplay only and we enjoy intercourse which is pleasing and mutually satifing to both partners. If she doesn't mind doing it, she'll comply with your request but don't be surprised if she thinks your request is selfish especially if you don't address her needs and offer her something to satisfy her too.

Some women cansider oral sex as part of their regular bag of tricks; some do it because the guy likes it so much; some will not; and, some would not cnsider taking a penis into their mouths. Some change over time and some do not. We each have limits and this may be hers.

Get some non-lubricated poly condoms and ask her to complete the process that way. Then talk it out.

It's been said but you'll have to communicate and tell her what she wants. Approach it by saying.....I really like it when you did that part or.......why don't you try it this way......

Additional thought:

If she places a thumb on the bottom base of your penis with a bit of pressure, she will be able to feel the ejaculate as it moves into the urethra. She can then take you out of her mouth and keep stroking gently with her hand.

She has to be quick! It is only an instant from the time she will it until it is coming out the end. When I am not in the mood for a mouthful, this works well.

Hey Lisa, not to be a jerk or anything but would you feel that way if the situation was reversed? I go down on my wife all the time, literally probably 98% of the time we have sex. When I don't it's usually because she wants to just have sex. If she's gone down on me 20 times in the nearly 3 years we've been together I'd be shocked! As for coming in her mouth...not a chance. Are you suggesting I say "no, I'm sorry but you have to hands and you can please yourself. Call me when you're done and I'll stick my dick in you"? That's kind of what I hear you saying and I don't see that going well.

No mattc I'm not saying that at all being oral sex is the only way many women can either become aroused enough or even have an orgasm. On the otherhand, I've never needed oral stimulation to become adaquately aroused or to have an orgasm. I really enjoy orally stimulating my husband during foreplay more than I like receiving it myself and would be perfectly happy not to have the oral reciprocated on me. So if the situation was reversed, at least for me, it would be no problem and we'd have more time to spend doing other things that are allot more enjoyable than oral sex ( at least to me it's not all it's cracked up to be).

I agree with dlb - sex is not for the shy - but tact is appreciated. Therefore, saying "honey, I'd really appreciate it you would do x, y, and z when you're going down on me." is the acceptable formula. It is a REQUEST, not a DEMAND.

You also have more to discuss than this. Both of your attitudes towards sex have to be addressed. If you are going to indulge in adult play, you have to be adult about it.

Lisa, it's not the same. You're saying you're more than willing to give it but don't care if you receive it. I'm saying I'm more than happy to give it, would absolutely love to receive it, but my wife wont' give it. If I were to stop giving it I think she'd be upset/angry/hurt, but I asked her once for oral. That was the first and last time I'll ever ask. She looked at me like I asked her to have sex with a horse or something.

I've since made it known more than once that I'd appreciate it from time to time. She nods along as though to say "ok, I'll give in from time to time" but I know in her head it's more like "that ain't going to happen any time soon". Which sucks for me, no pun intended.

Maybe I just have a chip on my shoulder, but I sure seem to see a lot of posts on this and other boards that suggest a man should just be glad he gets anything at all from a women but we need to work hard to please the women. I don't think it's fair. I work hard, very hard, at pleasing my wife. Sexually, emotionally, financially,and so on. I tell her she's beautiful, which she is. I tell her I love her, which I do. I read about new positions or tricks to make her orgasm that much better. For what? To be lucky that I get to have sex with her? Yet another double standard in society as far as I'm concerned.

But maybe I'm just jaded and bitter, I don't know.

Matt - maybe you are jaded and bitter - you do have a point, btw - but ya know, life isn't exactly fair and you don't have to take it out on us. After all we're not asking you to beg - I would but that's just me being all domme - for oral sex.

Have you tried The Program, see Married & Long Term, on your wife?

You're right EEK, it's not fair. My situation or that I take it out on any of you. And I won't beg, not for pride. I just know how repulsed she is by it, if she's not willing to sacrifice to please me then I just need to come to grips with that.

Sorry to be so bitchy.

Once again, prostitutes report the number service requested is oral - from married men. One wrote a book in which she said if wives did not think they had golden throats, she would be out of business! You must not be alone.

I do not understand an absolute unwillingness to perform oral. But then, many think I am update because I will not do anal.

My wife has always given oral, but we are young (under 30). I expect it to decrease as we age, which has always dumbfounded me. If women really wanted power over their husbands it would be so so easy....

I wish there was something I could do that would grant me that much power.

I feel your pain though. You aren't taking it out on us, the internet is a safe place to vent (as I see it). If it really bothers her that much there probably isn't much you can do. I have tried to breach the boundaries with my wife and have been unsuccessful thusfar, but I am not giving up, I will report if I have any success.

I don't do anal either but operating on the fair is fair principle as I do, the men understand. They don't want me doing anal on them.

Oral sex however is great!

Difficult? Not in my experience. Once one has a meeting of the minds, the meeting of the bodies and the desires is easy, simple, and FUN!

It's that meeting of the minds that gets most.

We've talked about it. She wasn't raped or anything like that but she did have a bad experience, or maybe multiple bad experiences. I guess when she has let someone come in her mouth her gag reflex kicked in and she vomited. Apparently it happened more than once. I understand her reluctance, but I've read of at least 3 things to do to help control that. I haven't asked if she's looked into it, but I can almost guarantee she hasn't.

A few weeks ago she claimed she didn't mind giving me head, it was the coming that was a problem. I don't think I laughed at her but I sure wanted to. If it's not a problem why won't she ever do it? IF it's not a problem, why did she look like I asked her to cut off her own hand when I asked her to go down on me? That was the last time I'll ever ask. I've told her multiple times that I'd like it, that I'd appreciate it, but that I wouldn't ask. She knows I want it. She chooses not to do it.

As for me going down on her, I do enjoy it. But I am beginning to resent it and resent her for doing it. That isn't good for the relationship. Her choosing to ignore what I want isn't either. I've come to realize I'm focusing on this because it's easy to point out. The truth is we have other issues in our sex life that need to be addressed. And I have issues I need addressed that stem from this relationship. I'm looking for a therapist as we speak, I have a feeling it's going to lead to us going to counseling together which is probably a good thing.

Until then, well I don't know what I'll do. Maybe the next time she says "it would feel really good if you go down on me" I'll just say, yeah I'm sure it would but I'm not in the mood. I'll probably end up jacking off instead of having sex with her but oh well. Then again given the craziness of our lives the past few weeks and the mutual fatigue I'll probably be jacking off anyway so what's the difference?

So let me ask the women who seem to be willing to go down, would you find it unfair or unreasonable for me to withhold it from her? I don't see this helping my sex life any, but I'm trying to get a/some womens perspective.

While it is a bt tit for tat, if you feel you must do so to make it clear to her, then you should do it.

Power-ups to the people!!!! :D

In all honesty, sex between men and women is a difficult thing. Many women won't do xyz sex act because it's "degrading".... WTF does that mean in a marital relationship? If he treats you like gold every day, the mere fact that his goo splashes across your forehead means you're his drugged up, filthy (and I mean literal filth like dirt, grime and used condoms filthy, not the colloquial "filthy" applied to "non normative" sex acts), streetwalker? How does that compute?

Swallowing your husband's ejaculate is a problem now too... WHy? He swallows your juice, what's wrong with his?

Of course, I have the other problem where my girlfriend wants me to fire my goo all over her but I can't deliver, but it's testament to the fact that problems come in all shapes and sizes... Sigh...

[QUOTE=mattc;234417]So let me ask the women who seem to be willing to go down, would you find it unfair or unreasonable for me to withhold it from her? I don't see this helping my sex life any, but I'm trying to get a/some womens perspective.[/QUOTE]

I think that if you were to just withhold it as your first resort solution that would be a bit immature. I would say talk to her about it first and then depending on her reasons for not giving, it may be a very fair solution. If she won't do it because she for instance was raped and forced to give head..well thats one thing and its probably unfair to put pressure on her to give oral if she is uncomfortable with it. Also it depends on how you yourself feel about giving oral..its a double edged sword if giving it is something you enjoy nearly as much as she does, as some men do. If its something you do more so for her pleasure, then it is completely fair to withhold it until she gets the picture and gives as good as she gets.

My experience has been that most women will give you some oral stimulation yet only a very few will "suck you to completion." Once they have decided that they don't want semen in their mouths there is probably very little at best that you can do to change their minds.

Witholding any sort of sex from your partner in hopes that it will change anything has probably not had a very high success rate since since Aristophanes' time. Bonus points for the first one who makes the connection there:p

I am a man. I understand that you want to be able to ejaculate in her mouth and that you want her to tell you that she enjoys it. You want to see her eat creamy and gooey things in front of you and do sexy things, teasing you with the way she is going to gobble your goo the next time she goes down on you. Most of us guys want that. If you get ONE of those in your life you are very lucky. Two and you are legend and three or more is almost mythical. Porn stars don't count hehe. Personally I don't need her to swallow it-she can just let it dribble out the side of her mouth and I get a bigger nasty thrill.

You might have to compromise. What is more important to you-that she take your semen in her mouth or that she continue stimulating you with her mouth until your orgasm subsides? Maybe, if she is willing to perform fellatio without getting semen in her mouth, you could ask her to continue to lick and gently suck the underside of your penis ( or wherever the most sensitive part is) as you are cumming. That way you get stimulation to the end and she doesn't get semen in her mouth.