Moved away from home, gone off my gf

[UK.Student.20]

So I moved away from home to study. Obviously started masturbating to make up for no sex, only I tried gay porn and liked it, ever since I have not been attracted to girls only guys and I was home the other week was having foreplay with the gf and could not keep it hard, when I got it inside her would I manage to keep it going because of the feeling

And why dont I get turned on by girls any more :S

[jessica roy]

I think its all in your head. You saw male porn got hot by it maybe got abit freaked out. Now your freaking yourself out worse and worse. Remember sex is atleast 90% in your head. Your emotional and mental controll over your body. If your mind is messed up or confused your body will react in kind. I would say give it some time, and maybe further explore this developed interest in men. It may be nothing more then a way to cope over missing your GF. (Finding a new atraction to mentaly stave off cheating.) Or it could be areal urge developing. How old are you by the way? and have you been with many girls?

[dancingdoc2]

It's been said (by me) that erections come and erections go. When you were home and making out with your girlfriend, how much time did you devote to making out, and, foreplay? Second question: when your erection began to subside, did either of you attempt to rebuild it, or, did you just permit it to be in whatever degree of hardness it was when you entered?

[UK.Student.20]

I am 20 and been with about 4 girls but has sex with 1
I dont want to be gay but if I am now should I start meeting guys

we spent about 30 mins which is normal for us

Yes we tried but nothing happened, just put it down to being tired

Thank you Dr and Jessica

[dancingdoc2]

If I were to hazard a guess, I'd say this is more mind than physical. Why not abstain for several days before masturbating, again? Also, stop viewing the porn and involve your vivid imagination in place of the videos.

I do not know how long you can abstain because we are all "wired" differently. Certainly you can stop masturbating for two days; three will likely be much more difficult; four or perhaps even five will likely be the most difficult challenge you have ever undertaken. Challenge yourself to discover just how long you can hold out before uncontrollably giving in and ending your stress. If you are honest with yourself about not giving in until you absolutely cannot prevent it, then be happy with however long you do last. One trick for lasting even longer than you think possible is when you find yourself about to give in, make a conscious decision to hold off, still, yet. Who knows, you may be able to make it several more hours or even another day. Of course you will eventually reach a time when you just cannot prevent yourself from taking matters into your own hands, so to speak.

Your goal is to learn whether abstaining quiets the nerves in your penis and rejuvenates them; whether a strong hard erection is possible after abstaining for several days. When you do masturbate, again, use your imagination in order to create an erotic script, somewhat like writing a play and then becoming an actor within it. You can dream up anything from involving your girlfriend, a person in general and nobody specific, to just talking to yourself about you and what you are doing in the moment.

The goal of this exercise is two-fold; first, to calm your nerves and your mind; second, to learn if masturbating less will improve your erections.

> I dont want to be gay but if I am now should I start meeting guys

I wouldn't worry about this too much. It is not at all unusual for a teenager and person in their twenties to explore their sexuality. You may simply be bi-curious.

How do you define being "Gay"? "Straight?" "Bi-?"

You may in fact have been tired. What script was playing in your head while the two of you were fooling around?

You did not answer the question about whether or not either of you tried to rebuild your erection when it began going soft.

Are you sexually attracted to this girl? Do you get erections when around another girl? Guys? The point of these questions is that if you are not (now) sexually attracted to her with "sparks" and pheromones flying between you, then the likelihood of having and maintaining a spontaneous erection is problematical. Could it be that as much as you like this person, you are simply not that into her? If you analyze this and say "yes" then she is not the partner for you.

Are you Gay? Unless and until you learn whether or not you can become sexually attracted to a guy--no. Unless and until you learn whether or not you are no longer sexually turned on by any woman, then, most probably you are. If you find yourself attracted to people of both genders then you are most likely bi-sexual.