Bi-sexual and confused

[raunchy gal]

I'm a 44 yr old bi-sexual woman,who has never had sexual relations with a woman, but really wants to in order to satisfy my curiosity,and search within myself.I have slept with a woman but there was no sexual contact at all.It was an experiment i did with a lesbian friend to see if my feelings for another woman were real.They were but this other woman wasn't interested in a relationship with me.

I guess that i am finally coming out with this revelation.Very few people know this about me.I have had several crushes on women over the years and am attracted to athletic,sporty types,even though i don't play sport.I have a fetish for strong muscular thighs in both males and females.I have always tried to deny my feelings for other women,and when i find myself admiring womens bodies i feel guilty and turn away.I've even noticed how attractive my daughter has become lately ,although this is more a mothers pride in her offspring rather than a sexual attraction.

I didn't start dating till i was 20 and it was with a male.I have never dated a female.I lost my virginity at the age of 23 and i realised that i really enjoyed being with a male in a sexual way.I've been married 17 yrs yet separated for 10.I now want a divorce.I've put my feelings on hold for women for many years,and i guess this ir where my confusion comes into play.Now that i am wanting to become a better stronger person,and seek out who i really am,i want to explore my feelings for other women in more depth.But i don't know where to start.I have joined a social group on a website for bi and lesbian women,and have already made several friends.But i don't know how to begin asking questions or where to meet women who might be interested in a sexual encounter with me.I have had a disagreement with my lesbian friend,so i can't ask her.I am afraid that my friends and family will ostracise me for being bi - sexual.Any advice would be most appreciated. Thanks RG

[RedRoses]

RG, maybe you should try and see deeper into these feelings. The feelings you have towards your daughter are definitely mothers-pride and drawn from fascination with how children grow up beautifully. So don't get confused about that. I'm no mother, but when I see the kids I once babysat; I look admirably at how they've become such pretty little ladies!

This could be the same with women. But there's absolutely no shame in finding out whether it is simple admiration for the beauty of the female body or sexual attraction. You are a grown woman. You are in control of your life! No-one else (family,etc) can forbid you. So why not find out? Perhaps there's a local cafe/bar/club for gays/bi's around where you live? That would be an opportunity...

Also: lesbian/bi-people are to be found anywhere! I've actually been hit on by females in the train, bus, gym (and the sauna, but I feel this is a very inappropriate place!). And what they did would be just having a nice friendly (girl-)talk and at a certain point I'd get that same feeling as when a guy is hitting on me. Eyes going up and down my body, compliments on how good and beautiful I look, sometimes making ambiguous remarks, asking for my phonenumber, asking me on a date, etc (too bad for them I wasn't interested and kindly declined as I did with any men as well). Point is that there is not much difference from the way you'd meet straight people. Just the odds that there seem to be a bit more straight than bi/homosexuals out there. But than again; if you'd be looking for a straight guy, you'd also have to find out whether you're attracted to eachother. And just like with dating men, please be clear to eachother on what your purpose is to prevent disappointment (being in love is something else then sex for sex sake and it would be a shame if the other feels toyed with).

[raunchy gal]

Thank you RedRoses,i will look into those suggestions,and yes i will be very careful.I am learning from my past mistakes.

[Brandye]

Too bad that you and your lesbian friend had a falling out. Where and with whom did she hangout? How did you meet her and discover that she was lesbian? Starting points.

I can assure you that in your circle of friends there are women who are at least as bi-curious as you. Some girl talk expressing your frustration with men should get the talk going in the proper direction. Then look for the non-verbal signals you have used all your life - eye contact, slight touching. And, do not fear being turned down. Women are much more circumspect in their gossip than men when it comes to actual behaviour.

[raunchy gal]

Brandye,i really appreciate your input in this,and i will follow your advice.I don't have many female friends,and my lesbian friend and i met through our sons who were friends but are not anymore.When i slept with her,to see if i had feelings for another woman that i was attracted to,she made it clear that she wasn't attracted to me sexually,and she also has a live in girlfriend,so i fully respected that and didn't try anything on.We are no longer on speaking terms due to our disagreement.I will try to find out if there are any places where lesbian and bi-sexual woman can meet to make friends and form casual relationships with each other.

[goinsouth]

Going to be a lot of broken hearted men in your area Im sure Raunchy....

[Aphrodite_66]

Well i do still like men,but i just feel that i need to explore this other side to me,so i can understand myself better.Oh and i am raunchy gal

[jessica roy]

i know the feelings your going thru I came out at a much younger age but I faced a great deal of issues and I know the fear of loosing familly and friends many friends did turn away from me when I needed there support the most but I was lucky I learned who the real friends were and my familly stood by me

the main sugestion I would give with your familly is paitience....this is a huge step in your life but its a huge shock for them as well it is alot for them to take in and accept its hard to expect instance acceptance from them they will resist they will have questions partly because of your age and why only now you want to come out dont try and force them to accept you or cram it down there throats and dont get mad if they need a little time to work it out if there a good familly they will come around it just may take abit of time

I found one good way to tell some people is in a letter detailing what you feel why you feel this way how long you felt this way (simular to your post here) give it to the important familly let them read it alone this will give them time to deal with the instant shock and possible anger in there own minds and let them come to terms before sitting down and talking to you people say things in the heat of a moment they can regret for years latter this will help a great deal to stop those hurtfull comments that may never fully fade away but above all else YOU must be ok with this you must be firm strong and commited dont back down dont compromise who you are nothing your feeling is wrong and alittle support cant hurt tell one familly member your sure will support you first

[dancingdoc2]

Hello Jessica,

The exchange of information and ideas is the site's charter. Please help us by punctuating your posts. The above comments contain three paragraphs and three run-on sentences. It is extremely difficult to read what you have to convey. I for one request that in the future you capitalize sentences and place commas, periods, and, other punctuation, where appropriate. If you will take a few extra moments to organize thoughts, spell words correctly, and then punctuate your text accordingly, I believe the information you wish to convey will be easier to understand, and, better received. This is especially true for members of our community around the world for whom English is a second or third language.

-doc

[raunchy gal]

I do get what you are saying doc.I myself am a grammar nazi,but i can perfectly understand the message that jessica roy is trying to convey in her post.By the way thank you jessica for your comments.