Help...

[tyson2931]

Hello.

I'm currently dating an asexual who is beginning to turn gay. We've been dating for 3 months and he's told me he wants to have sex.

The problem is he wants me to help him and to, in his own words, "Position" him through it. I have no idea what to do...

The fact that he is an asexual, being that he is a virgin, has never seen porn, masturbated or even had any sexual feelings until he began dating me makes me feel nervous, I don't want to hurt him or make him feel uncomfortable. If anyone has any tips I would greatly appreciate it

[dancingdoc2]

Originally Posted by tyson2931

I'm currently dating an asexual who is beginning to turn gay. We've been dating for 3 months and he's told me he wants to have sex.

Hello. Are you male or female? (Your screen name sounds masculine.)

By being "asexual" and a virgin, that your friend has up to this time had no interest in sex, and is beginning to define himself as "Gay", means he has much catching up to do--mainly with and for himself. What most boys learn between twelve/thirteen, and fifteen, he has to now do. The term also can mean that a person has no clearly defined sexual orientation. I gather that he is leaning toward being homosexual and not Bi-curious, correct?

Please add some clarification about this so that we may better help give you some answers.

The problem is he wants me to help him and to, in his own words, "Position" him through it. I have no idea what to do...

Communication and feedback are two primary keys to having a good relationship, sexual and otherwise. I presume he wants anal intercourse, correct? Ask him what he specifically wants. For example, many male sexual experiences have one partner as dominant, one passive, as well as one "top" and one "bottom". (Personally, I think this sole behavior is very restrictive and lacks spice and variety, but so be it. Why can't partners share being on top and bottom?)

In order to "position him through it" you have to know if he wants to insert his penis or receive a penis. Regardless, please read this article for more information:

"Playing Ball" and How To Tips for Prostate Massage
This is also an excellent tutorial for people interested in and concerned about the how-to of Anal stimulation as well as play.

The fact that he is an asexual, being that he is a virgin, has never seen porn, masturbated or even had any sexual feelings until he began dating me makes me feel nervous, I don't want to hurt him or make him feel uncomfortable. If anyone has any tips I would greatly appreciate it

How much sex drive does your friend exhibit day to day? From what you indicate, my guess is that he has a very low drive and libido, thus little or no interest in sex.

That he has never masturbated means that as far as you are concerned, he needs to learn--just like any other young teen who is going thru puberty.

Encourage him to explore and learn on his own. If he hasn't a clue, then you can consider demonstrating and/or helping him thru the process. Explain the mechanical process as well as what to expect physically and emotionally.

Before any sort of a meaningful experience can happen, your friend has to become "orgasmic", connecting the sensitive nerve endings in his penis and scrotum and elsewhere with the pleasure center of the brain along the autonomic nervous system. This takes practice and exploration. You can help, although, you cannot do this for him. Unless and until he can masturbate and enjoy ejaculations regularly and consistently there is no real point of going further--except for acquiring general knowledge.

Here is some reading material for the two of you--particularly your friend, in no particular order:

How Do I Get Him/Her to Orgasm From a Hand/Blow Job?

Male / Female Sexual Behavior--If I like certain things does this mean I'm Gay?


My boyfriend doesn't turn me on enough, help?

Boys and Masturbation / Got questions?

It should not take him long to figure out how to masturbate; what will probably take a little longer is developing a technique that is unique to him. (Even though we all do it basically the same way, each person has some uniqueness and individuality that quickly becomes habit. When the time comes he must then show you what works so that you can mimic his movements and pressures should you want to pleasure him.) Be patient and give him whatever time is required for this stage of his development.

If your friend thinks he eventually wants to engage in anal intercourse then the two of you need a heart to heard discussion about this. (If you are male} Do you want to insert your penis, and/or do you want to be on the receiving end? DO YOU EVEN WANT EITHER OF THESE TO HAPPEN? Some individuals (particularly in a hetero relationship) do not want a penis inside. Fingers and dildos are another matter and are OK.

My recommendation is to encourage him to learn to masturbate, first and foremost, otherwise what is the point of going further? Next, after he can and does so regularly and consistently, ask him to show you how so you can learn to mimic what he does. Third, learn how to fool around and make out. This is extremely important, because he must learn to get in touch with his body and appreciate the sensations he experiences when touched and caressed. He must also learn how to become aroused and excited and how to build sexual tension to the brink of an orgasm. All these will take time, so be patient and work with him as he learns.

I hope this is of help. Got questions? Please feel free to ask. In the meantime please familiarize yourself with the FAQs, the Posting Guidelines section, and especially the Index, all found at the top of the main screen. The Index contains links to helpful informative insightful, as well as how-to articles (like those above) that discuss the most common questions and concerns people ask about. In addition, if you click on the site's Home Page you will find even more information.

[Brandye]

An "asexual turning gay." That would be an inactive homosexual. If you are a woman and his first sexual feelings were for you, then the proposition makes no sense. If you are a straight male, you would not be dating him. If you are a homosexual male, do your thing.

Mostly, when asking a question give enough info that a response can be made.