What is happening to me?

RATED-RKOFRANKLIN · #1 (**permalink**) 08-18-2009, 07:53 PM

I feel extremely awful. I have done something terrible against my religion and who I want to be. I watched something awful. I did not like it but I just watched it anyway. I watched some transsexual porn and some transsexual on a web cam. I feel so disgusted by it. I wish I have never done it. I don't know if I am straight, gay, or bi. I want to be straight. I have thought about girls and still do. However I am still bothered by my actions. It is killing me inside. I don't know what to think of myself anymore.

I watched gay porn that featured two guys in it many years ago. I was disgusted by it and never watched that type of porn again.

When I watch straight porn I never notice the guys in a sexual way. I say well here is this certain guy in a scene again but nothing sexual about it. I see the women sexually. I have never thought about being with a man.

When I watched the transsexual porn I was not attracted to the guys. When I saw the transsexuals I did not see anything particular I liked. I did not like their faces, legs, asses, etc. I have watched this type of porn more than once. I have jacked off to it. I did not like it and I would never have sex with a man nor a transsexual.

When I watch straight porn I think I am the guy who is fucking the chicks. When I watch transsexual porn I don't see myself as the guy in the film. I can't picture myself sucking a penis. The thought of it turns me off. I don't want to be fucked in the ass. I don't have any fantasies for men nor transsexuals.

I watch sports a lot and play sports with my friends. I never have been turn on by men when watching sports. I watch pro wrestling a lot. Most of the wrestlers are half naked but it does not turn me on.

What is happening to me? I am gay, bi, or just lost and confused. Could I being doing this because of a porn addiction?

DVDBear · #2 (**permalink**) 08-18-2009, 09:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RATED-RKOFRANKLIN

When I watched the transsexual porn I was not attracted to the guys. When I saw the transsexuals I did not see anything particular I liked. I did not like their faces, legs, asses, etc. I have watched this type of porn more than once. I have jacked off to it. I did not like it and I would never have sex with a man nor a transsexual.

???????

Unless I'm reading that wrong that paragraph makes no sense. You saw some trans porn, didn't like what you saw, jacked off to it and have watched this type of porn more than once. Well, if you've watched this type more than once and are getting off there must be something there that arouses you. What is it?

Zr2_EQX · #3 (**permalink**) 08-18-2009, 09:10 PM

Don't fall for it DVDBear. Franklin you are just confused.

RATED-RKOFRANKLIN · #4 (**permalink**) 08-18-2009, 09:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DVDBear

???????

Unless I'm reading that wrong that paragraph makes no sense. You saw some trans porn, didn't like what you saw, jacked off to it and have watched this type of porn more than once. Well, if you've watched this type more than once and are getting off there must be something there that arouses you. What is it?

It is really hard to say. I don't find the men in these films attractive. I don't find the transsexuals attractive. I have a huge fetish for big tits if they are real or fake so I am guessing it is the big fake tits that I like and nothing else.

I discussed this with a friend on another site. She just told me not to worry about and I was only curious. However it still bothers me that I have watched this. I feel like I don't know who I truly am anymore.

nuttychick · #5 (**permalink**) 08-18-2009, 09:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RATED-RKOFRANKLIN

. I have watched this type of porn more than once. I have jacked off to it. I did not like it and I would never have sex with a man nor a transsexual.

Confused....... You have watched this type of porn a few times... you have spanked your little monkey to it...... and you are disgusted by it .... those are the FACTS???

So why keep watching it?
Maybe deep down thats what you want?
Your mind may be thinking... well I cant get a real woman...Soooo .....

DVDBear · #6 (**permalink**) 08-18-2009, 10:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RATED-RKOFRANKLIN

It is really hard to say. I don't find the men in these films attractive. I don't find the transsexuals attractive. I have a huge fetish for big tits if they are real or fake so I am guessing it is the big fake tits that I like and nothing else.

What, you went through all the straight porn in the world that has women with big tits (like that's rare in porn) and all that's left is trans porn? Nahh . . . . I mean, if you're curious about it so what? And at the risk of stating the obvious if you feel so anguished don't look at it anymore and move on.

RATED-RKOFRANKLIN · #7 (**permalink**) 08-18-2009, 10:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DVDBear

What, you went through all the straight porn in the world that has women with big tits (like that's rare in porn) and all that's left is trans porn? Nahh . . . . I mean, if you're curious about it so what? And at the risk of stating the obvious if you feel so anguished don't look at it anymore and move on.

I guess I was curious. A real women has never wanted me before so I guess I turned to this as a last resort. Like I said I love big tits so that is the only thing that could have turn me on. I did not find anything about the transsexual porn attractive nor something I wanted to do. I feel so disgusted by watching this porn.