bi?

[Cowgirl121]

i dont really have a problem with being bi...its self liberating for me...but my friends and family seem to have a problem with it...is there an easy way to soften the blow of coming out to them?
replies needed!!!! and greatly appreciated!!!

[dancingdoc2]

> i dont really have a problem with being bi...its self liberating for me...but my friends and family seem to have a problem with it.

> is there an easy way to soften the blow of coming out to them?
replies needed!!!! and greatly appreciated!!!

I'm confused: your first statement suggests that they already know. If this is the case why the second question? Or, do you mean these people have a problem with anybody being bisexual and because you are, informing them that you are can be difficult?

This topic has been discussed a few times yet I continue to wonder why the overwhelming need to inform others of your sexuality. Why is it so necessary that I/we know you are bisexual or Lesbian? Your sexuality and preference for a lover is your business alone.

Do you hear from all your heterosexual friends and relatives that they are?

I have two longtime Gay friends and at the time I met each of them as part of the introduction I was informed that "I am Gay"--or words to that effect. I don't care! It happens to be quite obvious one is, the other I wouldn't have known, nor do I particularly care, that he is.

Unless or until having a live in girlfriend with whom you are seen socializing with, I do not see a need to tell anybody. People are smart and can also conclude whether or not you are smitten with someone or she/he is just a friend tagging along. Roommates? Is it important that others know which bed or bedroom they use? When I was single, I rented a room in my house on a couple of occasions. Did I explain that I'm heterosexual and that my spare room was being rented? Guess.

[nuttychick]

Ok I am a bit confused...

You filled in the sex survey in the members poll thread, stating that your
sexual preference was "bi-Curious".....and you lost your virginity 2 months ago.

If you are just "Curious" why even tell anyone until you have actually decided which road you want to travel... By most of your answers in the poll you seem to have no experience in either bi or hetro sex...

[DVDBear]

Originally Posted by Cowgirl121

i dont really have a problem with being bi...its self liberating for me...but my friends and family seem to have a problem with it...is there an easy way to soften the blow of coming out to them?
replies needed!!!! and greatly appreciated!!!

I assume what you're saying is that you know they have a problem with the concept of bi-sexuality but don't know you are.

Your personal situation aside for a moment, I agree with Doc on one thing . . . this has been discussed (gay or bi-sexual) in other threads and the same ground keeps getting covered. I don't feel like cutting and pasting or putting links. But specifically to several of his points -

"Do you hear from all your heterosexual friends and relatives that they are?"

Heterosexuality is the NORM, therefore people ASSUME you are, therefore no reason to STATE you are. And for that matter, there is a level of "announcement" that even goes with being hetero. Should I be annoyed in social situations when a man introduces a woman as a "girlfriend" or (even more obviously "fiancee" or "wife") they're sharing information about an implied level of intimacy? Are they forcing that information down my throat? I'm neither offended or feel it's inappropriate because if they're a friend I like to know if they've got a potential special person in their lives.

"Unless or until having a live in girlfriend with whom you are seen socializing with, I do not see a need to tell anybody. People are smart and can also conclude whether or not you are smitten with someone or she/he is just a friend tagging along."

If people don't know you're gay then they will assume you are not and may or may not know there's another dynamic going on with the girl / boy you keep showing up with. They may suspect, but why should the waters be muddied like that with people close to you? I was in the closet for thirty-nine years and can tell you from personal experience people don't automatically assume something else is going on with this person you keep showing up with. They didn't with me until I told people I was in fact gay and that I was involved with this guy. And unless they lied to me (and I don't think they did) they were very relieved to know this because now they knew how to react to our relationship. And they were glad, because, as I mentioned earlier, if friends are true friends and family members are supportive they want you to be happy.

I honestly don't understand why this gets under your skin so much. If someone continually states their sexuality at every opportunity and makes themselves obnoxious about it that's a different story. That happens in both gay AND straight situations, and it's irritating no matter what the orientation. But a simple clarification, once, telling someone you're gay and this is your partner or whatever isn't some over the top social assault.

Again, it would be silly in reverse because I already have that information . . . . I assume you're straight unless you tell me otherwise.

Back to the original poster, if what Nuttychick has mentioned is correct then yes, by all means wait. Despite my comments above this isn't anything that has to be done immediately. You might want to talk to some social service organizations, gay youth councilors, and, if you're absolutely sure this is something you need to do maybe talk to PFLAG about some pointers. It's a delicate situation. You know your family and friends, and it could bring about rejection from some. You need to know the risks involved and decide if they're worth taking. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.