1st Bicurious Experience......?

[molovato08]

I recently married my husband about 8 months ago and since then I have shared my desire of wanting a bicurious encounter with a beautiful woman. Not so much for his pleasure (although he can watch) but mostly so that I can experience a woman for myself and all that comes with. But everytime I get excited about going out and meeting woman I feel this sudden pressure from my husband to hurry up and get it done already. He says he's not rushing me but he would like me to experience it cause he knows it would make me happy. Yes it would, but at the same time once I feel that pressure from him, it kind of takes all the excitement away. Part of me thinks that he's thinking if I get it over and done with, maybe next time he could join. And to be honest I really don't want that. I would just like to experience it and have him watch....what do I do? Am I weird for feeling this way about the whole situation?

[Brandye]

Most of the married women I know with a g/f on the side keep those things separate. Up to you. You made your mistake in discussing something not ready for discussion.

[dancingdoc2]

You may have failed to consider both the "Fragile Male Ego" as well as how he views his sexual relationship with you. He might not be willing, able, or ready, to separate what you do together as a demonstration of the love you have, with pure unadulterated sex for sex sake.

I believe you need to separate what you do as a couple and why, and what you may end up doing as an individual in order to satisfy a curiosity. As Brandye stated, these should be separate activities. Threesomes rarely work out and this does not much matter if all three are active or only two participants. Eventually doubt and insecurity and questions crop up and are not easily appeased.

[sarah_rsl]

You may well be bi sexual, I think the majority of people are. However monogamy is something that can support a marraige, and its a pity to throw that away for the sake of little bit of excitement.

[DVDBear]

The secret to a successful open relationship is communication, and by that I don't mean a brief one time discussion with questions not answered because of embarrassment or boundaries not set because of fear the other person won't like it. Sexual experimentation outside monogamy is an ongoing dialog with your partner and continual sounding on how you both feel about it, with the understanding that if either side doesn't like it it's done. It also has to be equal, in other words, no "I can do this activity, but I don't want you to" type stuff. Won't work. If you would enjoy something but can't be okay with your partner doing the same then don't do it.

Under those circumstances I disagree with doc and think threesomes do work . . . . they've worked in my fifteen year relationship and have worked for many couples I know. But to others who say "I don't know how you can do that . . . I would never be comfortable with it" I reply "Then don't." It isn't right for everyone, and only you know how you feel. Don't be bullied or coerced into anything that isn't in your comfort zone (which is a different thing from nervousness or anxiety from trying something new).

For starters I would diplomatically voice the concerns you've made in your post to him (the pressure, not sure if you want it to progress to a threeway, would he be okay with just watching, ect.), and then listen to what he says in return. See if there's room for compromise between your two positions (would you be okay if he said he wanted to masturbate while watching? Just an example) to a mutual ground. If not, bury the whole idea and move on.

[UtilityCurve]

Originally Posted by molovato08

I would just like to experience it and have him watch....what do I do?

It's entirely possible that his impatience is merely excitement at the prospect. I know if my wife wanted me to watch her with another woman, I'd be more than a little distracted. That's the upside.

The downside is that you have to be really careful when you dabble in constructed (as opposed to casual) exhibitionism. See, by my thinking, wanting him to watch and not participate is entirely understandable, and at the same time, entirely unreasonable. Except as a special gift to you (again, an entirely reasonable thing to ask for), asking him to confine HIS behavior to a role you have defined (100% passive, but 100% present) makes him a means to your end, not an end in himself.

I'm positive this isn't your intention; your hope, in addition to pleasing and being pleased by another woman, is to please him, I'd bet. And no doubt it would. But there's that little element of being you the director in a stage play and him being in the audience; it's not the relationship most spouses choose if they think about it.

Entirely different context, facts, etc., but it reminds me of my wife planning our wedding. She had grand plans for her nieces as flower girls, etc. I simply asked her if she had ever asked them if they would WANT to play along. She looked at me like I was from Mars (while I looked at her like she was from Venus), "knowing" full well (and no doubt correctly) that they would want to. But she had never treated them like people, as opposed to characters in her play, by asking them. That's what I mean about treating him as a means (prop) as opposed to an end (someone whose sexual gratification is as important to you as you own, though I hasten to add that this doesn't preclude it from taking a backseat now and again if yours does the same!).

We had a long talk about that, and our wedding was completely different as a result--and my wife has become very vigilant about treating people like that.

For him to want to play with the two of you too is natural. Deciding for him if he can masturbate while watching sounds waaaaaaaay more controlling than a relationship that doesn't routinely incorporate discipline role-playing ought to go. I know much of your excitement may be tied up in him being frustrated, etc., and that's okay. Just think about the (many) ways he may want to dissipate that frustration, and not just the immediate sensation, but the one that follows remembering a very hot encounter.