Coming out - how to tell girlfriends?

[chibacochoke]

i recently came out as bisexual to some male ex boyfriends of mine who i am close with. (i'm female)
They haven't really said much, but neither reaction was negative, more surprised.

I am worried about telling my girl friends. I think they will take it well, but might start to be weird about changing and showering and spending the night. I don't want that.

Anyone have advice?

[dancingdoc2]

I am heterosexual. Do you care?

What is it that is so compelling and important that a person must broadcast to the world at large or to the people in "their world" that you are Gay or Bi-? I just do not understand the driving need to share.

Even more obnoxious are the constant innuendos and sexually related references people interject into conversations. It is almost like they have a constant need to validate themselves. I wonder how it would go over if I began every post with the opening statement used here?

[chibacochoke]

i want to tell them because i love them and they deserve to know. if i don't tell them they will assume i am hetero and i would be lying to them

they are my best friends, they deserve to know who i really am. it is so liberating to admit your true self to someone you care about. that doesn't make it any less nerve-wracking.

i do not plan on telling every aquiantance i make, just my close friends and eventually family. i spoke to my sister about this who is an outspoken lesbian and i feel better.

it is strictly a need to know basis of course, but i want to be able to be myself around them without pretending that i'm not attracted to that woman over there,
do you understand?
it burns a hole inside your gut not to tell someone.

[Ducy]

Chib...look, you should never feel like you must tell them your orientation.

They should not assume you are straight. If you dont tell and they dont ask, then you never lied to them in the first place.

I know it can be nerve wracking for someone to admit to (an uncle who is gay) but its something that must just come out naturally. It cant be forced

[chibacochoke]

that's the thing, i don't feel forced or obligated, i just love them and want them to know.

[chibacochoke]

here's a great quote from DVDbear on this forum:

"If you're in a relationship with another man (or a woman with a woman) that is your life partner and would appreciate others considering this person as such I think it becomes a bit of a necessity, doesn't it? Sorry, I'm not content with leaving people with the assumption he's my "friend"; that is demeaning to our relationship, which is not just about what we do in the bedroom. Heterosexuality is considered "the norm" and people are presumed (most of the time) to be straight; declaring yourself as such would be pointless. When people meet me on a casual basis they assume I'm straight, since there's nothing that would clue them in otherwise. And if that's the extent of our contact I have no "compulsion" to declare my sexual orientation. If it's someone with whom I'm going to have a longer or close involvement it's important they know this since they will be laboring under a misconception that directly affects how they would perceive me, my relationship with my partner and many scenarios that come up in social situations."

[Brandye]

Many homosexual and bisexual people of both genders become so happy when they recognize this in themselves that they have a need to tell the world. This relief is likely more felt by pure homosexuals than by those of us who are bisexual.

There are consequences. Some bi-sexual women go through stages during which they lean one way or the other; many live their entire lives integrating the two. I have lived parts of my life as a lesbain and parts as a straight woman. Part of my life (after a traumatic death) I was asexual. Most of my life I have swung both ways, very discreetly. Think through why you have this need to tell your friends and determine what really would be different. You will likely determine that for most it is irrelevant. Forget it. For others, there is some need to know to understand you. Tell them. Broadcasting can do more harm than good.

I have never denied my bisexuality. I have never advertised it, either.

[chibacochoke]

thank you brandye. i don't intend to broadcast it, but there are people in my life who i know would be hurt if i didn't tell them, and i also want to tell them.

[Brandye]

I am in menopause. My sister is through menopause. I discovered a few months ago that she really was offended by my bisexuality. It has been thirty-five years since I first had sex - first, with a boy; a few months later, with a girl. She was aware all that time and it has taken this long to start healing our relationship.

[Thresher_V]

I've experimented with both sides. Though I don't classify myself as anything, I can understand the need to tell others. It's almost like a release, most of society drills it into us that the ideal is man and woman. So it almost makes you feel wrong and like your trying to hide something. By telling those you're closest too, you can finally be free from having to hide. The fewer barriers we have between us, the closer and perhaps stronger our relationship.

Just my thoughts anyway, I don't exactly broadcast my sexual adventures to others, but the ones I do it's....interesting.