Coming out - how to tell girlfriends?

[chibacochoke]

that's alright ducy, i'm new at this and still pretty sensitive about it i guess.
i've told about 5 people, and all of them have congratulated me on having courage, and all of them told me they love me just the same.
it makes me proud of who i am.
it makes me want others to know, although i am still wary about the shouting it from the rooftops effect.
but i figure, the more people know about the easier it will be to meet other people like me.
i've never met an openly bisexual woman or lesbian woman in my age rage besides my sister and her ex-girlfriends. where i live is a small conservative town, in fact my english prof once said "there are roughly 10 democrats in the county" as a joke.
it's tough to meet people here man!

[sera300]

Chib;

Given the fact you are in such a conservative town, I would only tell those who have a need to know. People who are that conservative may in fact not heed your new findings open minded. Additionally, with people who have the mentality of conservative upbringings may reject your feelings. As far as your sister being a lesbian, there is a question most may assume you are as well.

I fear people with "little minds" may alienate you to a degree whereas where I am in NY, it's thought nothing of. You have to ask your self what is the gain from telling others and what is the fallout which you may suffer from doing so. Give it time, people may draw their own assumptions if you are dating a woman without you having to say a word. If you wish for real advice, join a national or state organization such as NOW (National Organization of Women).

With all due respect, here in NY, very few would thing twice about your choice. As a straight woman, I could not care less if my friends are gay/bi but it does not mean in small towns other may share the same sentiment. A persons sexuality has no effect on my feelings on their friendship since I understand and accept theirs as they accept mine. I do not attempt or reject their lifestyle [or try to convert them] and they do the same for me. If anything they have shown me the other side of life which was not something I ever knew of. I despise people who are intolerant & close minded--yes, I have also been a Republican & Catholic for years. Yet I do believe people have individual choice of how to lead their own lives without politics or religion entering into defining their beliefs/feelings.

All in all, give it a chance & in time you will find who are your true friends through acceptance--it will become self apparent to those who surround you.

[chibacochoke]

i feel terrible. there is a guy who i was kind of with and another guy who i met at a party and they both have told me they like me.
i want to tell them that i'm not really looking for anything right now because i'm trying to find my way around the new openly bisexual me.
but there hasn't been a natural way to tell some of my other friends yet, it would be weird if these guys knew and my friends didn't.
but they think my explanation of "i have something i need to work out but i'm not ready to talk about it yet" is lame.
i know i shouldn't worry about it but i hate not being able to explain myself.
i like to be able to say exactly how, why, when, and how.

my question is should i tell my friends first, the guys first, or just ignore the situation altogether?(though that would make me feel guilty, like i do now)

[Ducy]

If the guys think your "I need to work something out but not ready to talk" is lame, then drop them. If they dont respect you enough to believe or not to think that is lame, you dont need them

[oedipussy]

The only thing you need to tell these guys is that you're not interested in a serious relationship at this time. It has more to do with wanting to be free than your sexuality...

If you really feel that you have to: Tell your close friends first. With the guys, drop it into a casual conversation. I don't know what it's like in "small coservative towns", but here in the big city no one would even bat an eye over something like this. And I'm pretty sure that people in your age range will mostly find this very normal and acceptable, regardless of where you live. Stop stressing about it.

[stormyxoasis]

chibacochoke: i ubderstand completely about wanting to tell those you care about that you are bisexual. I am almost 23 yrs old (female) and i dont hide it at all. Even with people i first meet. If the subjsct come up, i will tell them.

But it wasnt always like that. I went to a conservative christain highschool, and didnt come out till i graduated. like you it was guy friends and x boyfriends first. Then girls found out through the grapevine. whoever said there are consequences were right ive lost a couple of girl friends over it. My parents toatally disagree with it but in the last 3 yrs have dealt with it, and can talk to me abt it now...but will not tolerate me bringing around a girlfriend. Since then i have made new friends girls and guys that love me for who i am, and the girls are not uncomfortable around me at all. mostly becasue i was honest. we joke all the time even though they are straight. And i think i even helped them be more comfortable with themsleves becasue of how comfortable i am with my sexuality.

my advice to you is tell people. I wouldnt just blurt it out all of a sudden but just let those you care about know you have a part of you you want to share. theres nothing wrong with being open and honst. if it seems they would rather not know, then just dont get to deep into it. If you lose friends over it then u dont need them anyway, and if they really care abt u then they will come around. Parents are tricky but they love you.

good luck and IM me if you have any questions

[Mr. Saint]

Let me say that I am a bisexual guy that “came out” within a year. The thing that was interesting in how I did it was that majority of my high school know I was bi before my best friend. In fact, my best friend was the last person to know. The first people were girls and then some other friends. The one person I trust more then any one, and I have known literally my entire life, did not know. The rezone for this is I have always felt that if you don’t like me for who I am, you can go to hell. Some people did not approve and that was fine with me (I went to a very liberal high school). But this one friend I could not tell. The reason I think it was so hard was I could not take the chance of him disapproving of me. In the end I told him and he was pretty cool with it. There was a little bit of that weirdness you are talking about, but he got over it. Now looking back, I should not have been so nerves. A true friend will accept you for who ever you are.

Our relationship was a little wired after I told him, but there were other contributing factors. The weirdness came both with things like changing. Also there was a little weirdness with going out to dinner together. After about three months everything went back to normal. There is a lot more to the story but that is the gist of it. hope it helps.

[sera300]

Originally Posted by Mandie

It happened to me. Very uncomfortable.

You are among the wrong friends then. Friends accept you regardless of your sexuality preferences. I have several females friends who are either bi or lesbians, male friends as well. Never bothered me; they knew my sexual orientation [straight] and respected that; why not be the same? I have not feelings of awkwardness among females/males who are gay. Nudity? Does not everyone see what someone else has? Does not make them a homosexual. If they fail to accept you, their loss!

[constantlylearning]

Do people like that look down their noses at you if you ...........like
chocolate cheesecake???? If so, that is hard to take. LOL

[Mr. Saint]

I have to disagree with Sera on this one. Even if your friends accept you, they may still be a little weird about it. Some of them will act kind of like they are changing in front of some one of the opposite gender. They are still your friends. I agree with her that it should not make a difference, but the truth is, it dose for some. I am male, so this may be different for women, but I suspect that it is not.