Bi or Lesbian...advice please

[Ducy]

True sera. Although I am not looking for a clear answer anymore. I mean I am like dont care. As long as I love someone and they can turn me on and get me off Im ok.

[sera300]

Originally Posted by Ducy

True sera. Although I am not looking for a clear answer anymore. I mean I am like dont care. As long as I love someone and they can turn me on and get me off Im ok.

Your identity comes with time. I am straight as can be (to a fault--I am beginning to think--that whole dating pool thing). Porn? I can watch gay porn & get turned on since see it's me there with the camera on--fantasy style since it's not something I would ever do--no nudes ever of me. With a guy watching porno with me; his level of turn on watching it is what turns me on. It causes sexual arousal. I find women attractive, can admire her beauty, looks, brains, body. I would never wish to actually do it since I find it a turn off in "real" life. Much like my "fantasy" of being on a pool table being done by 20 guys who adore me...is it real? No. Ever do it? Never! My attraction is to the almighty "dick" with a good user of it.

[atomic]

For me, I am physically attracted to and want to be in relationships with men, but the sight of a beautiful woman or 2 touching themselves or each other turns me on. I like the fantasy of being with another woman, but I don't really know or think the reality would live up to it.

As Sera said, experiment with how you feel and if it feels right, act on it

[Ducy]

Yeah I check out guys once in a while, and I have had a fair shair of dreams...involving men. I mean it doesnt bother me, but I dont know if I could just walk out and have sex with a man...I do have quite a love for the female body

[browneyedgirl]

Dazed, there is a full spectrum of sexuality. You are thinking in terms of gay-bi-straight as the only options, when in reality there are many in-betweens and shades of gray. It's not like you either are equally attracted to both sexes or you are gay or you are straight. I've never been in a relationship with a girl, though I have fooled around with girls. In general, I think girls bodies are more attractive than male bodies. Walking down the street I see more women I would want to hook up with than males. Yet I am very happily in a long term relationship with my boyfriend, and we want to get married. I am very attracted to him. If someone asked, I'd say that I'm bi. But that doesn't change the fact that I am happily in a relationship with a man. My best advice is not to limit yourself. Don't worry about what title to give your sexuality. If it feels right to be with a woman - do it. And if it feels right to be with a man - do it. It sounds to me like you are attracted to both sexes, so I think it is fair to say that you are bi or bi-curious. In five years, you may find that you are only interested in dating men. If that's the case, you can say you're straight then. In the meantime just worry about what feels good in the moment.

[sera300]

Agreed there is a full array...I can see a woman & note her attractiveness but sexually attractive for me? No. Fleeting thoughts of wonder or pondering? Perhaps but nothing of interest or notable. Then look at others who are emotionally & physically attracted to both sexes equally--then those who are strictly to one of the opposite sex....

[Brandye]

All women check out all other women. Sexual interest or not, we are seeing how we stack up against the competition. I doubt that I, as a bi-, do any more or less checking than the rest of you.

[BTDTWoman]

(Brandye, About 20 years ago, I realized that there is no winner, and therefore there is no competition. So there is at least one woman in the world who does not look at other women to "check out the competion." I appreciate whatever it is I find attractive in both sexes without worrying about how I might measure up (for some desireable other person) in comparison with that person.)

Anyhow, to answer Dazed original question, I agree with browneyedgirl in many ways.

"Lesbian, bisexual, and straight" are recently invented socially convenient categories that we as a society agree to use to identify women who have and/or act on sexual desire their sexual desire for women, women and men, or men (respectively). The categories don't actually define our sexuality; but our sexuality gets defined through these categories by ourselves or other people.

You are telling us in your post that you have sexual desires for women and for men. The category for that is "bisexual." But that doesn't mean that you ARE "a bisexual," however, it is a word that may be useful to you to describe to other people which sex(es) you are attracted to.

If you choose to call yourself, "bisexual" now, you are free to keep that identity or change it over time. You don't have to BE a bisexual, ACT like a bisexual, or in any other way adjust your sexuality or your life to fit into your idea of what "bisexuals" are supposed to say, do, or feel.

Someday you may find that your desire for men is so strong that you stop desiring women. Or you may find that your desire for women is so much stronger that you stop desiring men. So what? You don't have to explain yourself to anyone about why the label does or doesn't fit you. You don't have to say, "Whoops, guess I'm really straight and I've been lying to myself all this time!" " or "Whoops, I guess I'm really a lesbian, not a bisexual after all." People are not "really" anything. It's all about your desire at a specific time.

Don't be afraid to accept any of your sexual desires as "real." People often say that adolescents experiment with homosexuality, but it is equally true that adolescents experiment with heterosexuality. Adolescents experiment sexually.

Guess what? So do adults.

Best,