Not sure how to put it...uh, pan-curious?

[Falcos]

When I first heard about pansexuality, I was amazed at how much similarity I found between the description and how I viewed sex. I know I prefer girls, but at the same time the idea of having sex with a guy doesn't sound as 'not right' as I imagine it should for a straight man. Point of fact, if a guy I was familiar with made a move either romantically or sexually, I would probably consider it (depending on who the guy is, of course).

Now, seeing as I'm not only a virgin with sex but with intimate relationships, I'm very wary about saying I'm this or that, but I can't ignore how...accurate that description of pansexuality was.

If anyone has any advice, suggestions, anecdotes, whatever on this topic- I would appreciate the input. Thank you.

[dancingdoc2]

> When I first heard about pansexuality, I was amazed at how much similarity I found between the description and how I viewed sex. I know I prefer girls, but at the same time the idea of having sex with a guy doesn't sound as 'not right' as I imagine it should for a straight man. Point of fact, if a guy I was familiar with made a move either romantically or sexually, I would probably consider it (depending on who the guy is, of course).

How do you differentiate this from bisexuality?

> Now, seeing as I'm not only a virgin with sex but with intimate relationships, I'm very wary about saying I'm this or that, but I can't ignore how...accurate that description of pansexuality was.

Put another way, what is your interpretation of the definition?

An inquisitive mind wants to know....

[oberon]

I'm with DancingDoc. How is "pansexuality" different from "bisexuality"?

I will agree with your view that as of yet you are neither fish nor fowl, I'd hold off on labeling myself anything. With your description, I'd say all options are still open. Without having been intimate with either a man or a woman, then you really can't say as to what your feelings will be. It does sound like you are openminded and that's not a bad thing to be. Just be honest with any future partners and see how things go.

[Falcos]

Well, as far as I can tell, the difference between pansexuality and bisexuality is a little abstract. They share an interest in both sexes sexually, but with pansexuality it's less like a desire for both, and more of a 'well, I'd prefer this, but I wouldn't say no to that either' thing. And I'm fairly certain bisexuals are similar to that, but lean more towards actually wanting both.

So I guess (again, as far as I can tell) the difference would be that while bisexuals are attracted to both genders, pansexuals aren't necessarily attracted to both, but wouldn't say no to the idea based solely on gender roles.

For example, I wouldn't necessarily go after a guy for sex or a relationship, but if I had that option made available to me (i.e. a guy asked me out), I wouldn't reject it solely because I'm a guy and he's a guy, or because I prefer women. If I had to choose between a man and a woman, I'd probably go for the woman, but if it was between a man and nothing, I would consider it a viable option (depending on the guy, as I probably said before).

I'm not really as informed on the topic as I could be, but from what I understand that is the main difference. If I'm wrong, and you can back up what you're saying, please feel free - that's why I started this topic, after all. I could use the input.

Also, sorry I wasn't clearer earlier.

[dancingdoc2]

I believe you have good clarity for the definition of the term. It has been years since I've even thought about it so had to go back and do some reading. My book presents it in an overall artsy fashion in that this orientation also includes the periphery of people who are trans gender, trans sexual, cross dresser, intersex, etc.

Do not bother looking for an understandable definition on the Internet unless you are an expert at deciphering "legalese" jargon. The explanations are so precisely worded that they seem convoluted and so much jibberish.

[katiebug]

When you try to "label" sexuality, things can get very confusing. I personally don't see the need to label it at all. For the sake of explaining to others who I am and what I identify as, I say that I am straight. Does that mean that I am 100% attracted to men, and only men? No. I choose to use that label because 1. I am currently in a relationship with a man, and 2. I know that I will always only seek out romantic relationships with a man. So for the sake of the general public, no one will probably ever question me when I say I am straight. For me, I consider sexuality to lie in who you would choose to spend the rest of your life with, who you want to be romantically involved with. Not just a purely sexual thing. So, if all went according to plan, a "straight" person would be romantically involved with a person of the opposite sex, a "gay" person would be in a romantic relationship with a person of the same sex, and a "bi" person would have romantic relationships with both sexes. Of course the spectrum is broader than that, but this is how I choose to identify myself according to my own standards.

Have I ever had sex with a woman? No. Would I do it if the opportunity was presented me? Yes, probably. Do I go out and actively seek other women to have sex with? Not at all. I like watching lesbian porn, I like going to strip clubs and watching other females dance, I have had dreams about having sex with women and I have found the occasional woman I come across in public to be physically attractive. I can appreciate the female body. However, all that said, I don't wish to be involved in a relationship with a woman. I think of it in purely sexual terms. I also am extremely attracted to men, moreso than women, and I crave sex with a man at all times. Whereas I would only "crave" or fantasize about sex with a woman very occasionally. In a spectrum, I'd say I want men 95% of the time, and women 5% of the time.

But you can see how this would get confusing. We assume that someone who is straight has a ratio of 100/0 when it comes to liking the opposite sex, and that someone who is gay would be 0/100, and someone who is bi would be 50/50. Truthfully people have so many different sexual preferences and desires that it seems awkward to try to confine it into a label, or a percentage of desires. The best thing to do for yourself and for others, IMO, is to keep an open mind. Be open to experimenting (provided it does not hurt you or others), be open to your feelings and don't close yourself off just because you are worried about fitting into a specific label of what you should be.

More than trying to label myself, I would just say that I am open to experimenting when it comes to sex.

[Sirene]

Originally Posted by Falcos

Well, as far as I can tell, the difference between pansexuality and bisexuality is a little abstract. They share an interest in both sexes sexually, but with pansexuality it's less like a desire for both, and more of a 'well, I'd prefer this, but I wouldn't say no to that either' thing. And I'm fairly certain bisexuals are similar to that, but lean more towards actually wanting both.

So I guess (again, as far as I can tell) the difference would be that while bisexuals are attracted to both genders, pansexuals aren't necessarily attracted to both, but wouldn't say no to the idea based solely on gender roles.

Ah, so any hole's a goal?

[Falcos]

I can see what Katie's saying, and philosophically I appreciate the whole 'why label?' concept, but I still would like to know. Katie, your description of how you view your own gender is close to, but not exactly like my own - I would pursue a hetero relationship before going after a guy, but the idea of having a relationship, either sexual or romantic, with someone of my gender doesn't raise any red flags in my head. I'm more comfortable talking with women and initiating contact with women, but if Mrs. Right turned out to be a Mr. and he approached me, I'd go for it. Of course this is all on paper. As that hasn't happened to me, I don't know how I'd react if it actually happened.

This isn't really a life-changing decision for me right now, but I am very curious about this. While I appreciate Katie's help, I could still use more input.

[dancingdoc2]

> Point of fact, if a guy I was familiar with made a move either romantically or sexually, I would probably consider it (depending on who the guy is, of course).

This comment and your post, above, continue to sound like bisexuality.

[Falcos]

Really? Hm...That's odd. It really doesn't feel like that - or at least as strong as that.

As much as I'm starting to respect the Doc's opinions on things from other topics on this site, I would appreciate some other views on this. Now I'm intriguied...