She's partially straight - confusing me!

[oedipussy]

Damn, Ducy, you're a serious contender for the "Most Tolerant Guy Ever" award...

Step back from her completely. This girl is a mess and she needs to figure things out for herself, alone. Quit trying to fix her. You're not her therapist. You're not her parent. She's not your responsibilty... Live your life, and if she ever decides to get on with her's, maybe you two can give it another try.

OK, so she was abused - sooner or later that excuse just stops working. You shouldn't put up with this crap just because she can't get over the past.

[Ducy]

Thats just how I am though...I just cant let her go, and I am giving her space. I mean I cant just walk away completely...we make a very great pair, and we make great friends too...She doesnt want me out of her life, because I am the only person who she actually can confide and feel safe around. I just cant.

What can I say...My heart is like Hugeafreakingigantic.

[oedipussy]

I understand that. But I honestly believe that you're hurting her more than you're helping her. She doesn't want you out of her life because you're giving her what she wants - unconditional love and comfort, which gives her a great reason to not even bother trying to change. You're always there for her, which essentially holds her back.

And by putting up with all of this you're basically telling her that her behaviour is acceptable. You need to give her the message that she needs to turn her life around. Otherwise, you're signing up for a lifetime of misery...

It's time for some tough love - make her sort her life out before you give her any condsideration. It'll be better for you both in the long run.

[sera300]

Ducy,

She has too many issues she needs to decide IF she wants to work out for herself. Just be her friend and distance yourself as her love. You cannot repair her; she has to do all this herself. Too many issues...

[Ducy]

I know...I know...

[sera300]

As much as all of you do not like this..Ducy, Oedi, and Sirene; one thing all of us here are telling you in different ways--choose well & choose women who are worthy of you. YOU can only try for so long, it takes two to make it work. One person cannot hold a relationship together nor a marriage, we have learned the hard way....some have made good choices and some of us [me] have not. Choose which you prefer...good choices or bad ones.

[Ducy]

Yea..well shes going to counseling, err well she has one scheduled. (didnt know she needed an appointment and got turned back today when she went) I told her its the only way I will like stay around (as a friend, like a friend you chill with once in a while) And she is doing it or trying to do it.

I really hope this all works out. I mean I understand you guys, and I thank you so much for the advice. I know what its like to have to do all the work, (my first gf was manipulative and would break up with me on a regular basis...hey i was young and stupid). I mean right now...shes everything I want. Except for the identity crisis and all. Maybe in five years I will be totally different. And shell be a good friend...or maybe she'll have her whole sexuality figured out and well get back together or she starts going out with a female.

I havent moved on totally. I mean I can't or at least feel like I cant, and part of me will always wanna be with her, so I can only wait. Im not going to put my life on hold...just always keep my heart open to her. (and anyone else who may come along)

[sera300]

That's the best attitude to take...you do not know where you will be in 5 years, or what you will really want/need in a person then--if it's meant to be it will happen if not, you have a friend. I just came off my "dating sabbatical" found a victim of interest. It's awkward to a degree, never know where you will end up; however, the fun part is picking their brains to see what they are made of.

[SweetJamieLee]

Hey, Ducy, I wonder, what could possibly be the problem?

You have a lover that is every man's fantasy, right?

What is the matter with a woman being turned on by another woman's breasts or other parts? What is wrong with her having a very intimate friendship, that someday you might be invited into?

I don't think that would bother me if I were a man. I think I would think that my woman knew who she was, was honest enough with herself and me to express it (what a major feat!), and through doing so, was possibly opening an invitation to you to participate.

Only you can decide for yourself, but I would throw away the confusion. Evidently, she is nuts about what is between your legs!

[Ducy]

Originally Posted by SweetJamieLee

Hey, Ducy, I wonder, what could possibly be the problem?

You have a lover that is every man's fantasy, right?

What is the matter with a woman being turned on by another woman's breasts or other parts? What is wrong with her having a very intimate friendship, that someday you might be invited into?

I don't think that would bother me if I were a man. I think I would think that my woman knew who she was, was honest enough with herself and me to express it (what a major feat!), and through doing so, was possibly opening an invitation to you to participate.

Only you can decide for yourself, but I would throw away the confusion. Evidently, she is nuts about what is between your legs!

Well actually no offense but there is one thing wrong with it. She is torn...because she has felt attracted (sexually and physically) to girls before we started dating. (I wasnt aware of this) and after we started fooling around and having sex she began to question what she always believed.

A lot of men do have a fantasy for a bi woman...or at least all my friends do. I am not bothered at a bisexual girlfriend (if she is) I look at a bisexual person as someone who has a wider dating spectrum, thats all. And I lack the lesbian or three some fantasy. Even as a younger teen I was never aroused at the thought of lesbian sex, or two girls. The only think thats interesting to me is when they kiss...and its not interesting in a sexual way, I find two girls making out actually kinda...idk....a mix between sweet and beautiful, not arousing.


**Oh and Oed...who wins the "Most Tolerant Guy Award"? And who else was in the running lol