Meets through internet swinging sites

[Buzzz123]

As a male with a long held curiosity to try oral sex with another guy

[sera300]

I have to ask the reason for not discussing your sexual "needs" with your wife. Do you not believe you owe her disclosure? What about the health risks you are subjecting her to? If you have not discussed your alter-life with her you are not being fair since this is deceitful to her and you are not allowing her to make an informed decision. A marriage is more then satisfying your wants, needs, and fantasies...she is part of the equation, like it or not.

[oberon]

Amen, Sera.

Even with safe sex, there are risks to which an unsuspecting spouse is subject. You're playing with her life as well as your own.

[up4anything]

My husband is into watching me with others or letting me go off by myself and brining him back a surprise but we are always upfront with each other and never go behind each others backs. Maybe your wife would be into being involved if you would have consulted her. I would have to agree doing it behind her back is really rude, unfair and mean.

[NoLoveAtHome]

Originally Posted by sera300

I have to ask the reason for not discussing your sexual "needs" with your wife. Do you not believe you owe her disclosure? What about the health risks you are subjecting her to? If you have not discussed your alter-life with her you are not being fair since this is deceitful to her and you are not allowing her to make an informed decision. A marriage is more then satisfying your wants, needs, and fantasies...she is part of the equation, like it or not.

I'd have to say his thinking is along the lines of something you said:

Originally Posted by sera300

I agree it's about the commitment you made to the other person. The most significant part is monogamy.

The issue arises when in my previous situation; when you cannot satisfy the other persons urge to be with the person of the same sex. It can make for a very unhappy relationship since you realize no matter what you try to do, as a woman, you are not enough and cannot meet their sexual needs.

[sera300]

Originally Posted by NoLoveAtHome

I'd have to say his thinking is along the lines of something you said:

Noloveathome: Regardless of the persons intent, thoughts, desires or wishes, THERE IS NO REASON PLAUSABLE to place your spouse at risk because the other wants "some fun on the side"; Man or woman. Does not give the other spouse the "right" to endanger the others life. Why because they wish to remain in the closet? There must be disclosure for one to protect themselves and make an informed choice...He already has gone outside the marriage meeting people on websites giving blow jobs...that is not monomoy nor is it commitment to a marriage. It's called being a selfish SOB. His thinking is nothing along the lines of what I said...He cannot satisfy a woman or thinks he is sparing her feelings? That is his problem; perhaps he needs a divorce.

How do you explain to the wife how she got HIV or any other STD? Through a committed marriage? Monogamy? His wanting to try, come out, or experiment NEVERS negates telling his spouse so she can decide of she wants to remain in the relationship much less even to mandate he is to use a condom with her...

Anyone who is straight, gay, or Bi; OWES their spouse the truth. NO MATTER WHAT.

Why do I so "fire" on this? The health risks of all diseases have been placed upon me by spouses...never a date, fling, or boyfriend. Why? Because they could not be decent human beings to tell me the truth to ensure I could make my own choices regarding my health and what risks I WANTED to assume. In the end? The lack of honesty (not the experimenting) wound up with a locked door to the house and no way to return...EVER.

[constantlylearning]

Great Post Sera....To not be honest and then subject another (unknowingly) to
something like that is Just WRONG.....

[browneyedgirl]

I agree 100% with Sera. Your sexuality is a moot point here, what you are doing is wrong. It is totally irresponsible and reprehensible what you are exposing your wife to. You urge safety, but there is NO truly safe sex. So you used a condom? You can still get STDs! In the women's sexual health section there was just a post by a woman who has been in a monogamous relationship for 4 years and always used a condom, and yet she contracted herpes from her bf (though he thought he was clean). Furthermore you say you have experienced swallowing cum, which means that you have not been having safe oral sex. You also need to remember that the most common sign of an STD is NO SIGN. So just because there are no outbreaks doesn't mean all is well. What you are doing is not safe, and you post here advocating it. Your wife deserves and needs to know what is going on.

[constantlylearning]

All good points Browneyed and VERY VERY TRUE. Boils down to being
decent to another and just doing what is RIGHT. Browneyed your replies
are very articulate.

[DVDBear]

As a gay male I always find the mindset of the "straight" guy who wants to experiment on the side of his marriage really odd. I admit I was guilty of doing it with a married guy ONCE . . . my first sexual experience, actually. My thinking at the time was I wasn't helping him cheat because I was providing something his wife could not, therefore not jeoprodizing their relationship. Naive thinking, absolutely. I soon talked to many married women who obviously did NOT look at it that way. It wasn't the experimentation (which they weren't crazy about) but the deceit and willingness to put them possibly in harm's way that was destructive to the relationship. "What they don't know won't hurt them" is NOT true. Since then I've never played with another married guy (or a gay guy in a monogamous relationship for that matter), even if he tells me his wife knows or is okay with it (I suppose if I met her and she confirmed that I might consider it). It was a valuable lesson that helped my partner and I sort our priorities at the beginning of our 13 year relationship; almost anything can be gotten past or mended with the exception of deceit - the damage it does can never be completely undone.