Turning Gay in Middle of Your Life

[masse7326]

What are your thoughts about that? Well, let me start from the beginning and seperate my years using the sports I did......



When I used to figure skate (6-14), I would consider myself straight. I would not once consider having a relationship with guys. I would only fantasize about girls and going on dates with them. Yet, I had dreams about going over to a girl's house who I skated with and being dressed up in girl clothes (crossdressing fantasy).

After I quit, I did Tae Kwon Do (15-16/17) and started having gay thoughts. I would only pursue them online though with chat. I would read transgender fiction and such and even roleplay with other males and I'd be treated as the girl. So, I guess I would be considered a transgender since I did also dress up in my mom's clothes but did NOT get turned on by doing so. I would continue having thoughts about girls but start thinking about fellatio and anal. The thought of cunninglingus and intercourse started becoming disgusting to think about it around this time.

After TKD (17-present), I went to college and my life took a wild loop. I joined the local GBLTQ group and Jewish group but became more active and interested in the GBLTQ group. In the yearbook, my picture is in it. I started trying anal contact by fingering myself and using the end of a lightsaber to penetrate myself (the new kinds). Basically, I'd skip classes and just chat online with others. That's why I'm back home

Back at home, I started taking up billiards more, basically because my parents openned up a pool hall which I will run someday (still wondering) and that's where my life is at now. I've become alot more interested in the BDSM community and chatting with Dom/mes and slaves/subs but the conversation ALWAYS leads up to males. I do sometimes have the thought of wedding a female just because society tells us heterosexuality is right but if I do, there'd only be kissing involved and nothing more.

So, what are your thoughts about my sexuality and my life? Any other questions about me, please ask

[sera300]

Originally Posted by masse7326

What are your thoughts about that? Well, let me start from the beginning and seperate my years using the sports I did......



When I used to figure skate (6-14), I would consider myself straight. I would not once consider having a relationship with guys. I would only fantasize about girls and going on dates with them. Yet, I had dreams about going over to a girl's house who I skated with and being dressed up in girl clothes (crossdressing fantasy).

Does not necessarily define your sexuality more so defines your fantasy.

After I quit, I did Tae Kwon Do (15-16/17) and started having gay thoughts. I would only pursue them online though with chat. I would read transgender fiction and such and even roleplay with other males and I'd be treated as the girl. So, I guess I would be considered a transgender since I did also dress up in my mom's clothes but did NOT get turned on by doing so. I would continue having thoughts about girls but start thinking about fellatio and anal. The thought of cunninglingus and intercourse started becoming disgusting to think about it around this time.

Transgendered means you assume the role of the woman since you are more comfortable as a woman then a man...IE: A man physically trapped with the thoughts of being a female. The dressing is not intended to turn you on rather it is meant to define your identity. You began thinking about Anal & Fellatio on yourself (having it done to you)? Or doing to another man? And you became repulsed by sexually engaging with a woman?

After TKD (17-present), I went to college and my life took a wild loop. I joined the local GBLTQ group and Jewish group but became more active and interested in the GBLTQ group. In the yearbook, my picture is in it. I started trying anal contact by fingering myself and using the end of a lightsaber to penetrate myself (the new kinds). Basically, I'd skip classes and just chat online with others. That's why I'm back home

Get back to a college and get your sexuality under control while you figure out your true sexual identity.

Back at home, I started taking up billiards more, basically because my parents openned up a pool hall which I will run someday (still wondering) and that's where my life is at now. I've become alot more interested in the BDSM community and chatting with Dom/mes and slaves/subs but the conversation ALWAYS leads up to males. I do sometimes have the thought of wedding a female just because society tells us heterosexuality is right but if I do, there'd only be kissing involved and nothing more.

Nothing wrong w/BDSM; however, I suggest you have a sexual experience before jumping into the deep end of the pool--stick w/ the kiddie pool for now. As far as marriage kissing alone declares a marriage as annulled since it was not consummated. Marrying anyone (regardless of societal beliefs) is DEAD wrong & CRUEL to the other partner & to yourself. Step up and be who you are; stop allowing this chicken behavior to rule you. You not only will ruin your life but you will devastate the other person beyond comprehension. If you are so compelled to marry a woman find one who is strictly gay herself--a lesbian.

So, what are your thoughts about my sexuality and my life? Any other questions about me, please ask

Thoughts on your sexuality? I believe you are honestly gay--not a straight cell in your body. Live the life and experiment before making ANY choices. Then come out of the proverbial closet.

[DVDBear]

So am I correct in assuming you're still a virgin either to gay or straight sex?

As far as getting married because "heterosexuality is the right thing to do", that's about the lamest excuse I can imagine for potentially screwing up another person's life. You obviously understand your sexual leanings are not toward straight sex, why would you want to marry and impair another person's joy in an extremely important part of a relationship? If you decide to persue that, are you going to be honest with the woman beforehand and tell them you're most likely gay and are looking only for a plantonic relationship in which (most likely) you will be going elsewhere for your sexual needs? There might be women out there willing to make that sacrifice but they're few and far between.

As Sera said, live the fantasies that compel you and be true to yourself.

[sera300]

I am assuming you are male; however, I have read your other posts they conflict with any identity. You identify yourself as bisexual yet are repulsed by women and admit to never doing more then kissing one (in the future)--even if you were married to her.

Moreover, you say you will not practice safe sex since you will be certain of the person you love yet you have given a guy a blow job? And yet you answered questions pertaining to women...

Do you know what safe sex is? Seriously, this is your health and you are just 20!

[masse7326]

I am a male. Right now, I identify with being bisexual but leaning gay. If someone asks me in public what I am, I say "not straight" because I don't know but I do know that I'm not straight.

I have kissed a girl before, but didn't french. I did get turned on by it and I did get an instant hard-on when I held her hand. However, I don't know if it was the part of me that saids "girl are cute" or if it was the horny part of me just wanting to let loose?

Yes, I am a virgin with both.

With safe sex. When I find my soul-mate, W/we will eventually not use condoms because we will both be safe and know it.

With what I want to do with guys? Well, go down on Him and have Him penetrate me. The thought of anyone going down on me makes me shiver.

[dancingdoc2]

> Turning Gay in Middle of Your Life... What are your thoughts about that? Well, let me start from the beginning and seperate my years using the sports I did.

This happens to a lot of people; although, at 20 I don't think you are in the middle of your life unless you only plan on living to 40. The fact is that becoming Gay, or being Bi- is a change that people transition into, and at a younger age would probably never consider this as a gender identity, lifestyle, or, interest.

> When I used to figure skate (6-14), I would consider myself straight.
> I did Tae Kwon Do (15-16/17) and started having gay thoughts.
> (17-present), I went to college and my life took a wild loop. I joined the local GBLTQ group and Jewish group but became more active and interested in the GBLTQ group.

So far this could be a case for learning your true identity, curiosity and experimentation, or, a true shift. For me it was curiosity and the fact that as a horny college kid there was not other outlet and a cooperative roommate was handy.

> Basically, I'd skip classes and just chat online with others. That's why I'm back home

Are you saying that you quit school? If so, why? If so, this is not unlike the question often asked by young teens wanting to know if it is bad to masturbate a lot. The answer is "NO" unless the activity interferes with obligations, school, chores, etc. If you have left school to devote your time to chatting on line, I believe you need a new perspective on your life, future (be it the operator of a pool hall or something entirely different). You need to finish your education so you have a life, understanding that you at age twenty are at your sexual peak and all these hormones are influencing your rational behavior.

> I do sometimes have the thought of wedding a female just because society tells us heterosexuality is right but if I do, there'd only be kissing involved and nothing more.

Good luck on finding someone who will marry you just for kisses. It does not take too much searching of this site to find women complaining about their man's lack of interest when it comes to making love. Making love is the outward expression of a couple's love. So far, you have what appears to be an overly simplistic view of sex, love, and committment.

I think you should play it cool for a year or more taking this time to learn more about yourself. If you want to date guys, do so, if you want to date women, do so, but do not settle into a life with anyone, male or female, just because of appearances or what society expects. If you do, you will be cheating them as well as yourself, because you will not be in the relationship just like the wife or husband who goes out and cheats with someone.

[masse7326]

As for school, the thought of going back to school/class sickens me. I didn't leave because of chat or anything, I left because I learned that college isn't for me. That's why I left.

[sera300]

Originally Posted by masse7326

I am a male. Right now, I identify with being bisexual but leaning gay. If someone asks me in public what I am, I say "not straight" because I don't know but I do know that I'm not straight.

I have kissed a girl before, but didn't french. I did get turned on by it and I did get an instant hard-on when I held her hand. However, I don't know if it was the part of me that saids "girl are cute" or if it was the horny part of me just wanting to let loose?

You confuse me since you said you do fisting, and love the taste of cum during a BJ; therefore, I assume you have engaged in foreplay with men & not w/women. You stated if you marry there will never be sex w/her and you are turned off bu the thought of cunningulus and intercourse (vaginal).

You may find you are becoming aroused by a human touch and can see a female as attractive. My very gay male friends can see a woman as cute or attractive but the question is are you sexually (wanting to have sex) w/a woman? Same question for a man...do you wish to have sex w/a man & do you find a man physically attractive? This is where I believe bisexuality comes in. You can have a preference of which you enjoy, bisexual. But those who are not wanting to have sex with a member of the opposite sex? I tend to say gay.

I ended up married to a bi male unknown prior to marriage & sex was fantastic. He did not tell me for the reasons you state....family and society pressure. Let me tell you, that hurt more then anything someone can imagine. It was devastating in ways many [people] cannot think of.

Do yourself a favor--Experiment. Get out there and try, start slow & try different things and be HONEST! Use CONDOMS. The rest will follow, get off the cyber world and begin living your life, and the answers will follow...get back to college too. Stop tossing around terms since you are labeling yourself. If anything you are gay or bi-curious...(I think). I am straight but helped my now ex husband figuring out himself & many friends.

[masse7326]

When did I say that about fisting and love taste during a bj? Well, I would do fisting and I do love my own cum but I never been with a guy before, sexually.

As for your "Bisexual Test"
Women- physically attractive (not interested in genitals or breasts) but not sexually

Men- Sexually attractive (penis-wise) but I feel like I have to find words that describe them right (cute, hunk, hott, etc.)

[sera300]

Originally Posted by masse7326

As for school, the thought of going back to school/class sickens me. I didn't leave because of chat or anything, I left because I learned that college isn't for me. That's why I left.

You are not required to love college just to attend & to learn. I thought it was not for me either, quickly I figured out I needed a profession; therefore, I completed an AAS then BS. At 38 or so I decided to continue for 2 Master's and actually enjoyed it, currently on to a PhD. I would have said years ago--NEVER!