Turning Gay in Middle of Your Life

[sera300]

Originally Posted by masse7326

When did I say that about fisting and love taste during a bj? Well, I would do fisting and I do love my own cum but I never been with a guy before, sexually.

As for your "Bisexual Test"
Women- physically attractive (not interested in genitals or breasts) but not sexually

Men- Sexually attractive (penis-wise) but I feel like I have to find words that describe them right (cute, hunk, hott, etc.)

Okay, so you have not been sexual with anyone. No big deal. Knowing this I'd say date...look for men do not exclude women. Sample what life has to offer. Your answer will follow.

Marriage? You have to engage in sex! Otherwise it's null & void if never done!

[masse7326]

Originally Posted by sera300

Okay, so you have not been sexual with anyone. No big deal. Knowing this I'd say date...look for men do not exclude women. Sample what life has to offer. Your answer will follow.

Marriage? You have to engage in sex! Otherwise it's null & void if never done!

Would you still say that there's "no straight cell in my body"?

[dancingdoc2]

> [Sera300} If you are so compelled to marry a woman find one who is strictly gay herself--a lesbian.

Now, why didn't this occur to me. The cost of living being what it is, it often takes two to live comfortably. Roommates!

[masse7326} Basically, I'd skip classes and just chat online with others. That's why I'm back home

> As for school, the thought of going back to school/class sickens me. I didn't leave because of chat or anything, I left because I learned that college isn't for me. That's why I left.

Thank you for the clarification, although, your two statements don't seem to agree; however, in order to make it further in this world than a cook at a fast food restaurant or a ditch digger, you need some sort of higher education. If college is not your forte' then look into a business college or technical school.

> I have kissed a girl before, but didn't french.

You didn't?! Good. Please read my comment on this:

KISSING & CARESSING--a young person's guide to EXPLORATION

It's the second paragraph followed by the first under the subtitle: Kissing-the basics--

> I did get turned on by it and I did get an instant hard-on when I held her hand. However, I don't know if it was the part of me that saids "girl are cute" or if it was the horny part of me just wanting to let loose?

Either or. More than likely it was a normal reaction to external sexual stimuli--sight, sound, smell, touch, fantasy--that affects all of us and turns us on.

I agree with Sera, get off the computer and (re)enter the world. There are lots of ways to connect up with people and to find men and women to date. Organizations available thorugh the college are a great place to start. Right now you need friends and a social life. Once this is established, you can begin to build on a love life by letting these friends know that you are looking for someone to date. When you date, do not make it exclusive until you have dated a lot of people, and, are ready to settle down.

You've used a lot of strong statements and have stated some things that are a bit off the wall to me. I also recommend that you tone down your language which also means being a bit more flexible in your attitudes until you have acquired more insight and information. In addition, at least one of your statements is plain irresponsible.*

> The thought of anyone going down on me makes me shiver.
> there'd only be kissing involved and nothing more.
> The thought of cunninglingus and intercourse started becoming disgusting to think about it around this time.
> I identify with being bisexual but leaning gay.
> *we will eventually not use condoms because we will both be safe and know it.

a. When you say "shiver" do you mean this as a positive outlook, or, as a negative viewpoint as if you were to use "shudder"? Being repulsed by, and, just not enjoying something like oral stimulation that is otherwise widely accepted practices are two different mind sets.

If you mean that you do not want a guy going down on you, would you enjoy doing this for him? If your second answer is yes and your first answer is not, then it would seem that you have some issues with which you need to come to terms.
b. Making love is more than sex for sex sake. Why kiss at all? What do you want?
c. see (a). This is twice now that you are disgusted or repulsed by something. This looks to me like you have some serious issues that need to be brought to the surface and dealt with.
d. While you can learn how to make love to a person of the same gender, I do not believe you learn to be Gay or Heterosexual. You just are, either by genetics or choice.
e. Well, this is either ignorance or wishful thinking. Either way, it is irresponsible.

All of this suggests to me that you need to learn more about sex, sexuality, love, and relationships as well as your part in all this before stating your thoughts and positions on various topics in such absolutes.

One topic to begin with is with the nature of sexual orientation. It is not about sex; rather, about which gender attracts you emotionally as well as physically. Love is a state of being, first and foremost. Sex is simply an expression.

I am Bi- and have had three relationships with guys over the years; only the first was sex for sex sake. With each of these as well as with the women in my life, the sexual aspects were essentially the same, meaning they were cooperative and reciprocal. With the fellas there was none of this "I'm a bottom and you're a top" and/or this or that practice is repulsive. Now, having said that, and in keeping with what I said above, what some of us did set as a boundary was with anal intercourse. Anal stimulation with a finger or toy/dildo is acceptable, a penis is not, although not because it is repulsive.

[DVDBear]

Originally Posted by masse7326

Would you still say that there's "no straight cell in my body"?

There are very few people who are 100% absolutes all their life . . . . . they may never act on their gay or straight fantasies but they have them, stronger at some points in time than at others. Human sexuality is in flux to varying degrees person to person. From what you've described however I would consider your orientation to be primarily gay. I've never had sex with a woman, but I thought Dianna Rigg was "hot" when I was young and there are women now who are strikingly beautiful and almost erotic to me. Not, however, in the same time zone as the erotic feelings I get toward the right kind of men. I consider myself completely gay, but have never ruled out the possibility of (under the right circumstances) at least engaging in hetero sex a few times. Those opportunities might come up before I die or might not . . . . I wouldn't feel "cheated" if they didn't. I know I'm gay.

[dancingdoc2]

Originally Posted by sera300

You are not required to love college just to attend & to learn. I thought it was not for me either, quickly I figured out I needed a profession; therefore, I completed an AAS then BS. At 38 or so I decided to continue for 2 Master's and actually enjoyed it, currently on to a PhD. I would have said years ago--NEVER!

I anxiously await the day I can call you Dr. Nurse!

[sera300]

Masse: You have to find this part out for yourself. Unfortunately trial & error will settle the issue for you. As DVD said there are those with degrees of being gay; some are turned on my mainly men (or women) and prefer one over the other. There are those who are turned on by both and enjoy a fulfilled life with both men & women. The emotional attachment and bonds you form to others will dictate where you are most comfortable. But you need to experiment.

Doc: There are times where it extends beyond economics. It goes to families and children. To exemplify I know a couple in their early 60's both from Catholic, Italian upbringings. No way are either going to openly live the gay life. Therefore, they chose to marry, they do love each other for the life they have developed. Sex was for propagation purposes only, they have 3 kids about my age. They are good friends with another "couple" who are actually their partners. Economically, appearance-wise, and child rearing worked for them. They are committed to never divorcing and to their kids & now grand kids. The down side I see; they are not with their truest of loves. But they do love each other and everyone is happy.

[sera300]

Originally Posted by dancingdoc2

I anxiously await the day I can call you Dr. Nurse!

Me too!!!!

[sera300]

Massie:

After some thought since I read your other posts (created a monster here) I am going to piggyback those topics here.

Dating a woman: Find one you have an interest in & she also has an interest in you, chat & get her phone number, call within 24 hours and set a date to go out. If you are shy, ask her out to "X" movie, or which ever she would like. If you feel more comfortable ask her for a casual dinner out at "X" restaurant.

Dating a man: I would find an upscale club/bar/lounge and go (if you have a male friend who is willing take him). If not, find a safe one with a good rep. Preferably not super local go in and order a drink. You are close to 21...doubt you will be "proofed". ONE only. Sip it or nurse it. Let other's come to you...they will! Be careful & make a rule chat only and get phone numbers, NO SEX THAT NIGHT. Follow up and chat with him. Talk to many make friends. I have been in gay bars and I have no problem going in to meet friends. Often they are not there yet, so I do get hit on. I am polite & say thank you but I am meeting my friend here. If they persist I just say "I am flattered but I am here to meet my friends & I am straight".

Thinking more about what DVD said. I do know some male/female friends who there is NO question about them being gay...always have been and they are not getting near the other sex's anatomy....insert proper word! In fact I have one patient in particular, she is female, a boxer by profession, and damned tough. She needs clearance prior to a match to ensure she is not preg. And she refuses to ever go to a gyn doc. I have convinced her to let me do the pelvic and pap. To her...nothing goes in there! She sees this as so unnatural. But for her health she has agreed to allow me to do the annual w/an agreement if there is any abnormality she will go to the gyn. When she has the exam she must have her g/f in the room. Fine w/me as long as she has the pap & manual exam.

Additionally you see DVD's thoughts...he is curious. Maybe he will get his dream! My ex hubby was equally attracted sexually by both sex's. His emotional attachment was more towards his bf not his wife (me). We stay in touch, he did well for a while lived a straight gay life, recently took off with a new lady. I spoke with him about 2 weeks ago...yes, we are still friends BUT that took time. It's 20+ years later.

I hope this helps you. Hopefully others add experiences! Remember I am straight so I cannot tell you all the ins and outs & how to be proper...BUT ALWAYS BE SAFE--THERE ARE NASTY PEOPLE (GAY HATERS) OUT THERE AND AWFUL DISEASES. Condoms and honesty are a must. Watch out for the players too!

Ps. You asked about flirting and have good answers from both men & women...just don't go up and kiss anyone as evil does...your not there yet! Music? It's nice. Find out what your dates interest is!

[DVDBear]

Originally Posted by sera300

Massie:


Thinking more about what DVD said. I do know some male/female friends who there is NO question about them being gay...always have been and they are not getting near the other sex's anatomy....insert proper word! In fact I have one patient in particular, she is female, a boxer by profession, and damned tough. She needs clearance prior to a match to ensure she is not preg. And she refuses to ever go to a gyn doc. I have convinced her to let me do the pelvic and pap. To her...nothing goes in there! She sees this as so unnatural.

Yep, there are those people like your friend and my partner to which the idea of straight sex is absolutely DISGUSTING. lol There are of course straight men and women (usually NOT the ones who are homophobic) who are not threatened by gay sex but would rather slide down a razor blade banister than perform it. On the meter of human sexuality there is most definitely a "100%" that some folks fall under. But in the entire length of their lives who knows how strong that feeling will remain? Take Doc's experiences. I'm not saying people hit a certain age and decide "Hey, I think I'll try same sex relations" of course, but the idea might not be so strongly a turn off as it once was. Even my partner, who's put forth some pretty extreme things he'd do before having sex with a woman admits that, in the later stage of life, if I passed away first he could see being in a live-in platonic relationship with a woman (he gets along with most of them great). And who knows if, at some point that would cross over into some degree of physical intimacy if the situation was right?

Ya never know.

[masse7326]

Thank you everybody! It means so much to actually have people that care for others in this world. I'm actually crying as I type this. Thank you!

dancingdoc2- I mean't "shudder", like "repulsed by", part of my dyslexia. Thanks for the kissing information link

sera300- thanks again for all of your knowledge. you're very kind. like a sister

DVDBear- don't know what to say to you but just "thanks"

Y'all can add more to it. I'm just happy to know that people care about others in this world.