A debate "bi sexuality double standard"

[Beans518]

Originally Posted by Suki2007

Well, that's not completely true; every person is different. Just like what works for one woman doesn't necessarily work for another.

It's true for me. If I'm with that person I know it's not nothing I do. The only thing men can't handle about me is that I'm a strong female, so I'm labeled a bitch but that's ok. I like to play the field anyway.Finding out what works for a person is part of the fun.

[oberon]

I think that any type relationship can work if the people in it are open and honest about their feelings.

That said, I- personally- would be very uncomfortable in a relationship with a bisexual man. There is the monogamy factor... I DON'T share! LOL I think "open relationships" work for some- just not for me. But the main factor would be that I would always feel that there was something he would want and miss that I would have no chance of providing. It might be an irrational emotional response, but that's how I'd feel.

[nottooblushing]

I am bi, and have always considered myself more lesbian than straight but still bi. And I fell madly in love with my fiance, I love sex with him, but I had to sit him down and explain that the fact is I like women a LOT but I was willing to be monogamous but I was still going to look. And that's fine with him and in fact we have similar taste in women (except he is attracted to me and I wouldn't be ;-) ) but the other day I was out with my mom and I checked this guy out and he checked back and we had a little eye thing. No big deal, and it's the kind of thing that I have done with women within eye-shot of him, but I felt so guilty and I told him. He laughed and said if it were a girl I wouldn't have felt bad and he doesn't see a difference. He doesn't care who I am attracted to, he just cares that I am faithful. And that is all that matters.

On a side note, I hate when people assume that if you're bi you must always have a supply of sex both gay and straight. I am a person and I am in a relationship with another person and that is it, just because I like girls doesn't mean I have to be having sex with one. I also think that somoan men are hot, but my fiance is white, doesn't mean I keep a somoan lover on the side.

[Rawbob]

If he or she was actively bisexual, and their partner knew about it upfront then its incumbant on the couple to talk about that ......both parties have to have a candid discussion. Was the bi sex just part of being a young adult experimenting or did he/she ACTIVELY PURSUE partners of the same sex for intimacy!

If ANYONE actively pursues same-sex intimacy prior to a relationship you MUST assume that is a part of who they are........while they may put their "needs" on the shelf......some day, some time, opportunity will present itself and he/she WILL act on it.

Therefor, his/her partner has to know that might happen.....look...sex is all about communication.

That lady who said "Never" when asked about a hypothetical relatioship with a bi male....yes....its a double standard..but she's upfront. Clearly, she'd not be comfortable with finding out her lvoer/hubby/bf was having bi sex of any kind.

So, if you're bi, and like it - be honest wiht your partner upfront......if u don't its a ticking time bomb!

[lassie the muffin of doom]

its definitely a double standard.
sometimes, its a matter of trust.
im bi and my fiance is bi.
but before, i couldn't date a bisexual because i was worried they'd cheat.
i knew i wouldn't but i didn't know if they would.
when my fiance and i first started dating, i thought he was straight. it was only a few months in when we were discussing fantasies and such, when he let it slip that he often had gay/bi/threesome fantasies.
but it was whatever.
so yeah, its definitely a double standard.
but sometimes its a matter of trusting the other person as well.
oh and sometimes, it could be that she/he is worried about not satisfying the other's desires completely.

[NizeGie]

Here are a few thought on the double standard, and more general impressions, from a bi-sexual woman. No, not me, obviously -- this is stuff I garnered from a woman I know who's quite definitely bi-sexual (actively so) and pretty far to the "open-minded" end of the scale in general:

- She says the research shows that everyone is, to some degree, bi-sexual. I haven't studied the research myself, so I have no idea about the truth of her assertion, but it gives some context to her other impressions.

- Typically, straight women and men are more intrigued than put off by the girl-girl side of things. While there are some people walking around who are rigidly anti-same-sex coupling (usually on religious grounds), everyone else seems to take it in stride.

- On the other hand, most full-on lesbians are openly hostile to bi-sexual women, treating them like apostates. She compared it to the way that many straight men are hostile to gay men. That may be more a matter of hardcore radical feminism than lesbianism in itself. I don't know.

- Though she's pretty freewheeling when it comes to women and straight men, she steers well clear of bi men as sexual partners, for disease-risk reasons (especially AIDS) akin to what Brandye identifies.

- She's been with various multi-partner combinations (two other women, a man and a woman, even two other women and a man, I believe), but never with more than one man.