When did you know your orientation?

[DVDBear]

I don't know how many gay people are on this board, but I'm curious when you knew, definitely, that you were gay? Not so much when you started noticing guys (or girls) but when you inwardly said to yourself "no getting around it. I'm gay".

For me it was about 19. I had strong feelings (not emotional, but sexual) toward men before that, especially in masturbation fantasies, but I always kind of pushed it back or rationalized it as "just a fantasy". Then I remember one day getting into my car and catching the back of a big construction worker who was using a jackhammer breaking up concrete. Part of his butt crack was showing and it really aroused me. It was then an inner voice said, "you can't deny it anymore . . . you're gay". It kind of freaked me out. It was many years before I acted on my urges but that was the day "I knew".

Anyone?

[oberon]

Hiya, DVD! There aren't too many of us on this board.... at least not outspoken ones. I've been here for a couple of years, but don't post as much as I once did. Anyway, to your question...

I think my story is similar to yours. I have always been interested in men- or other boys when I was younger. I'm a fairly heavy reader and I'd read the medical/psychological books that said many guys have a same-sex attraction phase. So, that was my original "route". I started out (maybe 12 or so yrs old) thinking, "Okay, I get aroused by guys, but this is a phase and it will pass." Then, by 15 or 16, I'm thinking "This is a pretty long phase." At 18 when I was in college, I dated a girl (even had sex with her) and she was a wonderful person. But, I almost immediately knew that there was something missing (no pun intended). Yes, I could have married this girl, but I would have always been looking at men on the side. That wouldn't have been fair to me... and definitely NOT FAIR to her. So, I finally thought, "Hmm... guess I'm gay.". So I broke up with her (badly, I'm sorry to say... the only regret I have about the situation).

Strangely enough (I grew up in a conservative Christian household), I didn't freak out. It was more, "Oh, well". It took me three more years before I FINALLY had my first gay experience and I didn't come out til I was 24. It wasn't that I was ashamed of being gay. It's just one of those things that is difficult to work into the conversation... especially when you are young and shy. Coming out was probably the best thing I've ever done. It has given me WAY more confidence in myself than I had before.

Anyway... that's probably more info than you wanted.

Oh, and WELCOME!!! to the board!

[DVDBear]

Thanks for the response and welcome, Oberon! Nice to see some family here. And I agree with you about coming out . . . . I didn't until I was 39 (!), and it was the biggest favor I ever did myself.

[sexybigothchick]

I knew I was bi when I reached 16. I still sometimes wonder if I'm lesbion or straight, but then I see someone of the other gender, and go "god, they're hot as hell". I recently found out that bi-sexuality has been found by many psychologist to be based on traits (which can be very arbitrary) which tend to cross gender lines, from eyes, to jaw structure.

Being from Chicago, which is pretty liberal (we have a great pride parade), I had no problem telling people my screwy orientation.

[oberon]

"Screwy"???, Sexy? LOL

My personal opinion (I have no hard statistics to back it up... just feelings) is that bisexuals are in the majority when it comes to sexual orientation. The deciding factor has been opportunity and stigma when it comes to actually acting on the feelings however. I think as society becomes more tolerant of gay people (and I have to believe they are) I think it will also become more tolerant of bisexuals. This includes gay people who seem to be as quick as straight people to say, "Oh, bisexual? You just have admitted you're gay yet." I strongly disagree with that. I believe that there are people who are truly attracted equally to both sexes. As you say, it's more of an attributes (or personality) thing than a gender thing.