Hi Newbie

[Openmindedguy]

Hi to everyone. I came across this forum by accident, but it seems vey genuine so it felt right to contribute.

I am 46 years old and been married for over 15 years. My wife and I have no kids and have a really great life, infact it worries me sometimes to realise just how great our relationship actually is and just how I would manage without her

This seems to be the great bi-sexual debate, so I may as well dive in (so to speak).

I have never fancied guys, always women and I absolutely love them, everything about them is facinating, regardless of who they are. This has been the case for my whole life, but recently I have started fantasizing about guys.

It's definitely not a relationship thing . I have loads of mates and can tell you that I dont fancy them in the least. The nearest that I have come to any form of sex was a bit of a ball squeeze at school (more, down to male superiority issues than anything else........you know what I mean if your a guy) and a mate of mine having too much pot one night and fondling my backside (I really did not know if I should hit him or just laugh it off).

So, there we are, thats me, much more women than men. My wife and I have a great sex life and we share some fantasies, but thats as far as it goes. I am into a few kinks that happen on my own (she knows about them and has occasionaly joined in). I like the idea of having my own private space for masturbation (except when she has a hand in it ).

But I am turned on by the thought of oral sex and being penetrated buy another guy, a sort of faceless fantasy where there is no chance of any sexual diseases or relationships. Doing the reverse is not out of the question, but really does not figure highly.

I can look at gay sites from a purely physical perspective.......love, nah, not on your life, but a nice penis is certainly a turn on, hairless, none muscular guys with intelligence, really more like me than anything. So, am I gay, no chance ( I have a brother who is Gay and there is a huge gulf between how he feels and what I fantasize about).

Would I answer the call?? Given the right circumstances. How do I view the bi-sexual/homosexual thing ? I dont, I dont think you can determine these things exactly, I like to fly aircraft but it does not make me a bird, ride motorcycles, but i am not a Hells Angel.

Why is it not easy to just experience a few things like an adventure holiday, why has it got to be some form of 'tag' for life. What would my wife think ? i would not tell her, why should I, it would be my secret and would not affect my relationship with her............and I am not asking permission and its unlikely I will fulfill my fantasy in the short term, but things do seem to be over complicated.

Maybe i should ask my wife if she minded me having a quick shag with some guy ?? She already knows I am willing, but the actual act is unlikely, its still sort of cheating which I struggle with.

Anyway I am just sharing. Just an open minded individual that loves to debate these things.

[DVDBear]

Hi - I'm also a newbie but commenting on your post seemed like a good place to jump in. I'm gay, but I don't think there's anything all that unusual about your fantasy for a straight guy. I know a lot of straight men freak and start second guessing their orientation if a fleeting thought of man/man sex appeals to them but I think it's putting waaaay too much importance on it. If, however, the MAJORITY of your fantasies are that way, maybe it would be time to have another look at the situation.

As far as acting on it and whether you'd enjoy it . . . that's hard to say. Your fantasies are faceless, just the sex act and dick-centric. And no matter how anonamous your encounter might be there's probably going to be elements that might be too specific for you - the way the guy looks, the face (unless you go to a glory hole or something), some communication, smells, other things that your fantasy probably doesn't have. So who knows? As you said if all the baggage were stripped off and you could just have a one-timer to find out it would probably be a worthwhile experience.

What I find interesting is that your (and many other straight guys) fantasies includes being on the receiving end of both oral and anal. That always seemed a little strange to me . . . . I can understand a guy wanting to be sucked by another guy or wanting to top him but it does seem a little strange they'd find the other acts attractive at all. But again, unless it's a persistant obsession you can't shake I wouldn't say it necessarily means anything. Many straight guys like their wives to put on a strap-on afterall. There are moments when I think I'd like to try sex with a woman once, just for the experience . . . . very specific fantasies about it can get me aroused . . . a bit. But the actual reality probably wouldn't work for me. I dunno . . . . funny thing, life.

[Openmindedguy]

No, my fantasies are definitely not that way all the time. I really think its down to 'seeking thrills and new experiences', like you say yourself, you would quite like the idea of trying it out with a woman, but still regard yourself as gay.

I dont think there are any real boundaries in life, just a sliding scale and it seems to be a scale which changes with experience. I certainly never fantasised about any form of sex with a male when I was a teen, there were far too many women to get to know. It also seems that a lot of mid 30s guys and older start thinking this way, maybe your hormones change.

[DVDBear]

Quite possibly. It really would be interesting if everyone could just drop all the judgemental crap that goes with sex and see how many people would at least be interested in trying a homosexual experience (or, in the case of gay hetrosexual) . . . . once. Perhaps not as many as I think, but probably more than most people think.

[Openmindedguy]

Originally Posted by DVDBear

What I find interesting is that your (and many other straight guys) fantasies includes being on the receiving end of both oral and anal. That always seemed a little strange to me . . . . I can understand a guy wanting to be sucked by another guy or wanting to top him but it does seem a little strange they'd find the other acts attractive at all.

I was thinking about this one, but I suppose its relatively simple to answer. We get oral sex from our female partners and naturally we get vaginal and in many cases, anal sex too. Often guys say "if only I could give myself oral sex", most guys say it at one time or another, so although thats a self pleasure thing, its not far off addmitting you have contemplated putting a dick in your mouth.

Just to find out what its like for another guy to 'cum' in your mouth, there is almost a feeling of power that you could get this to happen. Loads of guys try some form of anal sex with their partners, even if its their partners that instigate it. Once you get over the strange emotions associated with a woman penetrating you, it is really great experiencing the role reversal for many men. Its not long before you begin to wonder how a real cock would feel. What does a pair of balls feel like bouncing off your bottom ? Is it warm ? How different does it feel to a rubber dildo ? Whats the sensation like when the other guy orgasms. What does it feel like to experience what a woman feels ??

[DVDBear]

Those are interesting insights. I think many guys feel just about any type of penetration is the ultimate "gay" activity (although many gays - I'm not one of them! - don't like anal sex) and that engaging in it, even once, with another man would seal the deal, so to speak. It's been taken to such ridiculous extremes that some guys have dangerously avoided prostate exams and the like because they don't want a guy even sticking a finger up their ass. It really borders on a phobia. But to attempt to corral any sexual activity into a rigid catagory is pointless. You've mentioned many of the "gay" things you'd at least consider (even if you never act on them). But even many gays don't like all of those options. My personal distaste is letting a man cum in my mouth - I've tried, but I can't get used to it. I'll do it in some circumstances, but it's definitely not my deal.

You've mentioned that many guys would suck themselves off if they could, but being that it's yourself probably still falls under masturbation. In another thread here someone asked if gays can get themselves off while masturbating by looking at their own equipment. In my case it IS a turn-on . . . after all I love cocks and I've got one! But I wonder how much straight guys concentrate on their own genitals or if they fantasize purely about woman while stroking it?

[cyclefreak]

[QUOTE=But I wonder how much straight guys concentrate on their own genitals or if they fantasize purely about woman while stroking it?[/QUOTE]

I'm a straight guy, and I do both. I fantasize about women while I get an erection, then tend to concentrate on the sensations while I am masturbating.

[Openmindedguy]

I think mainly the sensation, I like the look of my cock as well, sometimes I fantasize about women, sometimes about men, sometimes about someone and my wife (sometimes male, sometimes female), sometimes someone elses wife........but never, ever about any of my male mates...ugggh! no way, no how and never about anything other than human, adult sex

Well unless I meet daisy the sheep

[DVDBear]

I think it's fairly well documented that "normal" people, gay or straight can and do fantasize about all sorts of off the wall stuff occasionally, 99% of which they have no desire to make real. So even if Daisy were occasionally a player I wouldn't put you in the zoophile catagory.

Again, the faceless quality of your queer fantasies is revealing, and mirrors mine in the opposite. When I do occasionally have a hetero fantasy it's completely about ****ing a vagina (and a specific looking one at that) - it has no female personality or specifics. I don't have any erotic urges for women's breasts or other feminine charecteristics. If someone was to show me a picture of a particular woman and ask me to think about sex with her it would be very difficult to do. This appears to be the same reaction you have, e.g. your buddies. That's why I wonder (in either of our cases) if fantasy became a real situation if we'd enjoy it.

[DVDBear]

Originally Posted by cyclefreak

I'm a straight guy, and I do both. I fantasize about women while I get an erection, then tend to concentrate on the sensations while I am masturbating.

But do you find the look of your genitals arousing? Can you stand in front of a mirror and just stare at your dick and get hard thinking about it?