Am I bi, lesbian or straight?

[a.m.h.i.]

I don't know if I'm bi or lesbian or straight or any of those things. I'm still a teenager and I'd like to ask adults if you personaly think it's a sign of maturity that a person definitively pick their sexual orientation after awhile? It's just stressful when you don't know what you want and you feel like you really will never decide for sure.
I know some might call this being bisexual but (maybe because I grew up in an ultra-Christian home) sometimes I hate myself for thinking that I'm bi and would rather just be straight or lesbian.
Help?

[dancingdoc2]

> I don't know if I'm bi or lesbian or straight or any of those things. I'm still a teenager and I'd like to ask adults if you personaly think it's a sign of maturity that a person definitively pick their sexual orientation

Please do not be overly concerned about your orientation at this time of life. The teenage years are a decade of transition from living a life as a child and learning how to live life as a young adult. Your body has and is making changes, your brain is developing and will continue to into your early twenties. While it is true that homosexuality is often a choice, very often it is not. A person does not mull things over in his/her mind for a while and then declare their orientation. It boils down to the gender(s) you are physically and emotionally attracted to.

* If you are attracted to members of the opposite gender then you are heterosexual
* If you are attracted to members of the same gender then you are homosexual or lesbian--Gay
* If you find that you can be attracted to people of both genders then you are Bi-sexual

Very often straight people try to make homosexuality an issue about sex. It is not. It is about who you as an individual can or are attracted to. If you are only attracted to people of the same gender then you are straight. If you are attracted to certain members of the same gender then you are Gay. If you can be attracted to an individual regardless of gender then you are Bi-. Sex, per se, is not the issue, chemistry is.

My advise is to let your life unfold and sort of observe how your emotions, outlook on matters of all kinds develop with further maturity and life experiences. Do not worry about your orientation, it will take care of itself in due course, and, you will simply know--not pick.

[Brandye]

Honey,

I am a few decades ahead of you. I have lived parts of my life as an exclusively heterosexual woman and came close to marriage; I have lived parts of my life as purely a lesbian. Today, my primary relationship is with another bi-sexual woman whom I have known since we were children. We make room for each to have some "penis time." Not much is either needed nor desired but we each recognize that marriage of either of us could split us apart.

If picking an orientation is a sign of maturity, as you posit, then I shall never become mature. Doc gives the best advice possible. Live life. Sex takes care of itself.

[a.m.h.i.]

Thanks so much both of you. It seems like I'll probably end up being something like you, Brandeye, but I guess I think I'd just feel bad about it. I dunno. I think it's the ultra-Christian parents. But thanks, really. : )

[Brandye]

Religious repression? I was raised in the Outer Hebrides the epicenter of sexual repression.

[katiebug]

This is such a hard question to answer because so many people define their sexuality in so many different ways. I'll give you my own personal definition.

Personally, I consider myself straight. I say this, even though I have also found myself physically attracted to other females. I've never had any sexual experiences with females - but that doesn't mean I'm opposed to it. It's mostly just because of bad timing or no opportunities at a time when I was single and it wouldn't have been considered cheating.

I've never desired to have a romantic relationship with a female. I feel that I could have sex with girls, but that's it. When it comes to thinking about being romantic with someone, I only ever want to experience that with a man. So for me I say I am straight, even if I decide to experiment as some time in my life with another woman. I couldn't see myself having a girlfriend.

[dancingdoc2]

Here is proof that a little bit of knowledge is dangerous.
You are certainly entitled to your belief, Joe; although before you start preaching, please be sure you have your Gospel and your science correct. Enough of this Polly Anna bible-thumping fundalmentalism.