I might be bi-sexual

[Akuma]

This is probably more venting than anything but here goes anyway. Basically I feel I might be a little bit bisexual very unwillingly, however I'm not sure. Right now I have a very loving girlfriend and our relationship is pretty good. I KNOW im attracted to women very much but recently, maybe for like the last year or so, I have noticed that every now and then I see a guy that I'm attracted to. Not necessarily sexually though, this is what confuses me. It seems just like a physical attraction because whenever I think about doing something physical with another male, it makes me shudder. But i dunno, perhaps it will just keep growing as I age?

This is one of the most stressful things I have ever dealt with. I didnt ask for this, my whole life could be changed for something I didnt request or ever want. Lets say I found out for sure I was bisexual, that itself is devastating for me. I dont see how I could keep an open mind...I have nothing wrong with homosexual or bisexual people at all, but for me to be one when I had no say in the matter, it makes me question free will and who I am. As I said before, my girlfriend is there for me whenever I need her and I love her very much. But this one thing could mean the end of us. I would feel like the jack of all trades and master of none, how could I ever settle down with someone to love the rest of my life?

But maybe im not and things will work out, who knows? Thanks for listenin to my crap haha..I love how open minded you guys are here, makes me feel like I have people to talk to about everything..I wish the rest of society could be like that.

[oberon]

Okay, mate, first of all... relax. *

This sentence really stuck out for me:

Originally Posted by [b

Quote[/b] (Akuma @ Jan. 16 2005,18:46)]...but for me to be one when I had no say in the matter...

Do you really think any of us had a choice?? *No one I know woke up one morning and decided to be gay from that day on. *There isn't any choice involved. *You are what you are.

Now, for you, personally. *You don't want to be bisexual? *Well, you may be bisexual, but that doesn't mean you have to act on it. *If you don't want to do anything with another guy, then don't. *No one is going to force you. In your case, you at least have another option.

I will say that if you decide to experiment, then I doubt it's going to destroy your life. *Just be honest with any potential partners and have an open mind. *

It's up to you, though. *It's your life.

[dusenman]

As was said up above, you may be bisexual but you don't have to act on it. I told my self for like 3 years that I wasn't that way, but after a long time of thinking and talking to gay and bi men I said to my self "you know what being bi might not be that bad".... well it's "not that bad" it's just hard to be with someone, cause i can't decided what sex i wanna be with. So i am taking some single time to hopefully find out which sex i would rather be with. I feel that you should tell you g/f the truth, and hopfull she will help you through to your happyness.

[vagabondprince]

if you're still attracted to the opposite sex, and you are in a relationship with a girl you have feelings for, i can't imagine how much being bi can really change anything for you.

when you're in a relationship with someone, but are still drawn to other people, whether you're straight and are just attracted to other girls, or if you're bi and are attracted to other girls and guys, you still have to overcome the temptation to pursue interests in someone else and stay committed to your girlfriend (or if the circumstances ever change, your boyfriend). Just using myself as an example, I am in love with one girl, and want to pursue a relationship with her. But being in college there are so many other girls my age that i feel attracted to. I just have to keep in mind that my love for the one girl needs to be my one focus and forget about pursuing the physical attractions i find for those other girls. Good luck

[girl12]

dont b scared of it. you sound like...ashamed. that is not good. i recently found out i was bi...i didnt say "hey..im going to be bi" it was more of a...."i think im bi" and then it took me a while to come out about it, but its not a bad experience.

[WallyLlama]

There are several points that need to be made:

1. Contrary to a lot of popular thinking, being "bi" does not somehow mean you're a better and more complete person. It is not a goal to strive for and being interested in same sex relationships does not prove open-mindedness.

2. I'm definitely going to be in the minority, but it's my opinion that the feelings you describe of physical attraction are not an indicator that you should go rushing out to experiment. It is possible to have feelings and urges that don't fit your total self-image. The exceptions do not make the rule. People occasionally think sad thoughts, that doesn't make them clinically depressed. People occasionally fantasize about being somebody else, that doesn't make them schizophrenic.

3. You do have the right to make choices. You can choose to focus on your relationship with your girlfriend... a relationship that sounds quite healthy, by the way. Don't "talk yourself into" believing that occasional thoughts and attractions mean you are something or someone you are not and do not want to be, no matter how "fashionable" it sounds or how much encouragement you get.

[Rawbob]

Ok..my turn!

I'll join in where Wally left off:

1) Physical Attraction does NOT make you bi or gay. WHY? Because being gay or bi is NOT about where you put your penis, but where you put your HEART! Many men have come admire other men, even a bit sexually, but yet not act ont their feelings, for example, talk to any friend of yours who's a bodybuilder. He spends most of his life looking at other VERY inshape men, adminring their bodies and being envious of how they look. Some are even passionate about their feelings about body building.

2) It's just in your mind right now. Unless you're not telling us the whole story, you basically found yourself one day looking at a guy and having sexual thoughts about him. Quite frankly, i think 99% of all guys (bi/gay/sr8) have looked at a guy from time to time and wondered how big his cock was, or what he'd look like naked, etc. The real issue is how compelled to you feel to ACT on it!

A few qualifying questions:
1) How old are you
2) Have you ever masturbated with a male friend/family member?
3) What are your sexual fantasies?
4) Are you sexually active with your GF and if so, has your libido changed with her?

I'm a bit concerned over your "epiphany" regarding your "attraction" to men. You say it's not sexual in nature, yet you are worried u are bi. Perhaps you're just over reacting, perhaps you were brought up in a strict religious household and told that finding men attractive is a sin....many of which can cause this stress....but hopefully you can answer the posts here and fill us all in a bit more on what you're really thinking and feeling.

[Tessie]

Very interesting topic actually. Akuma I am sorry you are feeling confused but I wouldn't stress yourself to much.

The number one point that Rawbob made about being sexually attracted to the same sex does not mean you are bi or gay. I am attracted to women and I have had sex with a woman and I know for a fact I am not bi-sexual. I just don't think of women in the same way as I think of a man. For me its just a way to have some extra fun sexually. I could just as easily go the rest of my life and never be with a woman. I could not say the same for me being with a man.

I would also point out that there is no conclusive evidence that your sexual orientation does not involve a choice. I willingly choose to have sex with a woman. It had nothing to do with me genetically. Now with men that is a different matter all together for me. Ask yourself could you go the rest of your life and never want or need to have sex with a woman? Do you feel anything like that for wanting a man?

I also very much agree with what Wally said about it being "fashionable" to be bi-sexual. I belong to a swinger website and at least 90% of the women on there say they are bi-curious. My ass, their men want them to be. That was the main reason I had sex with a woman. Now it worked out for me but I am not out looking to do it with other women. Well except for some online fun I am currently having.

I know a man who is bi-sexual and he really thinks and wants men even though he is happily married and loves women. I also know a couple of married men that have fantasies involving men. They haven't acted on it and it stays strictly in their fantasies where it is safe.

So, I would just give it some time and don't under any means go rushing out to do something unless you are really sure you want to. And if you do give it a try it still won't mean your bi-sexual. Unless it becomes something you truly want to do and it becomes a part of who you are as a person.

[Akuma]

1) How old are you-17 years old
2) Have you ever masturbated with a male friend/family member?-No, and would not
3) What are your sexual fantasies?-All fantasies I have ever had have involved a female or females :-P
4) Are you sexually active with your GF and if so, has your libido changed with her?-We are not having sex yet if thats what you mean by active, but we do other things.

About me saying the attraction wasnt so sexual...I mean that I do not gaze at a guy and think about having sex with him or doing anything physical, I just simply find it attractive you know?(and its very rare) I wanted to know if these are the symptoms of bi tendancies in the making, that is all the information I sought. I just dont see myself ever being with a guy, I just love women. So it simply worried me that I may have been placed on the path without my consent.

But I dunno, its starting to sound to me like I might be a straight guy who just is secure enough to admit he finds another guy "attractive" where someone else would say all men are "ugly." It all goes back to acceptance in society you know? I guess time will tell. I probably was just over reacting, the medication I'm on gets me in certain moods hehe...that was covered in an earlier thread by me where I was concerned about my sex drive if your interested in that. Thanks for the help

[oberon]

Hi Akuma,

Well, only you can ultimately answer the question "bi or not?" but just from what you say, I'm guessing (guessing), not. *

I'm a securely gay male and yet have absolutely no problem saying that there are women that I find attractive. *It doesn't make me straight... or even bi. *It just means I have an opinion regarding the physical beauty of another being.

As for "bisexuality being fashionable"... did I miss something? *It might be true for women... although I think most men like the idea in fantasy, but less in reality. *However, I'm pretty sure that a guy saying he's bisexual is far from the ideal way to look "cool".