Does it make a straight guy "bi" when he...

[Greendale]

....not have actual sex with a real man?

To make my post clearer for better understanding, does it make a straight guy "bi" when he enjoys looking at nude male model pictures and enjoys watching gay porn? In other words, they are attracted to men very secretly and privately but would never ever have actual sex with them?

I don't see how that makes men automattically gay just because they enjoy seeing nude males and watch gay porn and not have sex with them if you know what I mean. I think it just makes them a little "bi-curious". As a private fantasy for them that they would not let the whole world to know.

What makes men gay/bi is having actual sexual relations with the same sex. But fantasizing about them privately doesn't make you gay I don't think. Of course, that's just the way I see it.

I don't know if this topic belongs in this forum but a moderator can feel free to move it to the correct forum if he/she feels that this thread doesn't belong in the "New To Sex" forum.

Feel free to discuss your opinion on this. Thanks. BTW, I'm a new member here, and I do have many questions to get off my chest, but I will make a few new posts at a time, not a lot.

[oberon]

Hi and welcome, Greendale.

Well, I would say that "looking at nude models and gay porn" at least shows bisexual tendancies. *Whether you act on them or not is entirely up to you. *I can certainly understand, what with the current level of intolerance, why bisexuals (men in particular) would not wish to be open about who they are.

But to look at your question from my point of view, I am a gay man. *If I had NEVER had sex with another man, I'd still be a gay man. *So I would say that if a person was aroused by members of the same sex as well as of the opposite sex, it would make them bisexual- whether or not they actually had sex.

What a person decides to do about it is all in their hands. *It IS a dangerous world and if they were going to experiment they should always play safe. *Being careful in whom they confide. *I can only speak from my own experience, but I, personally, wouldn't allow anyone else to decide what is going to make ME happy.

[Greendale]

Good post. Thanks. I guess I am a bit "bi-curious" because I actually do find men beautiful people but I wouldn't let anyone know about it, I would only keep it for myself. It's just my own private fantasy.

[Rawbob]

Time for another gay perspective or 2.

1) Being turned on sexually by finding men sexually attractive and watching gay porn is clearly an INDICATOR! For me, i didn't realize i was gay till 8 years into my marriage. Having bene out for nearly 10 years now and loookign back, whenever i watched str8 porn (never saw gay porn till i was 30 years old)..i was more intersted in the male's cock than the gals pussy or what he was doign to her. I frequently found myself looking at guys in the gym...and not your "basic" glances..it was always "i wonder how big he is." While being "turned on" by seeing guys have sex does not MAKE you gay, it clearly is an indicator.

2) Just an FYI, being gay or str8 is NOT about sex, it's about happieness. It's when you look deep in your heart and look foward into the future..do you see yourself growing old with a man or a woman...it's about partnership, relationships and love. YES, of course, sex and intimacy is a big part of ANY persons sexual reality - but, there are lots of folks who have sex with men and woman, but are really ONLY either str8 or gay.

I was one of those guys who said he was "bi" for a while, but i belive that being bi is a luxury set aside only for those who have the freedom to come and go as they please when it applies to sex..but i belive there are VERY VERY few people who call themselves "bi" will say "it can be a gal or a guy" when they look into their heart and picture the sex of the person they want to spend the rest of their life with.

Being bi is like sexual purgetory...it's a place people go when they are still working out who they are inside....AND that bi is really about the willingness and ability to have sex with men and women....NOT about a true sexual reality. Just my position = cause i've been there.

So, Greedale, do you care to share more about yourself? how old are you, have you had sex with women before, how often do you watch gay porn? When you do j/o, do you fantasize about pussy or cock? What was your childhood upbringing like? (Strict, religious, etc).

Love to know more about you and help in any way i can if you have questions about str8, bi, gay issues.

Bob

[Greendale]

Originally Posted by [b

Quote[/b] (Rawbob @ May 03 2004,06:52)]So, Greendale, do you care to share more about yourself? how old are you, have you had sex with women before, how often do you watch gay porn? When you do j/o, do you fantasize about pussy or cock? What was your childhood upbringing like? (Strict, religious, etc).

Love to know more about you and help in any way i can if you have questions about str8, bi, gay issues.

Bob

I'm 27. I'm a virgin, I've never had sex with either gender. I look at gay porn all the time. I don't rent gay porn from video stores, I only look at it on the internet.

As I said for some reason I love to look at nude men photos and seeing 2 guys giving each other a blowjob has gotten me wondering what it's like to get your cock sucked by another man.

I'm sexually attracted to just people, didn't matter what gender.

I think it all started when I first started working out back in high school like in gyms and stuff and looking through these Muscle Fitness magazines for research on Fitness, seeing all these photos with shirtless muscular men really turned me on, so then later in years I decided to start looking up nude muscular men on the internet and suddenly was even turned on more.

There are actually some guys in my local area who I'm attracted to but they are all straight guys really. I've had friends and family accusing me of being gay in the past but now I'm starting to realize that I'm "bi" since I love women too.

I had a great childhood, was a happy, shy and quiet kid.

[Rawbob]

Hi..thanks for your follow-up posting.

IT IS VERY VERY COMMON for guys who are into body building or sports in general to have an underlying appreciation and attraction to the male form. It also is common for that attraction to include sexual overtones.

Your fantasies about sex with men is also common - tho most guys are too insecure to even consider it.

Your orientation is something you have to come to grips with, and it's unfair for me, or anyone else to "pidgeon-hole" you ...especially since i don't know you.

The fact that you are still a virgin and have no real sexual experience leads me to belive you have alot of issues to ultimatly sort out!

I won't go into all this here..but i'd be happy to correspond with you in private emails!

Bob

[Greendale]

Well since I never had sex, I'm just trying to figure myself out. I'm trying to figure out if I want to either be straight or bi, but since I have an attraction with both sexes, that me a bit "bi-curious".

For some reason, I just love the look of a man's penis and I love the hard physical things of a man's body. A lot of times I like to stand naked in front of a mirror fantasizing about me doing another guy.

In this thread, one guy says that it does make you gay and you're saying that it doesn't. I'm a bit confused. But to each their own, I guess everyone else has a different opinion on it.

But I agree with you, that most all guys fantasize about being with another man being very insecure about it.

[oberon]

Originally Posted by [b

Quote[/b] (Greendale @ May 04 2004,13:34)]In this thread, one guy says that it does make you gay and you're saying that it doesn't. I'm a bit confused. But to each their own, I guess everyone else has a different opinion on it.

Greendale, who said that fantasizing about a man made you gay? Since there are only three of us in here so far, I assume you meant me.

I don't think that's what I said. I said anyone who fantasized about both sexes, would, in my opinion, be bisexual- NOT gay. I believe that bisexuals truly don't care so much about the plumbing- they are more interested in the person(ality).

Sorry if I wasn't clear enough.

[Greendale]

But if I happen to decide to try having sex with a man one day, it would be for sex only, it wouldn't be a serious relationship. The sex male partner would have to promise me and say a bunch of oaths to not tell anyone so the whole public wouldn't know. If I was to have sex with a man, it would be for my own secret private thing and would only keep it for myself.

I hear a lot of gay/bisexual men just have sexual and lusty fun only, nothing more.

I would only have a serious relationship with a woman.

[demonbuttercup]

never say never
i mean how do you know that once you did have sex w/ a man that it was what made you happy and you felt feelings for him. nothing wrong w/ that.
just try to keep your options open and not force yourself into a lifestyle that isn't you.