Ever wanted to ask a gay person a question..

[sera300]

Hey DVD..my gay male friends are not my token gay friends, and it's not that it's a safety thing either. First they are my best friends and wonderful people...they KNOW how to dress and are not afraid to tell you your outfit or your hair looks like hell. When we hang out at a bar they spot the hottest guys, and I run my dates past them...they have better judgment then I have. My girlfriends and straight male friends just try to make me feel better when I am down, they point out the truth. They have better intuition...

[madeye]

it does make sense that a gay man would have slightly better intuition about men considering sex being such an intimate vulnerable experience. and as wierd as it sounds that a girl would have her gay friend judge a straight mans character i guess no one can blame you for using the resources available.


I guess my annoyance is kind of the idea that a women would bond and trust a gay male before she would willingly do so with me.

I guess its the backlash of how many men consistently make advances on every women they meet. so i think its naive for a women to deny the fact that they would rather befriend a gay man than a straight man. I really believe and understand why that would happen.

another question along the lines of this would be:

"how likely is it that females start to fall for their gay friend and maybe even make a move on you"

I wonder cause i study a lot on attraction and a major part of attraction with a women is physical playful flirting. And it seems as though there are no men better at this than a gay guy. So i wonder how likely it is for a women to try and cross those lines? even playing on the idea of "want what you cant have" theory

Its funny how popular a movie like "chasing aimy" is, and trying to picture a movie with the opposite scenario and wonder if it would be just as accepted as a realistic story. (for all who dont know chasing aimy is about a lesbian falling in love with a straight man)

[sera300]

Madeye:

As far as your annoyance issue; it's not that I don't bond as closely w/my straight male friends. What makes that particular relationship most difficult is my straight male friends girlfriends make it near impossible to maintain a close relationship b/c of jealousy. Last year for Valentine's day, my friend John (his boyfriend had to work) and my boyfriend was traveling; so we went out for a nice dinner together. Now if that was any of my straight male friends they would not have gone w/me. Their girlfriends would have not allowed it. In maintaining a strong relationship w/my straight male friends--I outlast the current girl but our friendship fades while they are involved. Whereas, with my gay male friends, after I meet their partner or new bf they incorporate me as a mutual friend in their relationship. If they split, I tend to stay friends w/both; my straight friends their ex-gf ends all contact w/me! The same is true w/my gay gf's...once I meet their new partner & get to know her there is no jealousy. I don't really understand it (why my straight friends have so much trouble--maybe they need to learn about relationships from the other's).

As far as crossing the line, I would never do this to either a straight or gay friend. I value these friendships so much, it would never be fair since they are long and very trusted friendships (20 years) and stuck w/me through so much. If I have a FWB, it's a mutually agreed to relationship not one where I pushed the friendship beyond what it was. It was a friendship where mutual attraction was really there and the question of to try a bit more was always debateable. My gay male friends are in relationhips which are strictly w/other men, although a few did have a long term relationship or marriage (w/female) prior to their current relationships but were not satisfied. So, that has never been a possibility. If I hit on them they would prob. die laughing at me!!!

Dynamics of relationships! It's crazy.

[madeye]

nice reply sera, very nicely said.

I really didnt even think of the straight male with gf perspective. You are absolutely correct.

I have had issues with becoming best friends with a women that started out as sex and became best friends when the sex ended, i came to the conclusion neither of us could maintain such a close bond and expect to move on to other serious relationships.

and I want to add a side note on this gay straight friendship dynamic.

My gf was under the impression that cause her friend is gay its not a big deal to get crazy on the dance floor with him. She found a very angry boyfriend who later told her otherwise.

Just cause your sexual agenda does not include my gf does not mean its ok for you to act like your a britney spears back up dancer with her. and i threw my lady under that bus of how disrespectful and classless that is to do.

Im also not one of those bfs who think its ok for my lady to make out with other women at partys/bars

[sera300]

I can understand your view about your gf's behavior! I can understand being upset w/her!

The FWB thing here was generally men who I had a good friendship w/and for some reason (one of us was involved w/someone) we did not explore beyond just being friends. Then when we found we were both "free" and in some need of attention, it took off from there & always realizing it would be nothing more. But it always went back to just friends b/c that is all we really were, just attracted to each other. Neither my male or female friends who are gay, are attracted to me, so that was never an issue.

But one of my gf's who's gay dates quite a bit, and I have the opportunity to meet her latest. Now that is an interesting dynamic, I get the evil look from the new girlfriend for a while until she realizes there is nothing going on, I am straight, and not intruding on her relationship!

To generalize, I believe women (gay or straight) are more jealous then men. Someone will prob. shoot me down on this one, but it's what I have found. So, I believe this is why my friendships w/my gay male friends is much easier!

[madeye]

you know im saying this half heartedly joking

but by your post your coming to the conclusion that gay or straight women are a pain in the ass.

just kidding

Yeah the thing wit my gf is she is just graduating from a party college last year so she has lived a crazy lifestyle. And well i been out of that much longer. i been open since we met thats not what im looking for, so i hope she can keep this in mind in the future and be a bit classier with her friends.

The other thing i dont understand is straight women kissing straight women, yeah sure if your single thats always a good reason to have a group of people get all rowdy about two drunk hotties making out at a bar/party, but seriously if your that womens boyfriend i just dont see that would be tolerated in a committed relationship. women can say "its not sexual" you can think that all you want but by my definition tongues+mouths+moving hands=sexual.

Its just odd how some women think it doesn't count as cheating or insulting to the bfs status.

[sera300]

I have not encountered two straight women kissing, other then a good bye hug & peck on the cheek. Out in a bar? The only place I have seen women kissing women is when my gay gf's took me to a gay bar. I go w/them b/c fair is fair. If we can meet up at a bar where men & women are kissing, hitting on each other and they can tolerate that, I can do the same for them. But that sounds kind "different" to me w/your girlfriend, sure she's not bi?

[madeye]

yeah she is bi. she told me that right away.

She likes to make out with other women but she doesnt like the sex with women so her relationship interest is with men, im glad to say.

Mostly its a house party theme (hs/college type). alot of younger women do this while drunk these days. All the guys take pictures everyone screams and laughs. I have pictures or vids of 3 different couples of straight(bi) female friends making out. and most of these women who do this have bfs and its not considered cheating. some kind of special women loop hole privelage.....well not in my world it is but hey to each their own i guess

[oberon]

DVD and Madeye... I DO understand the importance of "Brokeback" and the impact that it had in mainstream media. I guess I just find it a little annoying that there are better gay movies and portrayals out there but because they didn't have big name stars and massive hype, they weren't seen by the masses. As Harvey Firestein said, though... "This is America and if it don't make money... it don't count." I also had a few plot/continuity issues with "Brokeback".. but that's just me being pedantic. LOL.

DVD... I think you'll really like "Big Eden". If you are at all sappy (personally, I cry at the silliest movies *groan*), you'll find it a wonderful movie. It's basically a romantic comedy... and just a romantic comedy. No camp. No cliches. The closest thing to a cliche is the main character's dread of telling his grandfather he's gay... but even that is handled better than in most movies. Oh... and I LOVE the townspeople! There are some great characters! You'll have to let me know what you think of it.

On the subject of the straight girl/gay guy friendship thing... I think part of the bonding is the fact that we have similar experiences. Gay men- I believe- experience both sides of the... for want of better wording... dominant/submissive roles of relationships. For one thing, straight men are usually the pursuers. They don't generally experience being "hunted"...LOL. There is also a matter of trust in going off with someone that is potentially dangerous. It may be somewhat of a generalization, but they would have the upper hand in a dangerous situition. Women and gay men have to- or should- assess the risks more carefully.

And yes... female friends do occasionally fall for us. It can be trying for both sides. There are one of two outcomes... that she either gets over it or they dissolve the friendship.

[anony1]

I have a question. I am a heterosexual woman, married with kids, and up to now have never felt attracted to other women. However, there is this woman who i greatly admire and resonate with or to use a well-worn cliche who could be a soul-mate of sorts. Another friend teased me about being infatuated with this woman (without any sexual inuendo). And though i would never admit it to anyone, it's actually how i feel around her, like i used to feel around guys i was intersted in. This woman is gay. I have actually had fantasies around what would happen if... and am not sure what i feel. Has this ever happened to anyone? Am i mixing/confusing emotions? Is it possible???