Ever wanted to ask a gay person a question..

[Lovelyand18]

Why does it seem like more men marry woman and find out they are gay then woman do?

[Lovelyand18]

One more, I consider my self a bisexual woman. Although I have never been able to take a relationship with a woman seriously. I defiantly like to have sex with woman and have. I find them really beautiful and tend to look at woman more during porn. My question to you is, do you think that is considered bisexual?

[oberon]

Hi Lovely,

I don't really think that more men than women marry and then finally decide to deal with being gay. I think it just seems that way because the men tend to get more press. It seems to be a bigger deal to be a gay man than to be a lesbian (probably because straight men find lesbians- at least the idea of lesbians- interesting).

As for your own bisexual relationships... I've discussed before my definitions of gay, straight and bisexual- and I won't bore anyone with them again. I think "bisexual" actually covers a lot of ground. It may just be that you are only sexually attracted to women, but find more emotional/romantic stability in a heterosexual relationship. Or- who knows??- you just may not have met the right woman for a serious relationship.

In any light- by MY definition- if you are seeking out any kind of sexual and/or romantic relationship with members of both sexes then you are bisexual.

[madeye]

Ok i have a question

My gfs cousin is gay and is her best friend. so i have really gotten to have my first experience of getting to know a gay guy.

and im so utterly disappointed

I think he falls under the category of the newly outed gay guy.

cause i hate to sound like a jack ass but he is to gay for his own good.

you know when someone is just so obsessed with something that its the only thing they talk about or think about. Im watching a stand up comedy special and all this cat did was find reasons why a performer was probably gay. He talked about fashion, he talked about gay clubs, he talked about what men are hot and what men are not, and then were at a bar and two of my female friends walk up to say hi to me and i introduce them to us. when my female friends walked away he gave an ugly face and with the most flamboyant voice physically POSSIBLE he announced "FASHION POLICE"


Im not judging the rest of the gay community by this one example. I find its unfortunate that he has to act this way cause i really was genuinely interested in getting to know him and well it turns out all i had to do is watch "will and grace"

my question is: "how do some of you feel towards this kind of overly cliche gay persona"

I guess im just wondering what some thoughts are about the whole "cliche gay guy image" do you feel your community is stronger by these examples of men who want to exemplify their sexuality to the most obvious extreme. or do you think a much less cliche more everyday average guy attitude who just finds men attractive instead of women is a better example.

[madeye]

Originally Posted by Lovelyand18

One more, I consider my self a bisexual woman. Although I have never been able to take a relationship with a woman seriously. I defiantly like to have sex with woman and have. I find them really beautiful and tend to look at woman more during porn. My question to you is, do you think that is considered bisexual?

my gf has felt the same way, she has had sex with a women once. but it wasnt a good experience for her.

She still finds women attractive, and she gets turned on by watching "the L word" and yet im glad to report she is very happily involved with me. For her it was more about falling for who a person is and not what private parts they got. she just didnt want to be close minded to any opportunities of finding a great relationship

there is some kind of sexuality scale that goes from 1-10. they describe each number and its a good way eliviate any sexual confusion if you can find enough relative information associated to a number than you have some grounds and comparrison to how you kind of fit in. odviously life isn't as simple as a 1-10 scale but if you need a little extra clarification it may help... google for it

[DVDBear]

Originally Posted by madeye

my question is: "how do some of you feel towards this kind of overly cliche gay persona"

I guess im just wondering what some thoughts are about the whole "cliche gay guy image" do you feel your community is stronger by these examples of men who want to exemplify their sexuality to the most obvious extreme. or do you think a much less cliche more everyday average guy attitude who just finds men attractive instead of women is a better example.

I know what you're saying and I definitely wish it were more of the latter, but the situation's getting better. There's been a number of films where a charecter just happens to be gay but is not defined by cliched charecteristics. I think BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN was an important film in that regard . . . two men who are "straight" in every other way except their love and sexuality for each other.

For so many years it was taboo to have a gay charecter at all in mainstream movies or tv, then it was all right if it was a funny stereotype. Now it's working toward a more balanced representation. It'll take time but it's getting there.

As for the guy you were describing, there's no denying a lot of gay men are like that, but there's also every other stripe as well. I still think the majority of us fall into the "wouldn't know we were unless we told you" camp.

[oberon]

Originally Posted by madeye

my question is: "how do some of you feel towards this kind of overly cliche gay persona"

To answer your question... Sometimes, very tired. However, I think I can add to what DVD says with a theory of my own. Pardon me while I go all Rod Serling.... Imagine if you will...

That you grow up never really feeling as if you fit in. You just don't seem to like the same things that all the guys around you profess to like. Even if you like sports, cars or other "masculine" interests, you never really feel like part of the group. Then...

You find a group where you are free to completely express yourself. You really feel for the first time as if you are allowed to be who you really are. Wouldn't you do the things that would make you more a part of the group? Even if you don't knowingly change, you tend to emulate those around you.

Now, gay culture has a long history of "camp". It comes from not being able to publicly discuss your relationships (hence the pronoun changes). It also comes from wanting to distance yourself from being straight. To quote the tired old slogan... "I'm here! I'm queer! Get used to it!" It's that in your face attitude.

While I don't share his glowing admiration for "Brokeback Mountain", I think DVDBear is correct in that we are beginning to see this change. As gay men have more role models and less need to hide who they are, there is less need for the "flaming queen" personas. Something some of us refused to go along with anyway... LOL. (Yes, I CAN camp... but I can also TURN IT OFF! )

Just as a sidenote (on the movie topic)... If you want to see a great "gay" movie, then I suggest "Big Eden". It stars Arye Gross and is wonderfully cliche-free as well as just a darn good movie.

[DVDBear]

Originally Posted by oberon

While I don't share his glowing admiration for "Brokeback Mountain", I think DVDBear is correct in that we are beginning to see this change. As gay men have more role models and less need to hide who they are, there is less need for the "flaming queen" personas. Something some of us refused to go along with anyway... LOL. (Yes, I CAN camp... but I can also TURN IT OFF! )

Just as a sidenote (on the movie topic)... If you want to see a great "gay" movie, then I suggest "Big Eden". It stars Arye Gross and is wonderfully cliche-free as well as just a darn good movie.

Hey, I don't flame and I don't "glow!" Although I personally liked BROKEBACK I was mainly referring to it's impact on society at large. It was a hit mainstream movie that didn't get marginalized as a "gay film" and relegated to art house showings. I've talked to many people who seem to have a more nuanced perception of what being "gay" is about after having seen it. I haven't seen BIG EDEN, but it's going into my Netflix queue. It very well might be the better film but didn't reach the masses like BROKEBACK.

[madeye]

I really liked the way six feet under does a great job of showing that yes these two guys are different cause they are gay. and yet they still made sure the sexuality didnt define who they were. Cause even though they have a different sexuality i was able to see personality traits that i can relate to and connected with. after 5 seasons of the show i cared about them as much as much as any straight couple on the show.

so i really think that has helped the gay male image i have, really thats all i got to go on right now.

Brokeback mountain was a great movie. and a good example of a media gay reality check.

but i cant help but notice now that every single romance comedy includes the lead female role to having an uber flamboyant gay best friend who usually works in the fashion industry.

And i also get a sense from my sister and gf that they almost enjoy gay people for the novelty of it and not as much for the people who they are past the sexuality. i get a sense of "oh my god i have to become friends with the gay guy"

it just seems like society is at a weird transition about all of this. yeah its great that people are starting to accept the evolutionary shift of human nature. But as good as that change is to the way it was before i cant think your happy having all this fan-girls surrounding befriending you for the novelty of it instead of for who you are as a person.

[DVDBear]

I know what you're referring to but can't say I've experienced it personally. I have a number of girl friends, but half I would say are lesbians and the other half have known me for years - many long before I came out. I've never had someone try to befriend me for "novelty" value. LOL "Hi everyone! I want you to meet my token gay friend!"

I've been told many times there's also the "safety factor" with women to have gay male friends. They can trust them not to have alternative motives for their friendship. I can kinda see that.