Ever wanted to ask a gay person a question..

[DVDBear]

LOL!! Thanks!

[machine_rat]

Several years ago a good friend of mine who came out, I wasn't angry or disappointed... I was just a little surprised because I never would have guessed. Almost immediatly after that his personality changed along with his interests. It was depressing how quickly we grew apart after that, considering we were pretty close friends for years.

My question is that is that while feigning the hetero life, do gay people tend to hide a lot more than just their sexual preferences, like other little things they find appealing? Or is there a need to reinvent themselves?

[DVDBear]

Originally Posted by machine_rat

My question is that is that while feigning the hetero life, do gay people tend to hide a lot more than just their sexual preferences, like other little things they find appealing? Or is there a need to reinvent themselves?

Sometimes it can be one or the other or both, Machine. When someone comes out a lot of things open up to them, not just sexually. He has probably met a lot of gay people and found the freedom of being able to express himself in ways he couldn't before very compelling. He might be exploring bars, clubs, groups and other activities he wouldn't allow himself to in the past. It's a complicated process and stirs up all kinds of self examination that can change a person's perspective on his past environment and circle of friends.

I can't comment on your friend, but I know for myself I drifted away from some people, stayed close with others. I had found situations where the relationship was based on needs that weren't being met in ways they would have if I had been out. Those I sort of let fall apart.

But also people move on, and maybe it was coincidental timing. You two may have drifted apart even if he had stayed closeted. Coming out doesn't so much change you as make you more honest with yourself about who you really are.

Hope this helps.

[machine_rat]

Thanks, that confirms some of the things that I had considered.

At the very bottom of my 'reasons' list was a belief that he shunned me because he would never have me.

[chibacochoke]

i recently came out as bisexual to a few close friends, none of my close girl friends though (still workin on that).

it's odd how when you allow yourself to feel what's always been there you start to think your friends are pretty cute. it made me look at a girl friend of mine in a whole new light. she's so damn cute!

that being said, i do feel both refreshed and empowered and terrified and alone all at the same time. it's the craziest thing i've ever admitted to.

i'm still shaky cause it was so recent, but a german exchange student named martina i met at a party made it all worth it.

[shaved bi]

Welcome to the bisexual world! I have been a bisexual nudist for many years and love it. Being bi, you get the best of both worlds.

[Lost one]

Okay I got three questions I really would like to ask a gay person.

1. Do you think that gay people can turn straight or straight people can turn gay? I'm not talking Bi, I'm talking a real conversion.


2. I admit I envy gay people in the way it seems easy for them to hook up as compared to straight people. Is what I think true? Why does it seem that while heterosexuality is 'thought' to be normal, men and women aren't always getting it on and its complicated to spark attraction. Why does gay relations seem easier then the straight ones?


3. I have been asked out by a gay man! Why did he assume I was gay? My friend says I looked gay once too. What the hell does that mean?

[DVDBear]

Originally Posted by Lost one

Okay I got three questions I really would like to ask a gay person.

1. Do you think that gay people can turn straight or straight people can turn gay? I'm not talking Bi, I'm talking a real conversion.


2. I admit I envy gay people in the way it seems easy for them to hook up as compared to straight people. Is what I think true? Why does it seem that while heterosexuality is 'thought' to be normal, men and women aren't always getting it on and its complicated to spark attraction. Why does gay relations seem easier then the straight ones?


3. I have been asked out by a gay man! Why did he assume I was gay? My friend says I looked gay once too. What the hell does that mean?

1. No. You can choose not to act on your orientation and therefore not "be" gay in the sense you won't be performing same-sex acts and suppressing any urges of finding other men (or women for women) attractive in a sexual way. You might even be able to perform in a relationship with a member of the opposite sex. But you'll still be gay, and that suppression will find another (and usually ugly) way out. Larry Craig or Ted Haggert anyone?

2. I don't know if that's necessarily true. You have to be careful of generalities. However, I think those that look for casual sex don't have much trouble finding it. Why? Gay or not, men think like men. We tend to be more primal when it comes to sex and can get into the "scratch the itch" mode with another guy just for release. But when it comes to actual relationships I don't know that it's any easier. Relationships of any kind take work.

3. "Gaydar" aside, he probably picked up on something you said or did that made him think there was at least a chance you might be interested. What that was I have no idea. Ask your friend what he thought looked gay about you. In the meantime, want a date?

[Lost one]

Thanks DVDBear. In reply to 3, I think I do try to look pretty even though its not 'macho' to think that way. Straight men want to look like pigs, but I don't. I would love to be a good looking man and i will admit it. I lost a lot weight and built muscle. I got work with an odd looking, blemish scared body and face though

Even though its to look better and hopefully attract women, most men do not care to look good and be clean. This must be the trait that makes me look gay. Ill even admit to using skin medicines, moisturizers and other things to heal or cover up things. Not something most heterosexual men would do or certainly admit to! I feel better about myself if I look better then compared to the days I don't.

No, I don't want a gay date , but if a gay man hits on me I don't run away like other men might. It's kind of a complement to get hit on no matter what the gender.

[DVDBear]

You're probably right that's what others who think you might be gay are picking up on, but again it's a stereotype that all gay guys are narcissistic body obsessed dudes with designer wardrobes. My nick refers to the "bear" subculture of queer society which tends to be big hairy guys who, besides their orientation sort of fit the "average slob" type of man. We come in all shapes and sizes just like everyone else.

And another reason you probably got asked is he might have picked up on your relaxed non-homophobic persona. He figured it was worth a shot and even if you declined he wasn't going to get punched out. If only everyone had your reasonable viewpoint . . .