Hey gang,
Long-time reader and fan here, so I figured I'd start by saying I love this site.
Delving into the real meat of the issues is as follows:
I'm turning 25 this September, and my boyfriend (who lives in Texas and I in NY state) is 19. He and I met online, and have been seeing each other for a while now. We've shared photos, we talk on Mumble all the time, and we play World of Warcraft together as well as various other things to keep our 'relationship' going. I quote relationship because while we *are* exclusive, we have yet to make a physical connection.
I care very, very deeply about him, and I respect his morals, his limits, and his boundaries. I am constantly, and consistently telling (and showing however I can) that I will never, could not ever, and simply cannot push against those things. I would never pressure him into being sexually active with me if he comes to visit, or vice versa. We share a very quid pro quo relationship--however; the topic has recently emerged, and he has expressed that he is willing to consent to sexual acts/behaviour with me. My worries are:
1. My size. I have been on medication, and undergone surgeries that have made me gain weight (slowing activity, and such) and I'm a heavier girl. He claims this won't bother him, but for me, it's terrifying because I don't want him thinking poorly of me. He knows what I look like (with the exception of being nude) and he says he loves me for me. Don't get me wrong--I believe him, but you know how girlish insecurity comes into play. I don't want to hurt him physically. I'm 5' 6" or so and around 270-80 lbs; this, for me, is a serious issue. I am incredibly insecure about the way I look.
2. Since it would be his first time having sexual intimacy with a woman, I'd like to make it special, and memorable for him. I want nothing but his complete and utter comfort, as well as peace of mind. I don't want sex to be something that it is to most teenaged men (and he defies each and every stereotype there is, believe me) to be how he comes to view it because of me. I'm a grown woman, and I have enough experience to gently guide him, teach him, and please him in multiple ways. I just want this experience for him to be good.
So why am *I* so nervous? I should be elated that he's chosen me to give his, what he calls "V-Card", to.. and I am. But, I worry about him, his thoughts and emotions and feelings on the subject. We've spoken about it, but it usually ends with,
"I won't push you".
"I know".
Anyone have any words of wisdom?
Thanks for joining in for real.
I suggest reading the article on "experience" that can be found in my section of the Index.
Second, know that first time intercourse regardless of physique often is a fumbling act to some extent as the people work things out.
When desire overcomes fear, he will be ready--not until.
Are you interested in losing weight? If so, I have two recommendations; first, check out the "17 Day Diet". The book and an exercise CD are available on line and from major booksellers, plus Amazon. They are about $15.00, each; second is Dr. Phil McGraw's book on weight loss and it's companion book. I have used the latter, and the other comes highly recommended by "The Doctors" TV show as well as Dr. Phil. Both plans take unique approaches to weight loss. You can Google both for more info.
I hope this is of help. Got questions?
First time meetings from online relationships are always nerve wracking. It's normal to feel nervous about actually seeing him face to face for the first time. When my husband and I had our first meet up after months of online, I was on edge all morning. Then it was actually funny, we approached each other unsure whether to hug or shake hands LOL
We are always our own worst critic, and we always think we look worse than we do. Especially in this Barbie-obsessed world. If you do choose to take action regarding your weight, since there's no specific date for a meeting, one can assume you have time to do so. If the weight gain is partly due to a medical condition, and that condition persists, I would talk with your doctor about whatever method you choose. It's prudent to keep the doctor in the loop and let them advise you toward or against anything based on how it could interact with your condition.
First times are memorable because they're the first. Don't be overly worried about choreographing something "special". By its very nature, it will be. One tip from personal experience though--if you can avoid it, don't make it the very last thing before one of you gets on a plane. T's first time, I had to board a bus 6 hours later to go back home 3 hours away. And if memory serves, he had to go to work for a few of those 6 hours. That affected us both a little afterward, made it feel a little "slam bam...", but sometimes you just can't plan these things.