My boyfriend and I are both in college, and I've been sexually active for almost four years while he is still a virgin. We've been together a while now and I can tell he's really nervous and intimidated by the fact that I am more sexually experienced than he is. Despite this, he's been getting a lot more relaxed and we've been doing some heavy fooling around with handjobs and oral sex. The only thing is that he never cums.... ever. I think he's really embarrassed by it so we never really talk about it, but he says he defiantly want to go further. Do I hope for the best or keep taking it slow? How do I go about talking to him about this if it continues to be a problem?
Mon, 03/05/2007 - 09:11
#1
He's new to sex and I'm not
Has he really given himself permission to enjoy sex? Ask him. Is his ego so tender that he cannot handle a sexually experienced woman and is this holding him back? Ask him that too. You can deal with this situation in two ways, either you can go slow and be nice to him about it, or you can confront him and tease him to the point where he'll just get all aggresive and prove himself. Your choice. Whcich is it to be? The talking late into the night - or a lapdance?
If he's still a virgin, then maybe he masturbates a lot. If that's the case, maybe he's so used to getting himself off, that he has desensitized himself to any other way. Are you jerking him off the way you know how to do it, or the way he tells you to do it? It takes me a REALLY long time to get off when a woman is giving me a hand job. Ask him to show you how he likes it, and then copy the motion. And if you are taking the bj's slow, then speed them up. Or try more pressure.
[QUOTE=buttercake;169515]My boyfriend and I are both in college, and I've been sexually active for almost four years while he is still a virgin. We've been together a while now and I can tell he's really nervous and intimidated by the fact that I am more sexually experienced than he is. Despite this, he's been getting a lot more relaxed and we've been doing some heavy fooling around with handjobs and oral sex. The only thing is that he never cums.... ever. I think he's really embarrassed by it so we never really talk about it, but he says he defiantly want to go further. Do I hope for the best or keep taking it slow? How do I go about talking to him about this if it continues to be a problem?[/QUOTE]
I'm relatively new to sex as well. I have the same problem as your boyfriend. I simple cannot cum from a handjob or oral. I guess you could say it does nothing for me. The biggest thing is communication though, ask him what feels good and go with that. And you should talk to him about it, surely if you guys want to have sex you can talk about it.
Thanks for the feedback!
[QUOTE=wetwilly;169610]I'm relatively new to sex as well. I have the same problem as your boyfriend. I simple cannot cum from a handjob or oral. I guess you could say it does nothing for me. The biggest thing is communication though, ask him what feels good and go with that. And you should talk to him about it, surely if you guys want to have sex you can talk about it.[/QUOTE]
I had the same problem. You have too learn too enjoy it and stop thinking about it. Let them do what they have too and everyone will be happy.:D
Dear Buttercake, cjb1981, wetwilly, Mavrick420, and, everyone else reading this who is in a similar predicament.
The following Sticky posts were written to address and help you overcome the problem of not being able to achieve a climax when turning the reins over to your lover. It is one thing to be able to masturbate easily and quite another to have these sensations applied by another person's hands.
How Do I Get Him/Her to Orgasm From a Hand/Blow Job?
and, reading the third post in this thread and then the first one (even though you are not yet having intercourse) here:
INTERCOURSE / ORGASMS / and the gentle art of Humping
> I can tell he's really nervous and intimidated by the fact that I am more sexually experienced than he is. Despite this, he's been getting a lot more relaxed and we've been doing some heavy fooling around with handjobs and oral sex.
The very nature of fooling around and venturing farther as you move around the proverbial "bases" is just how each of us becomes more and more comfortable with intimacy. Please understand that experience equates to knowledge, not skill. Regardless of experience, each time a new partnership is formed there is going to be a new Square One from which to begin. It is important that both parties know and understand these two factors.
The two of you have individual likes, dislikes, preferences, quirks, moral values, hangups, troubles with this or that as well as finding one or more activies much to your liking. Discovering these things, working through any problem areas, and learning to become proficient as a team are all unique to the two of you and have little bearing on past compatibility with someone else.
I've said this time and again and it is worth repeating: Making love is not what we do to each other; rather, what we do with and for each other. The relationship is a partnership and a team effort. So, your boyfriend should find comfort in knowing that what you two do together is a first for both of you.
I hope these will be of help. Questions, anyone?