OH! Kitt, your concern is very valid, yet I urge you to take control and slow down--way down. Unless you only want someone to help you get your rocks off at the expense of any real relationship, I recommend that you learn the how-to's of dating and making out, first, and foremost. There are several articles in the Index that discuss kissing, making out, foreplay, and, eventually--beyond. Please read them and take the information to heart. Take a few months to get to know the girl before thinking about intercourse. In the meantime you can have a great time Necking, Petting, Heavy Petting, and eventually foreplay. (BTW, orgasms from oral and/or a h/j are often more intense than from intercourse. Intercourse is more about the psyches.)

Now, to answer your question: The Woman Superior or "Cowgirl" position is generally regarded as the best position for the first time or two. Here's why:
* The position places the woman in control
+ She knows where P and V are and can deftly bring the two together saving the man some angst
* She can position the head of the penis between the hymen and vaginal wall
+ and can apply just the right amount of pressure
+ and at just the right angle
* She determines the depth of penetration
+ the rate of stroking

You can support her as she positions herself above your torso and also keep her breasts from bouncing around too much. Have a look at the cowgirl animated illustrations on the Home page.

There is more information you should know before having intercourse, so scan the list of articles and read the information in these, also.

I hope this is of help. Got questions?

Kitt,

You seem to be giving us lots of hypotheiticals. Why not find a girl friend, share some exploration and then ask what the two of you need to learn?

I have two suggestions, Kitt,
First, please slow down enough in the future to add punctuation to your writing. It is darn hard to read a run on paragraph and decipher your concerns.

Second, about PE, please familiarize yourself with the Index found at the top of the main screen. It contains links to helpful informative insightful, as well as how-to articles on a myriad of subjects, including Premature Ejaculation and how to fix it. I recommend reading thru the Index and looking for pertinent answers before posting. If, after doing some "homework" you have questions, please do not hesitate to ask. We are here to help.

The article on PE describes two methods. The Squeeze technique works well when there is an immediate need to squelch the sense of urgency. The exercise requires two people (you and a partner) in order to train your brain to recognize when you are nearing the point of no return, yet have control left to to pause; and, can jog your conscious mind to act.

Got questions?

Kitt, if you would like to tell us about the "hurt", perhaps one or more of us can give you some ideas to get past it, or at least put it into perspective.

How old are you?

You've been bullied all through school - and you did nothing to stop it?
Why is that? Well, you're out of school now and the world is a lot tougher so you'd better figure out how to tell people to get lost quick.

Now then, being all weak is NOT going to get you the quality girl/woman. If you're weak, how can she rely upon you when she needs you? You talk a lot about your feelings and shutting her out from them - that's the kiss of death to any relationship but you do not want to be revealing every last detail right away. You have to appear strong and open up to her later.

Trust? Sorry, that has to be earned - hence the not opening up right away.

But I will tell you one thing: people will take you at your word - what you appear is what you will be in their eyes - so pretend to be a TIGER.

Man or Mouse?

BTW - MOST younger men have PE and most older men have ED - so there. It happens to EVERY male. You're not alone.

My point is stop worrying about being hurt - it will happen from time to time so worrying is a waste. Just go for it regardless.

May The Devil take the hindmost!!!

> THIS IS WHY I CANNOT TRUST people or find it verry difficult

We had a discussion a few days ago on the issue of trust. I beg to differ with your reasons for not being able to trust. Here is why: In order for a new relationship to get off the ground and moving along a certain amount of initial trust must be given. If not the relationship will be stagnant; suspicions will abound.

Once a relationship gets underway trust is then earned as a result of words and deeds kept. If and when trust is ever broken it is darn hard if not impossible for it to be reestablished. For it to happen it is necessary for a man especially, or the woman, depending upon who broke the trust to listen to the other person and understand what how the transgression affected her/his life. To rebuild trust the person must live a transparent life until.... Until could be several months, a few years, or forever, depending.

In your case, it seems clear to me that you are afraid to trust yourself to trust, again. Every time we enter into a new relationship regardless of the past, we must always begin the same way, as outlined, above. I understand that your confidence may have taken a hit or that the trust was broken; however, this should not have any relevance with the next relationship. That said, get out there and begin dating. Each relationship is new and unique and you must not bring old issues to the new relationships or dwell upon them.

If you have read what I have had to say about dating then you know others and I recommend dating lots of different people over the years in order to be better able to recognize when Mr./Ms. Right enters our life. It is inadvisable to begin and end with the first warm body who expresses an interest in us. This being the way the world should work, some dates will be brief, some much longer, and a very few long term. If we experience difficulties with one or more along the line, we cannot let their issues prevent us from moving on with someone new, and beginning the process all over again--and again, etc.

> i have never told anybody about my "problems in the bedroom"

You have very little experience and are being this hard on the abilities you've acquired so far. Kitt, get real. Everybody has problems from time to time. When you are just beginning this journey, it is a learning process and the process changes a bit each time you have a new partner. There is an article on experience in the Index, also. Here's a tip: Becoming a great lover takes knowledge and work. Being a great lover has more to do with mental and emotional methodology rather than physical technique. Every couple should enter into a cooperative partnership, explore and learn together. I tell my students that it is not that you might make a mistake, it is more important how you recover and go on. If you worry about making mistakes, you will. If you make a scene when something doesn't go as planned, you become your own worst enemy. Girls are very forgiving and understand that you are learning and more importantly "we are" learning together. Place your ego in the side pocket so to speak and just have fun, mistakes and all.

Unless there is something you are not telling us and not knowing any more than you have shared, you do not need counseling and can fix yourself by simply stepping up to the plate with nothing more that the information we have provided, a desire to succeed, a willingness to begin implementing our suggestions, and, changing your mindset. You can cure yourself.

I fell out of bed. Vomited on a fellow while doing fellatio. Punched some poor man in the eye when I rolled over in bed. Ejaculated in another man's eye during cunnilingus. Hit my head while riding some man. Tried to have sex while wearing a tampon.

Trust me, buddy - we've ALL messed up somewhere and somehow when it comes to sex. One woman, a true sex goddess, I know once said:

"fumbling around in the dark for my vibrator counts as foreplay, doesn't it?"

Get her to sit on the edge of the bed or even a couch and do it that way
You will be both faceing each other, and there will no uncessary stress...
You will be able to see by her facial exspression what is working and whats not