I have recently started dating someone new. We're sexually active, and he wants to help me reach orgasm extremely bad. I've never reached orgasm before. Every time he tries to help me, we're unsuccessful, and I can tell that it almost hurts him. I just don't want him to think that he sucks at arousing me, because everything about our sex life is amazing other than that one little fact. I really hate seeing him upset about not being able to help me out in the orgasm area, and I refuse to fake it just to make him feel better about it because then we're not going to get anywhere.
I understand that there are probably quite a few threads about this, but I just can't seem to find specific answers to my questions.
First of all, what should I do to help achieve this? Are there any tips or anything that I can tell him to help?
If you can't even reach orgasm on your own, how the hell do you expect him to be able to do it for you? Learn how to masturbate...
I recently went through something similar with my gf who never had. You can read through my post history for what we did.
As oedipussy said, it'd help tremendously if you worked on it yourself. Also, RELAX, RELAX, RELAX. If you focused simply on enjoying things and finding what you liked, it would be much more likely to happen.
My GF was too shy to do work on it herself, but we managed to get it done eventually. The whole process of getting her completely comfortable and able to let go probably took a couple months. While that may seem like a long time, it was quite fun. We never got down about the result because we enjoyed such a great time together trying to figure things out.
Try to keep it fun without pressure. After enough practice, it's probably a mental block, so don't switch over to vibes and toys or you could force it by over stimulation and become dependent on that method instead of a partners'.
Why not set aside a few hrs or an entire weekend? Get away from work/school/whatever and get a hotel someplace new near things you like. After enjoying whatever makes you happy, have him pamper you with a bubble bath/jacuzzi, glass of wine(just one, don't get drunk), and move on to a massage before doing anything focused on key sexual regions. This way you won't have to worry about cleanliness and all of your muscles will be relaxed.
EvilEvilKitten has something she calls "The Program" which works wonders from here.
If you still don't after that, don't stress! You had a wonderful weekend spending time with someone special to you!
There is nothing bad, wrong, or dirty with masturbation! Do it, do it, do it! It is your body and your orgasm so discover it, own it, make it yours!
Then tell him about it!
Glad you like The Program, funin! It does work very well.
I am willing to wager that he achieves orgasm regularly. That is his responsibility. It is easy for him because the male orgasm is almost automatic.
We women have to learn how to reach orgasm. That is your responsibility. The best training is masturbation because you learn what you are looking for and what gets you there. Too many men accept responsibility for a woman's sexual satisfaction and too many women allow them to. The result is that about a quarter of us never experience orgasm.
Se clitical.com for techniques and get going.
Too bad more women don't understand that Brandye....
> I have recently started dating someone new. We're sexually active, and he wants to help me reach orgasm extremely bad. I've never reached orgasm before.
The above replies that suggest you learn how to masturbate are correct. We do not give orgasms away, all any of us can hope to accomplish is to help each other achieve them by learning how to mimic their technique of rhythms, stroking, and pressures.
> Every time he tries to help me, we're unsuccessful, and I can tell that it almost hurts him.
Both of you need to learn more about all this. My recommendation is for the two of you to read each of the articles listed in the Index. Knowledge is empowering!
> I just don't want him to think that he sucks at arousing me, because everything about our sex life is amazing other than that one little fact. I really hate seeing him upset about not being able to help me out in the orgasm area, and I refuse to fake it just to make him feel better about it because then we're not going to get anywhere.
You are very very wise not to fake it. Good going.
> I understand that there are probably quite a few threads about this, but I just can't seem to find specific answers to my questions.
I understand that you are quite new to this Board. If you had read the Board Notices section and specifically "Posting Guidelines" and "the Index" listed at the top of the main screen after registering as recommended, you would have had your answer.
> First of all, what should I do to help achieve this? Are there any tips or anything that I can tell him to help?
The Anatomy of the Female "O", Answered by Brandye & Dancingdoc2 & Inspired by Godiva
Female Sexual Response
For Women Only- Help! Why Can't He Make Me Orgasm?
How Do I Get Him/Her to Orgasm From a Hand/Blow Job?
After reading all of the above information, please do not hesitate to post, again, if you have additional questions or concerns.
I hope this is of help.