Hello all. I have a problem that I'd like some advice on please.
I have the problem of not being able to cum with my partner. I have no problem at all in getting hard (this is really easy) but whenever we get down to anything I end up with (I think the term is) 'blue balls'. Just the other night we were at it for 3 hours & became fatigued, so fell asleep, then woke up in the morning & went at it again for another 2 hours, yet despite her best efforts I just couldn't cum. She was able to cum a fair bit, but was getting frustrated & felt inadequate that I couldn't cum despite her best efforts (so I felt like crap). She is very attractive so know that this isn't the problem (for those of you who were thinking it). I've no chance of cumming with a condom on but want to practise safe sex with her, but without a condom it's still very hard to even reach climax. I've had 'the snip' about 5 years ago & know that it can take away some sensitiveness, but I've always had a hard time in cumming, & wondered if anyone could please offer me/us some hope, as I'm getting really frustrated & don't want to hurt my lady.
How has this been with other partners? First add some lube in the condom for you and relax. The more you worry the less likely you will get there.
However, I do think there must be an indicator based on any previous partners, may help you obtain an answer.
Do you have the same issue when you masturbate?
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[QUOTE=John1;226194]Hello all. I have a problem that I'd like some advice on please.
I have the problem of not being able to cum with my partner.
[COLOR="Blue">I ask the same question: Do you have problems achieving a climax while masturbating?
[/COLOR]
I have no problem at all in getting hard (this is really easy) but whenever we get down to anything I end up with (I think the term is) 'blue balls'.
[COLOR="Blue">"Blue Balls" is a condition that plagues most guys who have been aroused from a lot of fooling around and then when the Foreplay abruptly stops with now climax, we feel a pain in the scrotum, testicles, and the pit of the stomach for several hours. Early relief comes from masturbating after the date, for example, or, a cold shower.[/COLOR]
Just the other night we were at it for 3 hours & became fatigued, so fell asleep, then woke up in the morning & went at it again for another 2 hours, yet despite her best efforts I just couldn't cum.
[COLOR="Blue">Please read this article:[/COLOR]
How Do I Get Him/Her to Orgasm From a Hand/Blow Job?
She was able to cum a fair bit, but was getting frustrated & felt inadequate that I couldn't cum despite her best efforts (so I felt like crap).
[COLOR="Blue">Please clarify. As stated, this seems contradictory.[/COLOR]
I've no chance of cumming with a condom on but want to practise safe sex with her, but without a condom it's still very hard to even reach climax.
[COLOR="Blue">As mentioned before, place some lube to the glans before rolling the condom on. This will give it more "wiggle room".[/COLOR]
I've had 'the snip' about 5 years ago & know that it can take away some sensitiveness, but I've always had a hard time in cumming, & wondered if anyone could please offer me/us some hope, as I'm getting really frustrated & don't want to hurt my lady.[/QUOTE]
Much if not most of the world's male population has been "snipped". This has not put a stop to the population growth. Yes, sensitivity is reduced, but not so much that we cannot enjoy sex.
As for reaching a climax from intercourse, make sure you roll the condom on when you are at or near peak yet still able to maintain control. Next, enter the vagina at this stage, not before when you would have to do a lot of stroking. If you are doing a lot of stroking in order to reach peak, then you are going about this backwards. Stroking and later, thrusting, is to take you beyond the point of no return.
The vagina offers less friction than a hand/fist and/or oral stimulation. Add a condom and your ability to reach a climax can be greatly reduced. I recommend three things:
First, as noted, peak our arousal first, then try different sexual positions to see which one offers the greatest friction. Use this or these.
Second, if you can climax easily from masturbating, then it will no doubt take some getting use to in order to reach peak from weaker stimulation; however, it can be done as this is a common problem for all of us who wear condoms.
Third, if deriving sufficient stimulation from a hand and/or oral, stroking, or even masturbation is a problem, try anal or prostate massage or even following the description for testicle stimulation described in this article:
"Playing Ball" and How To Tips for Prostate Massage
This is also an excellent tutorial for people interested in and concerned about the how-to of Anal stimulation as well as play.
External stimulation of the anus or inside along the sphincters will help jump start a problematical orgasm as will the other two forms of play described. All will greatly enhance and intensify your orgasms.
Lastly, if you are making out for hours and hours before enjoying or attempting to enjoy a climax, then you are probably fatiguing your nervous system. It is far far better to make out for hours yet break up the time into shorter segments in which you enjoy one or more orgasms sooner than later.
I hope this is of help.
Yes I have the same issue (though not as bad) when I masturbate. It still takes a long time to cum.
This 'problem' has been present with all my exs, & it was an unfortunate strain on those relationships. It got to the point of not wanting to have sex, or at least just doing it for her (to get her off). This time I'd like to take that strain off our relationship & properly enjoy ourselves, & be able to explore our sexual/physical relationship to its fullest, as my gf does enjoy having me last, but feels inadequate that I can't cum, or not for a very long time.
With a condom on I don't tend to feel all that much, so as I said I don't stand hardly any chance of cumming with one on, but I do want to practise safe sex (as we don't want any unplanned children) so it is necessary to use one.
Yes I have the same issue (though not as bad) when I masturbate. It still takes a long time to cum.
You might need a more active and aggressive partner. You also might want to check out your atitude towards sex as so often it is what's in one's brain that is the problem. Anxiety is a real buzz killer and can cause an endless spiral downward as worrying about having an orgasm makes it impossible for you to do so which causes more worry and on and on.
I strongly encourage your partner to tie you down onto the bed, and see how many orgasms she can get out of you in 45 minutes using whatever means necessary. All you have to do is to remain passive and just feel. Think about nothing. Worry about nothing. Relax your body and your mind. Breathe deeply and calmly and just let the sensations roll.
Try it!
I agree that you just need to relax. I doubt that she is going anywhere and as long as there is an open line of communication in what you like what you want and what your fantasies are you will get there!
When you are having sex what are you thinking about?
This is stressful...my ex-bf and I went though it (not the reason we split). We just had a few heart-to-hearts about it. This at least put me at ease that it was not me and let me know what realistic expectations for him were. If he hadn't drank in the last 12 hours he could usually get off with a bj. Not always. There was no cumming with a condom. I was on pills and we used foam and contraceptive film too (no STD or cheating concerns). His other no-condom option was anal. He didnt' want to see a doctor about it and figured that was his call. He wasn't snipped but he was 35, things did not work like they did a decade or two before.
So just be as bluntly honest with your gf on what you like and don't like. It is not just you. Are you on any meds??