Hi. Me and my guy have known each other for years and have been dating for 2 months. The relationship is going great and the sex is usually incredible. At least for me. Lately he has not been making moves to have it all the time and I think he may be waiting for me to take a more aggressive role. I have always been very submissive and I fear making the first move for fear of rejection. He usually seems to really enjoy it while I am on top but I am so unsure of myself "I" don't really enjoy it. I also feel slightly uncomfortable taking control like being on top because I don't feel like I am good at it. I am uncomfortable about how to express this to him without making it into some huge ordeal. Any advice on how to resolve this. And if a guy doesn't make a move does it mean he doesn't want to have sex, or is he just waiting for me? Help please!
Thu, 03/15/2007 - 04:00
#1
Help! Scared to initiate sex or take control!
just dig deep and react on instinct
Maybe if you have so much comfort with being the submissive role in one setting, you could try a different one.
so try to be the aggressive one when hes driving you at the end of a date, start to rub him while he drives.
Just think creatively and act on your instinct.
Dont be scared of doing something he wont like.
Be scared of never finding out what he does and doesn't like.
If he cums, I would say you did a good enough job... I was discussing a similar issue with sera300 the other day. It was how women never think they are pretty, and we guys have to tell them that they are. It seems that you are having the same problems, only they are manifesting in a different way. Tell him to let you know what he likes, and make sure he tells you if he doesn't like it. The only way to get better is practice.
You are just unsure of yourself. It takes time to have confidence with being assertive. As far as being on top & not feeling you are doing it right. Women loose their sense of rhythm easily, have him hold your hips and guide you. If you initiate sex, he knows it's not just obligatory on your part, it may make him feel as if you want it enough to try.
Thanks for the advice guys, I think maybe it will be helpful. I guess practice makes perfect and only time will tell if I can become comfortable in a more assertive role. Again, thanks alot.
Being assertive isn't difficult at all. Being on top is the same movement as riding a horse at the trot on an English (flat) saddle. You use your knees as a fulcrum going up and forward then back and down. One, two; one two. Easy peasy. Use the bedsprings to help develop and sustain the motion.
As to fearing rejection - don't. Most men are quite willing to enjoy whatever you have in mind. Never fear to 'let go' and never fear to 'enjoy yourself' - as most men find an orgasming women extremely attractive and a testment to their masculine prowess.
It is also one heck of a kick if a woman you like throws herself into your arms - so my men tell me.
It just takes practice to feel comfortable being in control. For me, it took quite a while to be comfortable during woman on top. Just keep practicing!
And like everyone else is saying, don't be afraid to initiate things with him. Most guys love that!
Don't worry that if he isn't initiating sex all the time that he doesn't want you sexually. If you are feeling in the mood, don't be bashful, let him know! I'm sure he'll be happy to help you out.