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Have you considered counseling? If yes, although, cost is a factor, ask your doctor or minister or public health department for a referral. There are professionals who often work and charge based upon ability. Some ministers have the necessary credentials and experience to help depending upon the problems you are struggling with. Ask.

Much of what you relate can be boiled down to self esteem. For whatever reason, you do not seem to relish the compliments lavished by your man. I hear "oh woe is me" coming thru. If I am wrong, please do tell me.

Please read this article found in the Index:

Acquiring Self Confidence

Because weight is a concern of yours, if you want to lose some pounds, then I highly recommend following the weight loss plan offered by Dr. Phil (McGraw), the daily television talk show host.

The reason I recommend his method is because it is much more than a diet plan--it is a lifestyle change that does more to guarantee success than any diet plan or fad scheme I am familiar with. You can find his how-to book and companion workbook in most book stores or on his website: [url=http://www.drphil.com]Dr. Phil.com

I'm willing to bet that if you accept the truth of what your boyfriend is relating to you, and, follow the steps in the article, above, plus implementing the step-by-step instructions in Dr. Phil's book that you can make profound changes in your life and outlook. Of course I cannot make any guarantees, not knowing any more than what you have stated. No one can or should diagnose over the telephone or internet, yet having given this caveat, why not give my suggestions a try?

Bad news: you seem to be a bit overweight from the numbers you put up. Trimming the excess will do much for you psychologically and physiologically.

Good news: most of us have labia that extend outside a bit when not aroused. The ideal is just that: ideal and not real. If the size of your labia does not interfere with sex, it is normal.

Other news: What he is doing should help boost your confidence; the rest is up to you. The discipline of getting to the health club three times a week, alone, will make you feel better about yourself. And, watch those carbs.

OK, so you have lived an adventurous and not always sensible life - GREAT! - that makes you far more interesting than someone who didn't.

This is assuming that you have learned from your earlier missteps.

NOW is the time to live the life you want to live. DO it. Just do it. If you want to be with THIS man forever, there's marriage for keeps available if he's willing. You two could include time at the gym in your weekly routine building a happier and healthier life.

STOP LOOKING BACK. I cannot stress this enough! Your life is what you MAKE of it from this moment FORWARD. Do not waste any more time or energy worrying about labia, your past, your scars and so on. Instead think GO FORTH & CONQUER!

You CAN do this!

[QUOTE=UsualGiver33;248744]I can't seem to get over my insecurities...

[COLOR="blue">We all have them, don't we? Consider as Brandye mentioned: girls and breast size; then there are boys and penis size, a dimple here, a blemish there, a nose that is too this or too that, a lone hair that appears where you do not want it, and so on and on.

There are some things to be legitimately upset about, the rest, not so much, especially if you can't do anything about them short of expensive cosmetic surgery. [/COLOR]

I've had a troubled past and I feel unattractive and gross. I'm 5'7'' and 165lbs, figure is 40-30-45 and I feel fat. I have scars from weight loss and others from a reckless childhood ;P

If the troubled past is something that talking with someone about would benefit, then I suggest finding a therapist experienced in the matter willing to work with you. If this is something that you can or have worked through--great. If you have not addressed the matter, please do so.

[COLOR="black">By "scars" I suppose you mean stretch marks. If so, I'm here to tell you that women have them when breasts grow rapidly, after giving birth, or when another area of the body. Guys get them too, sometimes.

As for other scars, there is a saying: "turn your scars into stars." Are they something that can be thought of as "beauty marks"? I have a couple of "battle scars" from my youth; one is a long gash on my leg I acquired when getting out of the car and closing the door too soon. Another on the face is from a pimple. What about the people you know? [/COLOR]

My labia minor is longer than it's supposed to be [by like a little less than an inch longer, but I am SO embarrassed by it!!]............

[COLOR="blue">To place this into perspective, just read a few of the posts on penis size and the many comments of "is this normal", mine is too short, etc.

There is a society in South America, I think, or maybe Africa, in which having a large labia is considered a mark of beauty. Mothers will massage their young daughter's labia over time in order to make it much larger and more desirable to a prospective husband. There is no normal. It is what it is, therefore consider it a beauty mark and make the most of it. If your boyfriend is not unhappy, don't you be.*[/COLOR]

My boyfriend loves me. He thinks I am beautiful, He loves my body and my mind and my good side and the bad... He wants me all the time and he thinks I am the greatest woman ever...

[COLOR="blue">* Let me bring to your attention something that you probably already realize yet may not have thought about:
1. When a guy falls for a girl, he pretty much accepts her hook, line, and, sinker--including the parts as yet unseen!
2. When a gal falls for a guy, she pretty much accepts him hook, line, and, sinker, including the parts as yet unseen! Or, did you inspect his body before ultimately deciding this one is a keeper and the one for me??

That in his eyes you are the greatest woman ever, is reason enough to keep this so, and, a major way to do this is not to exude or express negative thoughts about the parts of your body that may be less than perfect in your eyes. [/COLOR]

So why can't I get over my discomfort? I love him, and I feel the same way about him as he does with me [he also feels like he is unattractive and all that too and he's wrong haha]!!

[COLOR="blue">Do you really want to, or, is there a payoff for you not to?
Both of you should implement my suggestions, in Part 1.[/COLOR]

How can I just let go and feel comfortable? I love this man and I want to be with him for as long as possible and I'm going to need to get over myself if this is ever going to work out.
[COLOR="blue">
Asked and answered. Act your way to success.[/COLOR]

I don't want him to think it has anything to do with him, or that I do not love him just because I feel uncomfortable exposing myself to him.

[COLOR="blue">Do the two of you talk? Do the two of you really communicate when talking? It seems to me that confiding in each other and working together on your respective insecurities is not happening. Communication is key to having a good relationship.

Yes, I understand that both of you have problems with body image, yet the two of you seem so preoccupied either with changing what you cannot, or, not setting about changing what you can. Now, go back to the first post and make your wishes a team effort. Support each other in the work that each of you want to accomplish.

If you like him for who and what he is, and he you, then tell each other this and make it a goal to believe what each of you say. Trust is at the heart of this aspect of your relationship. You hear what each other tells the other about loving and liking yet discount the information instead of embracing it. [/COLOR]

He has never seen me fully in the light because I'm so nervous being totally naked =( Whereas I have seen him and he allows me to access him and go down on him whenever and I'm always shy...

[COLOR="blue">Please read what I just related about accepting each other including the parts yet not seen when first dating. Your dislike of your body is not his and with this bit of information and insight you must trust in order to make any sort of change.

If you make love in the dark, work up to having a night light on, then make love either at sunset or sunrise. Trust that what he has told you about accepting you for who you are regardless of the packaging is true.[/COLOR]

HELP!! How can I be open and allow myself to be vulnerable and free??!?![/QUOTE]

Put all of the above into action. Decide what is important and what is not then choose your battle.

The two of you are all wrapped up in what you would like, rather than making the most of what you have. Nobody is "perfect". We all have imperfections, and limitations, and have made the decision to live life to the fullest, regardless. Adopt this same attitude as well as acting your way to success and discover what changes.

In all honesty, I have ideal measurements and used to often feel like this. My partner is hugely supportive and often reminds me of how attracted he is to me, but the only one who can change my opinion of me is myself.

Regardless of exercise or not I stay at ideal measurements (it's a natural thing), but I feel 100% better by going to the gym during the week. It's not the action of losing inches or pounds or cellulite, it's the knowledge that you're doing something for yourself which makes you feel better. Eat right, work out, and socialize, and you'll feel like a million dollars.

My grandmother (who was a German pin-up at a healthy size 8, and the sexiest pin-up I've seen) told me this when I started to model:

"Your measurements aren't what defines you. What defines you is your personality, your sparkle, that oomph which makes you shine. Your measurements merely tell you the size of your shell. Your beauty, strength, intelligence, and individuality are truly immeasurable"

Don't let what's on the outside change your inside. Letting your personality die, and having a down attitude will truly ruin you. From what I can tell, you're average in size; this means that there are billions of people who aren't as beautiful as you!

Remember the above, and don't forget to sparkle!