I do not agree with Jm33. In and of itself there is nothing wrong with the suggestion (See the movie "Forty Days and Forty Night", starring Josh Hartnett); however, it doesn't really address the problem.

> but nothing feels like it dose when i masturbate....i never have had someone else bring me to climax and i want it soo badly, and i think she would feel alot better if she knew the things she dose to me bring me to climax, but i just dont know what is wrong. is there something i dont know or am not doing right?

1. There is a first time for everything and your time will come.
2. Both of you would probably be more relaxed and comfortable knowing that what you do for each other helps bring the other to a climax.
3. There are two possible and probably wrongs. The first is what is known as "Performance Anxiety". The more angst you have, the worse the problem becomes until there is no way you will "perform". The key, as previously explained is to adopt a relaxed attitude about the whole matter.
4. The second problem is that while we all understand the basic mechanics involved in stroking a penis and fingering a clitoris, what has to be taught is the "fine art" that each one of us develops over time shortly after learnng to masturbate. The "fine art" are unique movements and pressures that we have come to rely upon to bring us to an orgasm. This must be taught to our partner.

The way to do this is to demonstrate how we masturbate and then to take his/her hand in our own and guide our partner for a few sessions until s/he can learn to mimic our unique and specific movements and pressures.

Feedback is critical. When we masturbate we benefit from our internal feedback in order to modulate and modify our movements, yet when we turn the job over to someone else, the only feedback is what we provide verbally or non-verbally. Failure to do this and all any of us can hope for is a 50/50 chance of doing things right. With something so important, who wants this as their batting average?

A relationship is a partnership. Making love is also a partnership. It is not what one person does to the other; rather, what we do for each other. Each of us is responsible for our own orgasms. All any of us can do is to help our partner achieve his/her own by stroking or fingering in ways that they have come to rely upon when alone. So, teach each other and communicate with each other.

Good luck. Got questions?

> im worried that she is getting frusturated and i dont want to make her feel bad if i give feedback in the wrong way.

Please do not misconstrue what I mean about giving our partner feedback. I do not mean it to be in the form of a critique of his/her actions; rather, that feedback be a form of signaling how we are doing in response to what our partner is doing in the way of touching and caressing us to intensify our level of arousal.

When we masturbate, we modulate and adjust our movements in response to the sensations we generate, changing what we do on the fly moment by moment as sensations change. All this fine-tuning takes place internally within our nervous system. It would be nice if we could somehow plug-in to each other's spinal cord and benefit by monitoring the signal pathways in the other person, but because we can't, we are left with having to offer vocal cues or non-verbal cues that convey specific meanings. So, what I mean by providing feedback is to tell each other to do this or do that or speed up or slow down or use more pressure here or squeeze harder, or, DON'T STOP, or FASTER, or STOP, etc., et cetera, etc. Use of body english also helps because a squeeze of the hand or some other gesture(s) can mean certain things to the other person and you don't have to talk or whisper. Whatever works.

So, there is absolutely no reason for a person to feel bad about receiving feedback. It is a necessary part of the partnership now that it is her hand doing the deed instead of yours. It's another form of communication and signaling.

> i realy dont think it has much to do with her though. mostly bacuse she is exponentily more expierenced then me. is it possable thats its some physicle problem?

There is that possibility; however, I really get the feeling from your second post that I am not doing a good job of explaining what is happening.

A person's experience is not really relevant when it comes to being able to know exactly how to stimulate a penis or a clitoris. Experience is useful for insight and and finesse with regard to technique. What is important to understand is that from the time we first began to masturbate each and every one of us began developing a unique and specific set of movements and pressures that work to build arousal and trigger an orgasm when applied to key spots. You know yourself that if you are off your "stride" so to speak just a little, an orgasm will either not occur or if it does it isn't quite the same. It only takes a few days to develop a method or technique, yet most of us probably rely upon this one method most of our lives.

So, when you have someone else applying the fingering and stroking, it is pure guesswork as for what to do when and how without benefit of any cues or prompts.

> is it possable thats its some physicle problem?

I'm inclined to believe you suffer from the all too common malady of Performance Anxiety coupled with just not getting the right stroking.

If you can masturbate OK then that confirms what I'm suggesting.

As a partnership, you should be willing to teach each other and to learn from one another. RELAX. "Mistooks" happen and should just be laughed away. Don't take all this so seriously. You are new to all this and cannot be expected to have innate inherent knowledge and skills. These are developed and build over time as the two of you explore and practice. You will do a lot better if you get off your idealized pedestal and realize that we all fumble around at new things so just have fun with all this and enjoy the ride, bumpy though it may be in the beginning. Something else to consider is that if you are outwardly critical of yourself and your developing abilities then it is sure to rub off on her. If you are sensing frustration or lack of patience in her, it may just have to do with how she reads you and your attitude and not at all about how skillful you are or are not.

Try two things:

Do not masturbate for a while, maybe a week or two and maybe that will help the sensation

Second tell her to give you a handjob and guide her through ir exactly like you do it to yourself.

well, dont quote me on this, but i have heard that if u cant cum when you are having sex, but u can when you masturbate, then you should stop masturbating. That is just what i heard so i dont know for a fact.

It's easy to say "stop worring about it" and not so easy to do that. But the truth is you are probably thinking way too much about "not cumming" and your body is hearing the wrong message.

Second, start rethinking the entire topic. No one "brings" you to an orgasm, you have to, um, participate. So if she's trying and you are laying there thinking about what she's doing/not doing... worrying about cumming... you're actually defeating yourself.

Relax, enjoy yourself... participate mentally... might even help if you can pleasure her in some way at the same time.

I've personally never heard of this but if you're really worried about it, try seeing a doctor. Also, try using some lube so that you get more sensation and such. You can also try special condoms designed to give you and her both extra pleasure and such.

> That is just what i heard so i dont know for a fact.

WRONG!

Just try and stop masturbating and see how long you can go.

For encouragement in this endeavor, rent the Josh Hartnett movie: "Forty Days and Forty Nights". It's funny!

I have written extensively and repeated the information often on the "how to" of reaching a climax.

I do not agree with Jm33. In and of itself there is nothing wrong with the suggestion (See the movie "Forty Days and Forty Night", starring Josh Hartnett); however, it doesn't really address the problem.

> but nothing feels like it dose when i masturbate....i never have had someone else bring me to climax and i want it soo badly, and i think she would feel alot better if she knew the things she dose to me bring me to climax, but i just dont know what is wrong. is there something i dont know or am not doing right?

1. There is a first time for everything and your time will come.
2. Both of you would probably be more relaxed and comfortable knowing that what you do for each other helps bring the other to a climax.
3. There are two possible and probably wrongs. The first is what is known as "Performance Anxiety". The more angst you have, the worse the problem becomes until there is no way you will "perform". The key, as previously explained is to adopt a relaxed attitude about the whole matter.
4. The second problem is that while we all understand the basic mechanics involved in stroking a penis and fingering a clitoris, what has to be taught is the "fine art" that each one of us develops over time shortly after learnng to masturbate. The "fine art" are unique movements and pressures that we have come to rely upon to bring us to an orgasm. This must be taught to our partner.

The way to do this is to demonstrate how we masturbate and then to take his/her hand in our own and guide our partner for a few sessions until s/he can learn to mimic our unique and specific movements and pressures.

Feedback is critical. When we masturbate we benefit from our internal feedback in order to modulate and modify our movements, yet when we turn the job over to someone else, the only feedback is what we provide verbally or non-verbally. Failure to do this and all any of us can hope for is a 50/50 chance of doing things right. With something so important, who wants this as their batting average?

A relationship is a partnership. Making love is also a partnership. It is not what one person does to the other; rather, what we do for each other. Each of us is responsible for our own orgasms. All any of us can do is to help our partner achieve his/her own by stroking or fingering in ways that they have come to rely upon when alone. So, teach each other and communicate with each other.

Good luck. Got questions?

Maybe masturbate in front of her so she can see how you do it? Ok it may feel a bit odd.....but its exciting to watch someone pleasure themself....and it can be useful too.