HI, im new to this so forgive me if i sound a little rushed.Im 19 years old, healthy(besides smoking for the last 3 years, but im trying to quit).heres the situation....
About two years ago i got this new job in retail. it just so happened that one of my coworkers was this really hot chick. i knew inside my head that id never have a chance with her so i put her into the "friend zone" i guess.over these two years, weve grown close and ive been there for her for advice on her boyfriends. at the time, i knew she was hot but she was like a sister to me because of all the time we spent together.Until a few months ago, i had no clue she held the same kind of attraction to me as i did her.we were at a friends house getting a little hammered when we both made a move on eachother. although we were drunk, we both admitted that we both had feelings for eachother and were going to take that step anyways.well,soon after we talked everyday,saw eachother everyday(i go to school with her now, work with her, and now go out with her).i had really fallen in love with her because i had been attracted to her personality the entire time we knew eachother.well, after about a month of dating, the physical part of the relationship came to hand. now, i had no problem getting "it" up at first before we had done anything. just making out with her for hours would turn me on the entire time.we got up to oral sex and that did feel a little weird because the entire time i was thinking to myself " oh my god, shes giving me a blowjob" actually, the first time i was ok until after a few minutes and i didnt cum. ive never cum from oral sex so i knew that would happen.it just started to go down a little bit and i got turned off. but she insisted on doing it because she likes making her man feel good.it started to go down and i kinda said to stop cuz it made me uncomfortable and we sortof got in an arguement.well, after that, she shared with me a secret that would effect me up to this day. she told me she had contracted genital herpes from one of her first partners and that her previous boyfriend didnt care at all and they had a healthy sexual relationship. now, another fact is that i used to work with him too. he worked at the same place also and he was like a brother to me at times because we played in a band together.dunno if that makes any sense but oh well.anyways, from then on we would start foreplay with making out but id get real nervous about going through with actual sex. i know condoms are ok but still made me nervous........now everytime we start something that could lead to sex i just dont feel right doing it.
Is it that i care about her so much that i wouldnt want to go through with it?(i useds to be a chronic cheater and she knew that and somewhat holds it against me when mentioned)
OR
Is it just that i lost my attraction to her?
i do look at her differently now.when we were friends, i didnt care what she did in bed with other guys.i used to help her by giving her sex advice.now all i think of is them together and what theyve done and that i helped that.i can picture them together but not us.now, i thought that i had some kind of problem getting him up around her. at first, i thought it was nervousness.then i thought it was cuz i smoke(which could be true because i didnt smoke when we first started going out and then my ED problem happened and out of depression i started again).then i thought maybe i just dont want to(low libido?) maybe because of me being IN LOVE with her or for some other reason.
I really need some advice because its tearing us apart.she feels that im not attracted to her which is not true. i think shes totally hot but i just cant seem to get in the mood anymore around her(we dont really try that much anymore). my confidence has gone down because i cant get my dick up around this really hot chick that i was to please so badly.my last girlfriend i could get it up all the time and had no problem.i guess what im asking is, do you think i have an impotence problem? will working out and stopping the smoking help? what can i do to try to just get him up so i can get over this obstacle? just, any advice would br greatly appreciated.thank you
All STDs are bad but ones like clamydia etc, have a cure. Herpes has no cure and once you catch it, you'll have it forever.
I dont know, I doubt I could feel totally comfortable having sex w/ someone that had herpes, no matter how safe we were.
Its sad to say that, but its true.
If you can get hard during masturbation, then you know its not a physical problem but a mental one.
I think Rawbob has summed up the situation pretty good. I would do like Lass said, talk to her about it. Tell her that you are still attracted to her and like her, but the herpes think has really gotten to you, and you are not sure if you can get past it.
I would hope she wouldn't expect EVERYONE to be "cool" w/ it like that other guy, everyone is different.
That doesn't make you a bad person.
I agree with Rawbob.
It sounds like your mentally against your penis getting hard so you won't get Herpes...I don't know how bad of an STD that is, but apparently it's one that you can't get past mentally.
Mind over matter they say.
Talk to her, tell her how that made you feel, and emphasis that you ARE attracted to her, you're just afraid of catching it.
Well Detunedstring, you've just learned how powerful a sexual organ the human mind can be!
Based on your post, i would say that you're kinda overthinking things. If you asked me, i'd say that when she told you she had Genital Herpes, your entire perception of her changed.
Clearly when u 2 were "just friends" she never disclosed the fact that she had herpes. That, in and of itself can be the SOLE factor.
I belive that you'ren ot getting hard is your mind telling your cock to stay soft so you wont' be put in teh positioni of having to risk contracting Herpes.
yes, condoms can help prevent transmission = but if you mentally can't get by the fact that she has Herpes, then you may just have to be honest with her and tell her you can just be friends.
I higly doubt your relationship with her will ever grow because of your mental block about herpes.