I didn't really know where to put this. Sorry, it may get long.
My boyfriend and I have been having sex for about 3 months now. He was a virgin when I met him, and he has come quite a long way. At first, he would only last around 3 minutes. I would get upset, but I never showed it (I did not want to make him feel bad).
Now, he has started lasting a long time. Like this last time, for example, we had sex for about 40 minutes before I got bored and sore and we had to end it (without him getting off). He's quite proud that he lasts a long time (I guess thinking all girls like nonstop sex for hours and that it pleases me more), but I'm not quite as happy.
I feel like if maybe we were able to do more positions I would be more ok with him lasting longer. The only ones we can do are doggy and missionary, and sometimes me on top. Why? I'm not sure, but we just can't seem to get it right. I have had no problems with past boyfriends with doing different things, but it won't work with him. For example, with missionary, we can really only do it when he is basically laying on me. I can't put my legs on his shoulders or arms and he can't sit straight up while doing it. Again, I don't know why. With me on top, he is kind of small, so I can't go directly up and down, I have to lean over her nd sort of frind, which I don't think pleases him as much.
So I guess there's a bunch of help I need. Like advice for how I can help him get better and get the idea (I'm not a guy, so I don't really know what all has to happen) of certain positions, why he would last longer and ho wI can help get him off quicker, and different positions that would be easy.
I have viewed the positions on the main page, and some look like fun, but I doubt we would be able to. I am also plus sized, so it needs to be something I could do (I'm not huge or anyhing nd I'm flexible but still).
Any help would be greatly appreciated! I hope I didn't leave anything out.
Well let me ask you, is he getting you off through sex? Because some men simply like pleasing. I mean for the first 5 months of having sex, I came all of about 2 times. And it didnt bother me cuz I was glad I lasted and I was able to please my partner...you could always just jerk him off or give him head to finish him.
Also how big are we talking? less than 6?
I have ejaculated with him, probably about 5 times each time we have sex. I just started doing that about a week ago, though. Before I had never had an orgasm or ejaculated.
And I would say he is close to 6, maybe 5.5.
Talk with him. Too many men think that the longer they last the better. If it gets to twenty minutes my partners would find themselves on the floor.
Body types are limiting on sex positions. No two bodies mesh exactly the same way and what works for some will not for others. I hate doggie and will not do it. It does nothing for me. Other women love it.
The two of you need to experiment but mostly you need to talk - outside the pressure of sexual arousal - about what is good and bad. If you want more variety, ask. If it matters to him, he will try. The worst that can happen is you end up with some laughs in the future.
Brandye provides sage advice. All too often young people these days have the misguided misconception that the way to an orgasm is from lots and lots of stroking and thrusting. T'aint so. Intercourse should begin upon your invitation and when he has been brought to the brink of his climax from all the fooling around that has gone on before.
Many women report that if intercourse lasts longer than about ten minutes they become SORE, bored, and tired. He must be made to understand this.
If the two of you would like your romancing to last an hour or longer, then break it up into separate parts, each with its own orgasm or two. It is unrealistic to expect any person male or female to hold their excitement and interest for a long time without some break and or diversion. There is nothing wrong with making love for two, three hours or longer--just break it up and string the sections together instead of drawing it out "forever".
I recommend that you look at the Index at the top of the main screen in the SexInfo 101 section and read many of the articles listed in it. They provide helpful information.
I regularly indulge in 4 to 5 hour sex-fests - but this does not mean thrusting in and out for 4 hours straight. This means about 4 or 5 separate 'bouts' with about 15 minutes in between for chat, cuddling, and relaxation.
There is a sticky post entitled The Program which I heartily recommend - it works. You can overceom shyness, you can get your partner screamingly aroused, you can control them from going too fast - and it doesn't require toys etc. Just two people!
It is also important to take breaks to keep him hydrated else he may not be able to orgasm/ejacualte. So part of that 15 minute break has to be drinking slightly cooled but not chilled water and no more than 24 oz. at a time. No food however, except fruits - something juicy and light - like grapes.
Instead of doing regular missionary when he's lying on top of you, have him stand at the edge of the bed and get your rump right up to the edge; this should make it possible for him to caress your G-Spot with the head of his penis.
Between those three suggestions, you should have him just how you want him.
I remember when I was a virgin all I cared about was if I was pleasuring her. So if she appeared to enjoy what I was doing I was not going to stray from that.
But the thing I dont get is the part where you say "not finish"
Im completely against this movie esq idea that if sex doesnt feel right you just quit.
watch each other masturbate, do oral, toys, body massages.
Whatever keeps the two of you in a sexual mood and physical, maybe you will start intercourse again and hit a whole new gear of screwing or maybe you will get off doing the alternatives which is still very hot.
I believe in the results of the sexual encounter and not as much the means. If the sex is not hot, than maybe everything else will be instead. If your both panting for air red faced and in post orgasm bliss it the method will be trivial.
This metality presents things the way they should be, selfish. Not selfish in the way that you dont care about your partners pleasure but this strange and sexy selfish attitude where you both know that getting the pleasure you both feel you deserve is vice versa sexy and strangely completely unselfish.
[QUOTE=madeye;222771]If your both panting for air red faced and in post orgasm bliss it the method will be trivial.
[/QUOTE]
I just thought this was great...
The "panting for air, red faced" brings back awesome memories. I find it so funny whenever we lay down and look at eachother or go into the restroom to wash up and see our red faces in the mirror, while we're still gasping for air.
I'm sorry OP, but I have a question that goes with this.
Why do our faces get red? I know that sometimes it's from the moving around and such, but there have been a couple of times when he has done all the work and then I go to look at myself in the mirror and my face is tomato red, why is this? I understood why he was yesterday, he was pumping hard and I was asking for all he could give, this was in missionary so I was mostly laying there gripping the headboard, but my face was just as red.
.. just thought I should comment on this too, who else finds it amazing finding that you're dizzy if you stand up right afterwards? I think its so funny and cool how this happens, I know it's because the blood is rushing back to the head, just wondering if anyone else finds this intriguing how our bodies work.
It is called a sex flush and yes, I get it too if really, really thrilled! The dizziness is caused by a change, relatively sudden, in blood pressure.