ok so.... I don't feel like sex as much as my bf does... he'd take it all day every day if he could. we don't have much opportunities to have sex since none of us have our own place. so when we have the opportunity sometimes i feel pressured into it... not because he forces me but like if we go for a weekend break or something i'd know he'd want to and sometimes i just do it for the sake of having done it - because we finally can - not because i'd have felt like.
last time this happened i didn't manage to conceal this fact too well and he noticed... in fact it was like the worst sex ever and we both admitted that. we've been together for 2 and a half years and we just bought a new place....although won't be moving in yet.
was just wondering...does this happen to anyone else? Sometimes i worry that there is some meaning behind it that i should be concerned about. I can't imagine my life without him but this issue of sex crops up alot in conversation. even if its just fooling around... he always wants to fool around when we're watching tv or sthing ...and by fooling around i mean even simple things like just caressing me or sthing. and i stimes i just want him to let me be and let me enjoy watching tv (mostly because i'm VERY ticklish and he ends up tickling me with his touches which gets very frustrating for both of us - having me keep saying - "stop it ur tickling me!!" :(
any opinions?
well i felt like that with my first serous boyfriend. and now with my second it is the opposite and i think the difference is that my second let me come by it all on my own. he initiated some things but mostly left it up to me. so there was not hard feelings and i did not do anything i did not feel like doing. and it is still that way if i dont want to have sex it is ok and we dont. maybe you could try the same thing. it would free you to do as you please not as he does(or as you think he does). Just don’t do anything you don’t feel like doing and it could just free you of this issue. it might be frustrating to him and maybe you but it might just mend things. and he has to understand that you are not, not touching him because you dont care about him you are not touching him because you need to just enjoy his company first then his affection.
[QUOTE=sexy_angel]was just wondering...does this happen to anyone else? Sometimes i worry that there is some meaning behind it that i should be concerned about. I can't imagine my life without him but this issue of sex crops up alot in conversation. even if its just fooling around... he always wants to fool around when we're watching tv or sthing ...and by fooling around i mean even simple things like just caressing me or sthing. and i stimes i just want him to let me be and let me enjoy watching tv (mostly because i'm VERY ticklish and he ends up tickling me with his touches which gets very frustrating for both of us - having me keep saying - "stop it ur tickling me!!" :(
any opinions?[/QUOTE]
I know how you feel.... :(
I wish I had an answer
I've felt that way in the past, though not with my man now. I read something recently that says go ahead and have sex, even if you don't feel like it, because it leads to wanting more sex. You also need to think about sex more often. Picture your man, the things you want to do to him, the things you want him to do to you. For me, it's a turn on just to picture him naked. Then I start fantasizing about what I want to do to him. Whew! Gets me worked up and wanting him! It's all about putting yourself in the mood for sex and keeping that want of sex always in the back of your mind.
you say you felt like that in the past with another guy.... in your opinion do you feel it was because there wasn't a 'connection' with that guy?
coz sometimes i wonder if it means that i don't really love him or sthing. we're already seriously planning for the future so i'd like things to work out between us obviously .... but this gets me thinking!! :confused:
Generally young adult males desire sex more freuqently than women of the same age. Remember that the male is constantly making sperm and semen. This needs to be disposed of some way - hence, wet dreams. When living with women, many of these men are not aware that women generally do not have the same desire for frequency. Similarly, many women lack understanding of their partner's "need." I lived with two different men in my twenties and this issue was certainly present.
We women are fortunate in that we can, and do, enjoy sex even when it is not leading to orgasm. I have had more "contacts" without orgasm than with. Generally, I do not fake anything. The men I have been with undrstand that I do not need prgasm to be satissfied. Those times I have faked were to get it over and get him out. That is a different situation.
I made it a habit when we retired each night to brush my hand down his front. If there was no apparent arousal, we went to slepp. If there was some sign of erection, I took care of it however I wished - vaginally, orally, digitally - my choice. This would usually take ten minutes. Good investment of my time.
In return that event every week or so that I really wanted sex, I got it and I got it good. There was an appreciation on each side and we were both satisfied as we desired.
WOW all this and you "just" going out??...do him a favour and get out of the relationship or get some serious counselling.....can you imagine what you'll feel when you are together day in day out..and then the stresses of life, like kids,finances,jobs etc etc...take hold...you'll NEVER feel like it..and he'll start resenting the fact that he is in the relationship....I have NO CLUE why women "bother" with the "I'm doing it for him"...you know what...sex is supposed to an act of showing love...yah the REAL LOVE...not LUV...it is supposed to be unconditional...not on someones terms or used as a "treat"...for gawdsakes people need to mature..
brandye has the optimum solution though i like the idea of dealing with it digitally reminds me of what cybernetics my lead to in the future.
I think your problem is dojg it all the time just for the sake of it making it always a bored thing you have to do and so brandye is right at least you will have some days when YOU do want it as well but going on like you are you will never get satisfaction. but you need to try it to see results and your bf must understand
[QUOTE=Luvs2plzU]WOW all this and you "just" going out??...do him a favour and get out of the relationship or get some serious counselling.....can you imagine what you'll feel when you are together day in day out..and then the stresses of life, like kids,finances,jobs etc etc...take hold...you'll NEVER feel like it..and he'll start resenting the fact that he is in the relationship....I have NO CLUE why women "bother" with the "I'm doing it for him"...you know what...sex is supposed to an act of showing love...yah the REAL LOVE...not LUV...it is supposed to be unconditional...not on someones terms or used as a "treat"...for gawdsakes people need to mature..[/QUOTE]
This is spot on.
Angel, you need to not get married. If you think you're not in the mood now, just wait until you're married; you'll have ABSOLUTELY NO INCENTIVE to have sex then and either he'll resent you and divorce you or - if you're lucky - he'll resent you and stay in the marriage.
Address this problem NOW.
definitely needs to be open lines of communication about how you feel... perhaps it wouldnt hurt to do it "just for him" sometimes... but of course if it shows that you're not in the mood at all then of course he's going to pick up on it and its not interesting for him... and often when i thought i wasnt in the mood i end up pretty satisfied in retrospect :)
im probably not the best person to be posting on this topic cuz if you see any of my other posts lately they're all about me wanting more sex than my bf lol... but definitely open communication has helped me although we're not completely done dealing with that ... after all our discussions, our relationship thus far seems healthy, he just isnt in the mood for sex as much as me, trying to figure out if there's more to the issue, but so far there isn't so i accept it...
but to go as far as to think that you shouldnt be with him because you dont have sex, well that really depends... i know my previous bf of almost 5 years, when our relationship started to fall apart i wasn't into sex as often as previously because for me sex expresses the feelings i have for the other person... and we did end up breaking up
but some others have brought up a good point to be careful if u cant deal with this on some level because it can lead to much frustation with the both of you...
good luck
well just to update on my post...we had a long long chat about many many things. we discussed alot of serious including the option of breaking up or at least taking a break but neither of us really felt like that would be the right thing to do because we can't imagine our lives without each other. I even suggested going to couple counsilling....which he didnt really like the idea of and said he'd rather discuss things between us....which is how the long discussion started :)
We both agreed that our relationship was in abit of a slump the past few months. It kind of got 'boring' in that we always end up just either in front of the tv or sthing of the sort so it was getting a bit stale.
We've both agreed to try and make the effort to do something different every now and again...also to start working out because we both used to in the past and it used to energise us more....so we're starting a gym membership again :)
Haven't had sex yet because i've been on this week and we prefer not to when i am....both i know that i've at least had the urges to want to unlike before.
Thanks for all your posts there were some insightful thoughts and opinions.
I hope things will work out for us
Yes, I just did not feel the connection with the other guy. Sex was a chore. Unfortunately, we were married. I guess not wanting to have sex on your wedding night is not a good sign for the future, huh?? Do NOT go further with this relationship, unless you want to be in a sexless marriage. Or course, worse yet, you could have an affair, like I did, and hurt a wonderful man who you love, but just doesn't turn you on.